My haven

2009-06-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

QUICKeey

Yeah, I know.

I deserve to be hit by a big truck loaded with goos. It's been sooooo ages.

And I have a lot of stories to tell. And lemme twist it off by spilling, I'm in love with the most gorgeous guy in the planet-- He's with me now-- and he's called Kennard. Ü

...

2009-01-06T01:42:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't updated this blog for a while and I certainly know that it is the most unforgivable sin in the blogging world. SORRY!

Waha. I can't believe I will this place.

I will be blogging back by february. The layout needs some changing and I have to do some real kick-ass update. Just wait til you see!
:)

I will still be at blissful-chanting, by the way. :P

Lovelots.

2008-10-08T19:50:00.000-07:00

TEE-OW.

It’s just about thirty more hours and five hundred fifty-five seconds (and counting..) before I can finally pronounce my toodles-oodles to 7am classes, stuck-up people in my class and out (woops. Zip it!), and boring yet amazingly good professors. Yes, I know, it’s swift!

The first half of the school year was “one hell of a roller coaster ride”. It was a time of adjustments, and changes, new things, and realizations. I had the best and the worst moments and though sometimes school can be really really sickening, it’s fun.

I had fun arriving in class really late like it would just be two seconds before the second subject and I’m there. Haha. I had fun bonding with different kinds of nudgies from my college, from my batch, and also from my high school friends. I also had fun making fun of people and bitching bitches in class. :P School works were fatally terrible, but that’s what college is all about right?

It’s going to be a three-week vacation and I’m hoping to spice up a bit. Maybe I’ll do a make-over (dye my hair neon pink? HAHA), or learn to play the violin that I’ve been dying to do for months now, or do an interior design work of our new home in the province, or learn to fly a kite, what you think?? Seriously, I still have no definite plans for the break but hell yeah, I’m going to make sure that I’d have loads and loads of stories to tell everyone when classes resume on November. Haha. Payabangan ng bonggang-bongga blues :P

I haven’t been seriously online for the past few months—no updates, no recent photos, and what the hell is up with the cyber-nudgehead everyone has ever known?! Well, I’ve been busy and I have the friggin’ low tech DSL at home to blame. It was kinda intentional not posting any recent photos on any of my online accounts for several reasons: one, I always look wangag, two, nothing interesting to see, three, I want to a bit surprise everyone and make them go like, “oh my frigging sprakin’, that’s Fiona?!” .

Oh well… who knows if I’ve gotten BIG or Siopao or Bamboo.
It’s currently Finals week and one more exam to go for tomorrow. I’d better start reviewing now.

TOODLES-OODLES!

2008-09-24T02:30:00.000-07:00

Posible.

Maybe I’m not the richest kid in the world nor the smartest and the most beautiful, but I know that even the most minuscule blotch in the map can dream big enough. And I mean big—quarter-pounder- like- big… BIG. Huge. Massive. Enormous. Me? I’m nothing but a mere nudgehead who happens to be one of those map blotches who hates and loves things in this world at the same time and dreams absolutely just anything possible. Hmmm..

Did it ever cross your mind that someday you might own an international airport? No? Well… you’re a loser! Hahaha! NONONO. Kidding. I didn’t mean that. You see, I want to own an airport someday. I want to be in possession of numerous airplanes and private jets. I want to see my name painted along the landing strip so passengers will see my feeyownah as they arrive. Er. Scratch the last sentence. Okay, see, having your own airport doesn’t only mean MONEY but WORLD TRAVEL. Can you imagine yourself flying to different places you wish to go to, taking loads of pictures and congesting your Multiply with numbers of me-in-here, me-in-there, me-in-somewhere until your account curses you?! Can you also imagine yourself meeting different kinds of people from Ni Hao Mah to Konnichiwa to Bon jour to idjfbgjbogbibe (what the hell?!) and learning their languages to boast in your country?

Well, I’d love to.

Now, what about your own chocolate factory? Yeah, like that Charlie and the Chocolate factory thing with those mini people singing in chorus. Having your own choco fac means nonstop sweets and I know endless calories too but SCRATCH THAT! I’m trying to make a point here okay?! Okay. See, how would you want to have sweets served in front of you the way you want them to be? How would you want to have a sweet morning and nighttime? How would you also want to give free chocolates and candies to kids in your hometown and nearby cities especially during Halloween’s Trick or Treat and Christmas without spending a single centavo? Now that’s something nice. Hadiha. And isn’t it nice to have free sweets anytime you want especially when you need a picker-upper during your broken-hearted depressed or emo kuno days?

Well, I’d love to.

Okay. You might think I’m a bit going nuts but unfortunately for you, I ain’t going nuts. Point is, most of us stop right away of yearning things we deem impossible. But why? Why do we stop right away? We say, “tsk, imposible naman!” but hey, I can testify that anything is possible. If I want to own my own chocolate factory like Willie Wonka’s, why not? I can sure work hard for that. If I want to own an airport, then I must work harder! If I want to be a star, then I will show what I got and work for it.

It all comes down to saying never let things make you think that certain things are impossible. I have realized this last night and see, I’m now more open-minded to things I want to do and I now have a clearer vision of my future.

dream big.

You, fellow blogger, what are your most possible unbelievable dreams? Go and share!

2008-09-03T05:20:00.000-07:00

The Romance I had with IT.

Our paths crossed a year ago while I was going through with the restaurant's carte du jour. It was a hot afternoon and a cold, refreshing drink would be the best drink for me that time of the day. I was unmindful of what I chose that when the maître d ‘served a tall glass filled with this yellow-colored something that looked so ever yummy, I just went with an enormous W-O-W.

Love at first sight.

I decided to move it close to me so I could taste this yellow-colored-something a bit. I held the tall slim glass and felt as if its chilliness was running through my sacred veins. It was unbelievable. And I moved it close to me. So close to me.

The first touch.

I positioned the straw in my mouth. Then I sipped a little.

First kiss.

I sipped again. Then as it gushed deep inside me, I felt the refreshing chill of this yellow-colored-something as if telling me every little detail about it for the first time. It tasted so sweet and the taste was remarkable. I loved its texture, I loved everything about it.

Getting to know each other better and deeper.

That was when I fell in love with it; and that very day commenced my undeniable liking for this special yellow-colored-something. I became totally obsessed with it. Everyone around me needed not to ask me what I wanted. It was the only thing I wanted. My comfort.

Then memories started building up in my constipated mind. I had bad stuff going on around me while I’m with IT. IT didn’t like it. And I didn’t like IT to be involved.

The fight.

It came the point that every time I’m with IT, my stomach would cringed as some recollections of some bad things invaded my mind. Then that’s when I realized I had enough. It’s time to end this special bond.

Break-up.

I ditched IT. I didn’t bother looking at it anymore every time I went through a carte du jour. In fact, I completely kicked the once yellow-colored-something out of my life. It only gave me the creeps.

Moving-on stage.

Then I found my pink-colored-something. And I know I will be forever in love with this new penchant of my life.

I coined this pink-colored-something as the STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRI.

And my past, my yellow-colored something, is none other than the Ripe Mango Shake.

Bwahahaha. Whatever. Ang exagge mag-kwento. Laughtrip. Hahaha.

2008-08-11T03:50:00.000-07:00

Yesss... Gooood...

Well, well, well, so much to all those poignant stuff I’ve been fussing about. Indeed, I still have my issues, but I’m a rejuvenated person. If I could mull over some stupid things for a while, I sure could ponder on happier and greater things longer!

So much has happened to me since I entered the University. I’m now at the point of saying high school is so much different from college. No more spoon-feeding. You work and live all by yourself—which is, for me, can be really fun. I still get to hang out with my high school batchmates in the university, they’re everywhere, I told you! I’ve already met loads of new friends from AB and from other colleges and yeah, I’m really happy about it! It’s a proof that I’ve already got back to my old pace.

'By the way, I still haven't talked to my mom. I don't know if we will ever talk again. It was her wedding last Aug.08, and I'm not invited. *sniff!* But daijobu, it's okay, as long as she's happy, then I'll be happy for her. I was a bit sad that day because I never heard from her, but I'm fine yeepeedow! I'm not crying! I'm smiling now. =) See!

Besides, I don't want goos to infect my bedsheet so better yet smile, no more tears, no more tangles, and go sha la la la la! tra la la la la!

Last month, I auditioned in the AB Chorale and luckily got accepted as a trainee. For few weeks, I enjoyed being an AB Chorale trainee-- rehearsals would begin by 4pm and would end by 7pm and this was every MWF. Sometimes, we would have sectionals at 1pm then deretso na yun til’ rehearsals. It felt good at the beginning because AB Chorale members were so friendly and good, and our conductor, Sir Paolo, though gayliciously shokla, was so nice, funny, and unbelievably good.

But later on, I got problems with the rehearsal schedules conflicting with other activities I have in school. I knew that it’s all about time management, so I tried and gave the whole thing another chance. But by the end of the day, I would just be worn out by how tedious my daily schedule was going.

I didn’t want to give up the chorale because I loved the chorale! I loved being a part of a choral group, I loved music, and I loved learning about music. But see, no matter where I see it, I had to let it go. So I started ditching the rehearsals until I officially quit the chorale. See, maybe I was given that big opportunity for me to realize and find out that I have to prioritize things. Who knows if there will be better opportunities for me out there? A better avenue for my music passion? Well…

Anyway, anyway, anyway, here’s something I want to share to with you. Here’s my uber cute cute cutie lil’ bro Jari with Tita Shao’s [his mom] beautiful poem:

While everybody in the neighborhood is asleep,

Jari quietly opens his eyes to peep

He will turn to his mommy
,And check if she’s awake already!
When mommy would still snore
Jari would tag mommy’s shirt
And cries a bit to say don’t ignore
Look I’m awake, your little squirt..

Get up, get up and let’s play!

This is how Jari starts his day.

You can rarely hear Jari cry

And you’ll never see him shy.

Jari smiles a lot when he hears daddy sing,

His favorites –you raised me up by Josh Groban,

praise songs, or just clap your hand.

He says agoo to the sala’s colorful painting,

Flashes his dimples and laughs aloud…

But if you remove his hands in his tiny

He'll be sad and you’ll see him pout!

So better be gentle or you wont be proud.

Jari loves the water and taking a bath…

Stares at KC’s picture without a bat.

He's so small and yet so powerful

That he even makes his lola sing out loud.

His nose is cute and his eyes are always filled with wonder

To Mommy and Daddy, only Jari is the matter.

Oh so many things to tell, we could go on and on…

Telling you the adventures of our newborn,

But the most important tale of

Is that Jari’s presence made our lives whole!

Lovely, isn't it? :)

Anyway, it’s gonna be prelims week starting tomorrow and pretty please give me your best wishes.. err.. good luck! I wonder how’s it like taking the exams in college? Hmm. I guess I just have to see and experience it for myself. Ha-di-ha.

2008-07-24T01:52:00.000-07:00

I knew it.

Every pleasing moment of my stay here in the metro has indeed brought a massive impact in my life. I have been enjoying every single momentous second of it, like gulping a strong orange-flavored soda-in-can—feeling its sweet sharpness as it gush through my most sacred channels. But as I continue to try enjoy my life here, my heart goes on bleeding, bombarded with so much fear and perplexity, feeling like that soda I gulped a few hours ago; that the once sweet soda-in-can will just be nothing but an empty can in the end.

This will be the first time, as a month-old college student, that I will be writing an extremely poignant entry about what I’m really going through at the moment. Just this time… there will be no blissful chants and silly blabs…

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you should know by now that my mom and I have been the silliest rivals for like forever. It's like no matter how hard we try to mend whatever broken bond we have between us, we just keep on struggling. It's never-ending... It's stupid.. and oftentimes, it hurts.

When I think about what happened in the hospital, it just kills me softly. I have long been calloused by mom's hurtful words, but that incident was really unexpected of her. I knew she's capable of hurting me [though not physically]. Of showing to other people how I'm such a disappointment to her-- I was about to pursue BS Biology for college, intended as my pre-med course in UST, everything was all set.. I was just waiting for the school days to start. Then all of a sudden with my dad's company, before I knew it, I've already transferred in the college of AB and was about to pursue AB Legal Management. I was happy, at least, for I don't aim to be a doctor anymore.

I don't want to be a doctor because I've seen their lives. It's a sacred profession, but I never liked my future family to long for my presence. I want to give my will-be family the attention I hungered for so many years myself. I have promised myself not to let my will-be children experience what I’ve been through and going through.

Every time I’m with mom, and she’s asked about me—what course I’m taking up or why didn’t she send me to med school, I would often hear.. “Bio nay an eh. Lumipat sa AB parang tanga.” Or “ewan ko diyan, ayaw magdoctor.’’… These words… do these hurt me? Of course, but I’m pretty much used to it. I have a calloused heart.

Mom’s always telling me to prove myself to her. One time, she said right to my face, “patunuyan mong magiging successful ka. Legal Management? Anong mangyayari sayo?” … I don’t get it why she has always seen herself as superior to anyone, like everything around her is competition. Back in high school, even though she wouldn’t straightforwardly tell me to prove her I’m not weak, it always shows through her veiled words and actions. It came a time that I was really on it, I was in so much pressure that I was always trying to do my best and my best and my best alone until I exploded.

I got into a point that I couldn’t contain it anymore. I got burned out. I still had that good image in school—that Fiona girl who was always the intelligent, trustworthy, and responsible student. But they didn’t know the truth. I started to have a fair taste of teenage vices. I started going out with friends who influenced me badly. At home, I would always lock myself in my room and wouldn't eat. I neglected my schooling and oftentimes I won’t come to school. I was slowly killing my name and losing my reputation.

I didn’t want to blame my parents, or God, or myself,.. I wasn't really aware of where I'm coming from. All I knew back then was that I was not happy with my life. There were many instances that I thought and did stupid things. I would think of ending my life, thinking of creative ways to end my existence. But I Just couldn't really do it. By the end of the day, I would tell myself how foolish of me to think of doing such things.

I began thinking my grandparents. They were the ones who never left my side, they supported me, they filled the role of my parents, and they were the ones I knew I didn't want to lose whatever happens. I thought of their hardships just for me to be able to go to school. I thought of all the pains I caused them ever since. Realizing these things, I tried to pick up the pieces and strived hard again for them.. though I know I'm still shattered inside, I gained enough motivation just thinking of them.

I slowly tried to regain my name, the friends and respect I've lost. It was so difficult really at the beginning, and coz of that there were many times that I couldn't do anything but just break down and cry. I tried to be patient. I tried to be open. And I still hoped that someday Mom would be proud of me.

I thought I could finally have mom boast me with other people when I arrived here, but I was wrong. Instead, I got pushed away. She hated that I shifted course, she accused me of not letting her be a mom to me while I was just waiting for her to treat me like her own daughter, she didnt like my boyfriend just because of his looks, she judged him without knowing who Jeff is, she didnt understand that Jeff was the only person who could see me, who could understand me, and who I could tell my real pains, she made sumbat to my father that dad just got tired of her and I hated that she blames dad and my grandparents for whatever's happening to her, and she never listened to me. She never heard me for she didnt want to hear me.

To be honest, everything is so unclear to me. I am confused. And I really don't know what to do at the moment. My cousin asked me once what's that thing that would make me happy. I retort in tears saying I didn't knowa anymore. I didn't know anymore what would make me happy.

And that just make things seem worthless to me now. Everyday I always come with, what's the point... what's the point in doing what I'm doing at the moment. I thought I was happy. I thought I was right.

Yes, I admit...

I'm a broken person...

2008-07-03T03:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Process

As a few-week-old college freshman, I'm now starting to get used to the life I have here. It's already July and can you just believe how swift and furious time is! It's July already and schoolwork's getting heavier and heavier week after week. I know. This is college, and I'm still learning.

For the first few weeks, we were bombarded with loads of upperclassmen doing their most outrageous bola just to recruit, us freshmen, in their own respective orgs and parties. The joy of being a goodie good freshmen-- hear the whatnots, enjoy the shopping. Ha-di-ha.

I joined two organizations; the Musikat and the Thomasinotaku. Musikat, an org which concentrates obviously on music, events, and such, and Thomasinotaku, an organization for Anime, Manga, and Jappie-everything enthusiasts. I know joining two orgs plus this particular party in my college [which I wont tell for some reason] can possibly get me loaded for the whole semester. It won't be easy really, but thinking about the good things these two can give me, I'm not resisting! Besides, who wouldn't be elated to meet people with same interests as yours, huh?

When I think about my standing in the life I have now, and all the things I've been through to get past through these college jitters, I learned and realized something: That almost everything in my life is a beautiful continuous process. I could still remember how scared I was during the first days of my college. But as days pass by and I'm meeting more and more people and gaining more and more friends, things are slowly turning out fine-- better than what I expected!

Now, I enjoy staying in the university after class knowing that I have many friends there to bump into. My schoolmates and highschool batchmates from Dominican School are almost everywhere, I swear! And I so so SO love the feeling of bumping into them, seeing them with genuine smiles on their faces while exchanging our hellos and how-are-yous.

It makes me realize that being on our own now ain't a hindrance to keep the strong bond between us youngsters who learned our HS lessons, Friendship lessons, and Love lessons together as we grow up and mature in one educational institution.

Life has indeed move on. We're already in college, struggling for survival, [and graduation :P ] , and still here we are, happier than ever.

Schoolwork is just there like a poisonous, silent anaconda. It may attack you when you least expect it and if you don't act the way you're supposed to, you're doomed. For me, knowing that I have friends, and inspirations to do what I'm supposed to do, College, at this point, is an easy peasy task actually. It's a beautiful process I am so willing to devour. :)

2008-05-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

Where have you been, Nudgehead

I do believe that good things come when you least expect it or, at least, at some stage in the most ghastly circumstances of your life ever. I have been, in the past few weeks, in waves of euphoria, several disappointments, and unexpected disasters, but see, I'm still here kicking and still in utmost bewilderment. Phew.

Okay, last last week, I got an enrollment confirmation for BS Biology [can u still remember? Haha]. We tried pushing our littlest luck for AB but to no avail [yet]. So I only got bio in hand to secure a place in UST. Apparently, I was able to enroll myself on time for Bio and in fact had been almost ready for June by then. I was happy being a legitimate Thomasian finally, but it was not easy shrugging off the fact that I never liked being in Bio in the first place, for being in Bio settles my future as a Med student-- which I certainly know is not where I see myself after graduating in college. Since I thought there's nothing I can do but acknowledge my fate, I tried accepting my doom with white uniform neatly draped in clear plastic on my right arm, and moved on with life.

After the enrollment, I went to province to fix some things I left there. Unfortunately, a day after my arrival, an unanticipated mega-storm hit the province like unforgiving drug-induced psycho assassin, dubbed Cosme. Imagine, I was there right then and there when roofs were flying like huge migratory birds, when trees and plants were being rooted out like tumbling bowling pins, when the second level of our house were going ballistic as we feared the worst, when it felt like tomorrow would never come to us as the night seem to go in a very dawdling pace,.. Yes, I was there. I was in Pangasinan. And I was scared. It was traumatic.

When morning came, going outside was even scarier. The sight of the storm's aftermath was unbearable. The once happy and peaceful town became a ghost town in just one night. It was as if I wasn't in the place I thought I was. It made us all cry. What happened ruined our hearts.

I haven't recovered yet from another traumatic experience, when I received a message from Dad saying I needed to go back to the city right away. I was livid. I was livid by how inconsiderate these people were, they didn't have any idea how difficult living had become for us and how difficult it was as well to revamp the damages. But I had no choice but return to Manila right away.

I was asked to go to UST to, for the last time, try for a slot in the AB college. Unfortunately, College of Commerce turned me down for there were no more slots available. When we decided to try for Arts and Letters, we were asked to talk to the assistant dean. Of course, that was luck. When I got to talk to Mam Tabirara, AB's assistant dean, gates of the good heavens opened like kaboom!. Since there were no more slots available for ComArts, the one I want to pursue if ever I got in in AB, the only choices I had were Sociology, Literature, Economics, Philosphy, and Legal Management. I weighed Economics and Legal Management. But since I considered LegMa right from the beginning, I didn't hesitate.

So there you go, after working for my transfer in AB, I'm now an official Artlet-- signed Fiona Megan Q. Decano, AB Legal Management. Does that scare me?? HAHA. I know, I know, Biology is royal. But see, I can't be anymore happier.

So I guess this is Goodluck to me now. Haha.

-----

Pers Day ni Kolehiyala.

Awakened by the annoying sound of my cousin's phone alarm, I groggily forced myself to get up and prepare for an important appointment someplace that day-- an appointment that would soon commence the new and unbelievable installment of my life. It was June 11, it was Wednesday, it was a sleepy morning.. and it was the first day of classes in the royal and pontifical university.

The jeep ride that morning gave me all the unnecessary jitters and butterflies I hated. Probably because it was my first day as a college stude, and two, I really didn’t know what to expect. My heart felt like a mini bass drum being beaten by a mad drummer as I walk along the streets heading to UST.

I felt like my soul was being drawn out of my body as I see lots and lots of unfamiliar faces around me when I arrived at the university. That was hyperbole, of course and lasted only about a nanosecond or two, but see, I'm being honest when I tell you I was really scared at first. Come on! It was a whole new environment and no more lower classmen greeting me ''Hi Ate!'' , no people to ask for stupid questions who will laugh with you, and no one to talk to for chikashings before going to class unlike in Dominican School.

That made me miss my high school again. Awww.

But anyways, I went to my building and to my room, and did my best to try intermingle with the new people I'd be with for the next 4 years. Apparently, I wasn't able to really talk to everyone or made new friends right away. Medyo tinamaan ako ng pagka-timid ko. HAHA. I remember being bothered by how everyone was almost friends with everyone while I was just sitting there. [Which wasn't a big deal at all, really.]

Dismissal that day was scheduled 11am and my PE class would be by 3pm. I was indecisive whether I'd attend my PE orientation or not. But yeah, apparently I did.

And thank God I did.

I was able to meet new friends there and frankly, I enjoyed my PE class more than my first day with the block that day. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because PE requires me no pressure at all unlike in 1LM4 where pressure is painted everywhere. Figures. But dont get me wrong. 1LM4 still rocks. :P

Anyway, in entirety, I survived the first day! And the next day.. and the next! For now, I’m still adjusting. COLLEGE is really difficult. I realized that if you're weak, you'll be dead or you're doomed. But it's also one hell of a roller coaster ride. Maybe it’s a little scary at first, but see..

College isn’t bad after all! :)

*****
VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

My dear bloggy is IN for the CandyBlog awards Finals.. so..

VOTE BLISSFUL CHANTING for BEST WRITTEN BLOG and BEST OVERALL BLOG at the CandyBlog Awards on http://candymag.com/

To Vote, LOG IN or Register first then vote here: http://candymag.com/blogawards/vote
Just look for Blissful Chanting under the aforementioned categories and click submit if you think my blog deserves it. Goodluck to us all Finalists!@

Mwah. :)

2008-05-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

Of Happiness and Dreams

I have always wanted and dreamed so many things in life. From the coolest toys, to perfect Christmas presents, to huge stargazers, to loads of money, to luxury cars, to dream houses, to almost all the extravagant things in life. As I mature and learn things, I've realized that we don't actually have to only dream or wish for something, but want and dream things. I come to a certain degree that it's possible to want everything, because wanting and dreaming are both unrestricted and unlimited.

All can and may dream all things in life. Some could possibly reach beyond their sought after success, and some fail owing to lack of determination and piece of luck. But does it really matter? Does it really matter if you get all you want or not?

I know people who are already at the peak of their own successes but when they're asked if that's really what they have always wanted in life, most would come back with a big EN-OW, no. Most would say, they like the life they're living now but it's not really what they've always wanted. It's not really what would make them jump up and down like happy kids on trampoline.

I think one of the most vital questions in life is: AM I HAPPY?.. How one could possibly go through life lonesome is entirely unattainable. I realized that wanting to possess the best Barbie doll in the entire class back in pre-school was something that could make me the happiest kid in town. And at this moment, dreaming of having the best even not the perfect life in the near future is what would make me truly happy in heart and soul.

We keep on dreaming, we keep on planning our uncertain future, we keep on working hard for it, and we keep on pursuing. We all yearn for success, and even if happiness is just a portion of that, it is the most brilliant aspiration of all, it is what matters most.

I guess dreaming or wanting is not the key here. But pursuing your real happiness is.

And you know what would make me the happiest nudgehead alive in cyberworld? THAT IS A LITTLE FAVOR FROM YOU:

Just go to http://www.candymag.com/, log in or register then,

proceed to http://www.candymag.com/blogawards/vote , under the Best Written Blog category, look for BLISSFUL CHANTING, select, then click the submit button.

Oh by the way, on Friday, I'm going to UST for my Bio Enrollment. Apparently, that AB assistant dean advised us that I enroll first in Bio then if my name would appear on some list [what list ?!] the AB would release by May 21, then I shall pull out my Bio enrollment and pursue AB. Phew. Explained it way simple but it is way way WAY complicated actually.

Thank you so much, and stay happy. Ü

2008-05-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

To all the precious women on Earth

Let's admit it, they are the most precious women in this world. No one could ever top all the hardships they've gone through for us to witness our very own existence here. We owe them everything. No matter how annoying they can be, they will always be that one person we would run to in times of need. No matter how much pain we've caused them, they will always be that person who would never cease to accept us with open arms.

Their love is immeasurable. No love by a lover, or by a best friend, can ever beat the love our mothers are giving to us. We are the best thing that has ever happened to their lives and they would do anything to protect us.

A simple greeting and some gesture wouldn't be enough to give them back all the love for all these years. But one thing's for sure, as long as we keep on loving them and being the best person we could be, it could mean everything for them.

So for all the great mothers out there,

and to my own..

16 and a quarter years ago, there exist no nudgehead yet, no blissful chanting to read, no boo boo, but someone so special, so gorgeous, and loving, endured everything, sacrificed everything just to give this nudgee a chance to see the world,-- for her lifetime to see, for her lifetime to bear.

This someone so special, who I owe my life, is no other than my own mother. My mother who has been, for me, one of the most gorgeous women alive in her early 40s [as I type this anyway].

I admit that my mom and I haven't been the perfect team, we argue, we fight, we cry, and have been causing so much pain to each other but see, even if we always have these dim issues, we are so not the near-perfect worst mother and daughter. We still have our happy moments. We still laugh like crazy people, we shop like crazy people, and we somehow bond like crazy people.

Even if at some point in my life I've said how I hate my mom, I know in my heart that I couldn't possibly hate her. I mean, she's given almost everything for me, her only child. And I know no one could ever love me so much than my own mother.

You will always be my mom... I love you so much.

2008-05-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

Long Gone Family Picture & Accepted Reality

I can't believe how immediate we flip our calendars over for month changeovers. I mean, it's already May, and can you just believe how swift April was! It's already May [wish I could pause the number flow, you know], and I've got a few things to deal with. Most would probably those emotional things again, hypothetically.

In a few weeks, I will be moving out away from home to chase and work hard for my dreams. It feels sad that I have to live away from these people, my grandparents and cousins, whom I've felt the most comfortable to live with. It feels sad that I have to be away from home. Even if there are loads of things that's so depressing sometimes about home, I'll always love it coz I know I'll always be a part of it.

Thinking past imaginations into reality, I haven't really gone greens with the issues and more issues I have with my family. Maybe because I haven't been thinking about it until now. Until now that it is already May, and mother's day's looming around, and things are starting to change and people are learning to get accustomed to changes.

I don't have the perfect family. Not in a million trillion zillion years. It's been years since Mom and Dad's wedding got annulled. In fact, Mom's going to marry Randy already this August and Dad already has his own family with Tita Shao, his new wife, and Jari, their child.

I still have my own share of childhood memories with Mom and Dad that are so vivid up till now. But those are just memories now, you know. I was in grade school when they got separated. As a young introverted kid, it was difficult for me to deal with the separation. I never showed them how hurtful it was for me. I was always ''yeah, it's okay--I'm fine'' well in truth, I wasn't. I never spoke up, I tried not to show them the tears-- the tears that never ceased flowing when I locked up alone in my room.

To both of them, I was the most understanding child. That it wasn't really a big deal for me, though it really was. I remember the first time Mom introduced Randy to me. I had just arrived in her condo and I saw the guy's picture. I was waiting for mom to tell me the truth. The truth I was dying to hear ever since I knew that the ''baby'' thing in her phone calls wasn't just someone's name. I remember that scene, I was sitting in her bed, and she was staring at the window, then she told me everything about the new guy.

I was supposed to cry hearing the irrefutable truth. But I remember keeping the pain to myself and told her, with a faint and fake smile, ''okay lang, may itsura siya.'',. I was holding back the heartbreaking emotion. That same night, we went to Subic to finally meet Randy in person. He was so tall and manly. And he was so affectionate to me and mom. But I was full of hatred to him.

I never liked Randy, much as I love my tita Shao. I don't know. When Dad first introduced me personally to Tita Sharon, I remember feeling so delighted and happy. So different from the feeling I felt when I met Randy. Maybe because by the time I met Tita Shao, I already had better understanding, have already accepted the whole reality and have moved on.

When I met Tita Sharon, I knew it was going to be her. I knew Dad deserves her. And I felt extremely happy when they finally tied the knot last August.

I may be a product of a broken family but who cares? I still am my own person now, and if not for this, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today.

The only thing that's adding to my frustration, now that I'm drawing close to the end of my teenage years, is that Mom and I seem to get worse and worse. You see, Mom and I have endless, unresolved, stupid issues. Most are small, immature rather, issues gone big. When I think about it, it's saddening. It feels sad that while most teens my age are close to their moms, even best friends with them, I'm a partial stranger to my own and vice versa. But see, despite of the painful stuff, words, or deeds she's given to me, she will always be my mother and I know she will always love me as I will love her always.

Whatever happens, she's still my Mom. I think it's about time to move on, let it all pass and just go with the flow. Especially now that I've grown tired of us in dispute. And for this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of sending her flowers. Something I haven't done before. It's also my way of making it up to her for literally forgetting to greet her during her birthday last Feb. Go figure. Oh well, wish me luck. :)

In a few weeks time, I will be packing my things and move out here to LG and live with my cousin Kathleen. There are oodles of things to do for this whole college and moving out thing. So again, wish ''May'' luck!

2008-04-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Secured, Less Assured [Wth?!]

It's an assortment of all the feelings I could ever assume, or feel rather, whenever I think of all the good things unfurling drastically in my almost platonic life these past couple of weeks. Imagine surpassing all the stress I'm not supposed to have just because it's summer and I'm supposed to be enjoying beaches and indoor chilly snacks. And oh, thank goodness for me staying here in the suburbs of Makati with Dad and the family, [with Jari, most especially, who's gotten huge this time], it felt a lot less like the big S.

Is dat yu payona I si wuking?!

The good news is, I'm all over the tensing battle for UST slot. When I got Mom's message telling me to report and confirm my enrollment on the 23rd of April, I immediately worked it out. Cousin Kathleen, who's going to be my roommate all through my college years [hopefully] or for a long while at least, accompanied me that day. We got up really early and rushing (!) that morning only to arrive at the university really early that we had to wait for nearly half an hour before we could go into the main building [the guards wouldn't let us in at first hmp!]. Anyway, when we got inside and made our way up to the 3rd floor, I was asked to go to the Pedrosa hall while Cuz wait for me outside, yada yada yada... [I don't want to go one-by-one here alright?].. After what seems like another half an hour waiting for Ma'am-whoever in that chilly near freezing room with expectant incoming freshies like yours truly, I finally got to get my richly deserved "You're-already-cleared-up-so-you-may-come-back-on-May-16-for-your-enrollment" statement. I was ecstatic! But not totally that hyped. I mean, yeah, I got to get The Slot I was long stressing out but I got it in College of Science, in Biology course specifically. A course I can manage now to abhor that I would kill just to get a confirmation statement as well in AB CommArts or Legal Mgmt or that Business Ad thing in College of Commerce. Grr. Whatever happened to that "any medical course is not for me" huh?!

Alright. So that's pretty much of good news, me securing a real slot at the royal and pontifical university. Hm. And I figure DS graduates would bombard UST big time. Haha. I can just walk around the whole campus and have an 80-90% chance of bumping into someone I know. Someone I know a graduate of my high school alma mater, that is.

Anyway, I can't wait to get myself enrolled, and I can't wait even for June 11, start of schooling, or that Welcome Freshmen Event. It doesn't feel that strange to be in an entirely new environment with a whole new crowd to deal with now. I don't know, maybe I embrace change and meek transitions so much that I feel rather delighted than tense. Figures.

2008-04-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

Life's Biggest Question

Sometimes I dare ask myself if I know who I really am-- sans the obvious facts, of course. It is a question that would take a lifetime or never even for someone to propose a well-scrutinized answer. Whenever I attend spiritual retreats, which brings me to different parts of Luzon, it seems it has been a custom for the master to offer activities to the retreatants that would help them discern their whole existence in life, their standing, their being-- yada yada, you know the stuff.

Sure. I mean, based on experience, it has helped. But never fully. It has only awakened you to more mature thinking, and has opened the door of added confusion to your already chaotic life. But don't get me wrong. It ain't a bad thing. Coz at least, you know that one purpose why you're here trudging the yellow brick road is to know yourself more, and slowly build a whole being that is rightfully yours.

I have thought of this during my stay in the city and all the while battling for my looming college schooling. When asked what course to get, I simply answer,. ''hindi ko pa po alam..''.. Which is true. I wouldn't answer them with something I am not entirely sure for fear I might change my mind any moment. I know I want to belong to the corporate world when I reach employment stage, I know I want to deal with papers rather than SARS-stricken people, I know I want to take the elevator to the 20th floor rather than take the ramp along with wheel-chaired patients to the second floor, I know I want to carry a laptop rather than a stethoscope to work. And I certainly know I want to be REALLY successful someday.

For now, all I want is to excel well in a flexible course that would assist me to my goals. UST fate would still be revealed tomorrow, and UST or not, College of Commerce or not, Business Ad or not, I want to make it big. My mom, of all the people in the world, seems to only see my weaknesses. I've never heard her commend to my capabilities and achievements, instead I hear the most unbelieving, anti-picker upper words. But see, even if it makes my two ears tomato red and hot, it's definitely all right. Why? Coz if it weren't for my mom telling me dispiriting stuff, I wouldn't get even more provoked to better what I deem best.

If there's one thing I surely know about myself, that is the attitude of showing rather than proving. See, why prove if you can just show and let them do the judging, harsh or ruthful.

I have been hitting the university for many times this month, and I am growing more at ease there each time I walk here and by. Before, I couldn't imagine myself rushing to Espana gate every morning. Now, I'm so expecting to rush in to the AB building past the two manong gwardiyas every so often.

I thought that it would be nice to go into the Tan Yan Kee building every now and then for org meetings, or for some audition I want to try in. Hm. UST Singers sounds cool, and I hear an audition going on for their upcoming European concert tour, I mean, that's way way WAY cool huh?. And of course, me qualifying? Haha. That's just TOO GOOD to be true.

See, I am now developing a stronger grip to the whole new reality of my living. In few years time, I'll be working my way to food, transpo, luho, and all that. In few years, I will still be going on searching for rightful answers to the BIG question. In few months, it's going to be a lot hectic again.

But I've got better understanding now, and nothing, hopefully, would scare the bejesus out of me anytime soon. I believe for what I know I am right now, and that's just the way it is. Ha-di-ha.

This for now. Til' then.

2008-04-07T02:57:00.001-07:00

Mature Decisions and Drastic Transitions

Life transitions are probably the best things in life that I appreciate the most beyond doubt. These are the times I discover and rediscover new things, realize what has to be realized, and act upon things that call for a lot of consideration and maturity.

A lot of people, especially the assuming ones, tell me that I seem like a person who has been through all life's highest points, even the lowest. That they see me as a flawed emotional capsule crammed with all the biases and happy endings waiting to be formed as a single roving soul. But see, in reality, I'm barely 17, still a minor-- doesn't know where Greenland is, haven't done scuba diving yet, unemployed, and haven't accomplished much so far in life. I'm just an inexperienced fool only with a heart hungry for wisdom and success.

It's true I have been through a lot. You, too. I mean, we all have been. Maybe the reason why I differ from anybody else [or so I say] and people can say such things, is because I try to extract as many things-- realizations, comprehensions, possibilities, negativities, etc,-- as possible from all the experiences, and assess them one at a time until I move on.

I enjoy meeting a lot of people. I like talking, sharing, listening to their stories and opinions, etc., because from there I get to see a whole different perception of the real world. The held high and low points of my life bump into theirs, and there I would come to realize that we may all have been going through the same things, but we all vary in the ways we deal and see it. It's like playing a game of chess. You know the moves. But you have your own scheme that is entirely different from your opponent. You are the boss. You control.

In June, I will be off to college. A world that is comparatively different from the world I once knew. Candidly speaking, I am scared. I'm frustrated. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what awaits me. Will the world crumble? Or will it flourish? Well, I don't have the answer but I certainly know that many are in the same boat with me right now.

This whole college thing is one of the major transitions in life that is now progressively unfolding on my part, and whether I like it or not, I exist to accept it. Some would choose to be summoned by fear and pressure. Some would use it to be more motivated. See, the outcome of everything we're going through in life depends on us-- how we deal with it. How we make the right and wrong decisions.

Tomorrow morning, I'll be heading to UST to confirm my enrollment. I haven't really gotten to the peak point of my decision regarding to what College I'll apply for. I passed Biology-- a good pre-Med course. But after the incident I went though, I realized that I'll be happier taking up Business Ad., or Legal Management, or ComArts, and that any medical course is not really for me.

It seems too late now to do something to be able to take what I really want [College of Commerce and C. of Arts & Letters do not accept shifters unless certain conditions]. And yeah, I have my pressured-constipated mind to blame for making the wrong decision when I was still filling the crappy USTET form up last year.

Now that I've learned, and am wiser, I'm hoping that this transition, so major, so scary, in my life would be.. though imperfect, the finest stage of my teenage life.

Geez, I don't want to deal with dead formalin-induced frogs for two whole semesters!

2008-04-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

Buksan Mo ang Summah

It's April. It's Summer. It's hot.

So how would you want a large-sized bowl of Halu-Halo beaming with Halu-Halo fruits, leche flan, flakes, .Nata de Cocos, Sagos, beans, with one scoop each of two flavored ice creams, screaming right at your face? Yum!

It's definitely summer, and can you just believe the heat here in the country! Sod Global Warming, the summer heat seemed to have increased in temperature this year. Notice! Hm. For that, I'm so becoming a total indoor girl developing contagious phobia of the Sun. Not that I hate the Sun-- Sun that sustains life and all that, just that, going out there with Mr. Sunny up so high, with rays shining like halleluiah is rather scary. I'm thinking I would burn to death, or turn into ashes, get blown by the wind and vanish, or get awfully dark as that kohl on my makeup kit, or get my whole body blazing with fire like Human Torch the moment I step out of the house. I mean, it's seriously hot outside and I'm losing my head.

Since I'm officially and thankfully through with my ''highschool'' life, which I'm sure I'll miss terribly, as of last week, I shall make the most out of my two pre-kolehiyala months. Instead of sulking over the 2008 heat and bore myself at home, why not do something significant, productive, and yet enjoyable, right? It's common to most teens my generation to get all jaded during the first few weeks of Summer, especially those who don't attend summer classes, or jobs since the Summer Shock [read: no paperworks, rushing, or any poopwork for this matter] requires average adjustment. It's absolutely understandable.

So if you guys are worrying much about being jammed at home, don't fret! There's still hope! It's barely the start of the whole season! Right now, you can just sit there, get your planner, [or anything] and go jot all the things you want to do this Summer. No limits. Go, do it. Be inspired. I'll do that now.

Anyway, I'm so pleased to tell everyone that I'm really recuperating fast from the surgical operation I went through last month. Like when you see me right now, you'll never know I went through something horrible recently. I look healthy now, thank you very much, and thank God, malls are now permissible in my system. See, yesterday I finally got to start doing my usual weekend lakwatsa.

I first went to DS to get my report card and certificate of good moral character to Mrs. Sarmiento. I got the chance to talk to some of my teachers for a good minute or two, and right then and there I knew I'm gonna miss DS for real, especially them who I owe most part of what knowledge I have now. Aye, did you know that almost everyone pala in the faculty thought I suffered from appendicitis? HAHA. They didn't know that it was ruptured corpus luteum, which was a lot worse than appendicitis. Anyhoo, those educators deserve a big-time credit from nudgehead because of the full assistance and consideration they gave me.

After DS, I went to Digital Learning, then off to the mall with my cousins, Leslie and Dessiree.

I treated the two to the movies since God only knows when the last time was that I got to watch one. While inside the movie house and enjoying my popcorn and green apple float drink as Les and Des munched down their own victuals, I received a text message from Jaycyl, my guy's friend. He was asking me to write a letter for Jeff and not tell him a single word about it. Jeff, together with his co-SE members of St. John ministry, would be leaving that day for Baguio for a three-day retreat. The said letter, which Jaycyl said would totally surprise my guy [and I love surprising people!], will be read during the retreat. And I was supposed to give Jaycyl the letter before 2:00pm and it was already 1:35pm then.

So I grabbed a pen and paper and hurried out the movie house and the mall. I told him to meet me in front of Mouse House Café. Since I hardly had any time left, I rode the jeepney right away and I struggled to do my letter inside the moving vehicle. A bumpy ride. Good thing I got to finish the thing properly and arrive at MH café on time.

After giving him the letter, I went back to the mall, and before I could even think of going back inside the movie house, I realized I forgot na magpatatak [which meant I wouldn't be able to enter cinema 3 anymore unless I buy new ticket] . So instead of heading back at the movie house, I headed at Carafe [which was located inside the mall naman], surfed the net, and waited for my two cousins.

By the way, I bumped along Sir Barbie [choreographer of our cheerdance last January, remember? Yung bakla. :D] while I was looking for my cousins at the mall. We had a good second or two and before we part ways, I was surprised to see myself hugging her, I mean him. Haha. I thought, she [I mean HE!] used to make fun of me anyway, and besides we owe her [I mean HIM!] a lot for winning the competition.

PHEW!!!

To sum up, I had a pretty good lakwatsa day with my cousins. Though it wasn't really fun, it was still fun!.. labo eh. Hehe. It's not like everyday that I get to spend time with both of them, anyways.

... and I hope Jeff cries his heart out reading my letter. HAHA. =)

***

Later that Friday night,

I was doing some stuff in my PC when Grandmother entered the room whilst blabbing something about San Juanico Bridge.

Grandmother: What is the longest bridge in the Philippines?
Me: San Juanico Bridge! *proud*
Me: Alam niyo ba ba't pinagawa yun??? *smiles*

(NO answer)

Me: -_- *shrugs away*

Grandmother: What is the longest river in the world?
Me: NILE!!! [I was kidding]
Grandmother: Wrong! Missosouri river!
Me: Anong MisSOsouri, MISSOURI LANG!
Grandmother: Ay! Me Sori!

Hahahahahahaha. Such convo happens only once in a blue moon and I will hang myself if I didn't get to write that. Haha. I know you don't find it that funny, and most of you would think I'm sick crazy that it's such a nonsense blah, but come on! You can just imagine the whole scene!... Or maybe I'm really that mababaw. Oh boooy.

***

>> Ramiele's out on A.I.

>>I want my hair done.

>> I'll be reporting in UST this April 10. Pray, pray, PRAY, that I get the slot and confirm my enrolment any time soon. Shooooot.

2008-04-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

See-you-agains and Beginnings

It's official. I've graduated.

I finally got to shake hands with the school admin and get, at last, my diploma last Saturday. I guess everything's been said and done during last Saturday's ceremony, and the only thing I could utter in a candid mood right now are these few words: ''Congratulations Batch 2008! I'm so gonna miss you all!''

The moment I received my diploma from our all-smiling directress, I knew it was already the commencement of the wild, obnoxious, mulish yet sweet life in college and in the real world. Though the whole ceremony turned out to be a total bore [which is natural to all graduation ceremonies here in the country anyway], I still appreciate the fact that the girls looked good that hot afternoon, that the boys were so kulit parin under mad sweats, that almost everyone had medals to bring home to make their mommas proud, that Justin did a great job on his momentous speech-- I almost cried [KIDDING], that we all looked like students from Hogwarts School of Magic, that the song choices for the whole grad event were nice, and that most part of the celebration was laughable rather than mushy and dramatic.

Even if my efforts in maintaining and bettering my grades didn't pay off that much because of the traumatic incident I went through last last last week, I'm still thankful to dear God Almighty that I made it, I managed to graduate in time, had a few humble awards to brag, and in no time soon I'll be kicking my butt off in college. Now that's what I call truly blessed.

We've gotten tired of the daily DS routine but who wouldn't miss that among my batchmates? Almost 12 years of stay in Dominican School is no joke, kiddo. You do almost the same thing everyday that it felt like you'd be doing that all the days of your life. But I know, as soon as I get to feel the hurdle of my next verve--in college, I mean-- I'll be wishing I could stick to my old daily routine back in high school. But then again, it's now over.

As I continue to receive group messages from my batchmates and friends telling everyone all the touching and emo stuff, I will go on missing them more and more. I will never get tired missing these people I used to be with, talk, and see almost everyday; the nicest people on Earth who would always be there, the craziest people on the planet I love to be with most of the time... these are the people, my batchmates from DS 07-08, who refined my being today, and who in all honesty, made living in this scary world happy indeed.

We're all moving on now and it is for good. We have dreams to pursue, and goodbyes are just the beginning of all the wonderful things ahead of us. I wish us all the best luck in life and that may we all pull off our goals without forgetting where we came from, and the people who has been part of our cultivating years.

Then again I say to everyone, this is no goodbye. We'll all see each other again with better hellos, better ohmyghads, and better see-you-agains.

Dominican School Batch 2007-2008, Congratulations and til' next time! Ü

Farewell by R.L.

This is my now by J.S.

***

By the way, thank you to Mom, Dad, Tita Shao, Cuz Kathleen, Tito Randy, Lolo Benny, Lola Oriang, and cousins Leslie and Dessiree for witnessing my graduation. I know it was so hot that afternoon inside the hall but you were still there for me.

Thank you Leslie for accompanying me all throughout, to my "Bae" Oriang for making it in time for mass that I was able to give you my sincerest gratitude for everything, to my uncle Alao for driving, to Dad, Tita Shao, and Cuz Kath for making it at the event-- for being my personal photographers for the day [haha, kidding], to Mom and Tito Randy for making it even at the last minute before the marching, to Dessiree and "Ama" Benny for coming, to aunt Edith and nana Shirley for preparing delicious meals at home, to the Tamayo family who visited me home, to Sr. Directress for making me feel proud as I join my batchmates during the grad rites, to Mr. Joeffrey Chan for the smile and teeny clap [I saw that, HAHA] when I was on stage, to all my teachers for the consideration they gave me when I was in my very worst condition that I couldn't almost make it to the graduation, and to all the parents of my batchmates who greeted me.

4-SD, 4-SAG, YUARJI, AIIZYNTCHEL, ENCORD, ARCHIA, ALKATRAZ, NYSAAZYOTE, DOODLES, CLINX, GRENDURBY, and to all… You guys are amazing. Though lots of groupie names rise in both classes, we're still one, right?

Erika, Cham, Katlen, Ynah, Anaw, Crystal, Ariane, Hedy, Lorena, May Anne, Maeinra, Charmaine, Jazel, Jessalyn, Pia, Margie, Marion, Chuckie, Arjune, Narenn, Allen, Richmond, Marco, Ramon, Nico, Karizze, Majie, Karissa, Ivan, Bryan --- I had the best moments with you guys. Thank you so much.

* * *

Sigh... FINALLY.

2008-03-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

Rants First, then the Gratitudes...

I'm not supposed to attend tomorrow's graduation because of some lame reason I must not divulge to the public. And come on! I haven't been to the rehearsals for over three weeks now, and it was only yesterday that I got to visit DS for the first time since the incident and I only stayed there for less than an hour to greet these wonderful people I missed a lot and thank everyone for you-know-what. It wasn't even enough to be familiar with all the things I need to do for tomorrow. I don't know where to place myself yet, I don't know the songs, and generally, I only have the slightest idea of what I'll be doing there the whole time. In short, I'm going to be pretty much in deads tomorrow.

If it wasn't really for the navy blue toga and the people who would be attending the program, I wouldn't go. In fact, I don't attend recognition events ever since even if I'm part of it [my grade school grad is an exception though]. I don't know, I just don't feel it. And I believe I got that from my mom-- genetic, toodles. Anyway, our togas are cool. Wearing it, we don't look like high school graduates-- believe me. I like to have a cool shot wearing that. Niyaha. I'm afraid of those heels however.

There is one thing that makes me so excited about tomorrow, though. Mom, together with Randy, will be there, and Dad, together with Tita Shao and my cousins, will be there too! I mean, how cool is that having both sides of the family attend my most inexperienced graduation?.. Well actually, I find it extremely hilarious. I know that for both Mom and Dad, it'll be an awkward picture, but not to me!... Why? Well, I just thought it would be nice to see them interrelate with one another. Everyone has already moved on and for me, WHY MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF SOMETHING which doesn't really have any issue attached to it at all. It'll just be funny to see who would express a forced emotion. Come on, just be real guys! Haha.

Oh shoot, so I'm really attending my graduation tomorrow. And goodbye Dominican School-- to the school of my childhood, pre-teen, and mid-teen years, to the school where I learned my ABCs, where I learned to prevail over my blackboard and stage frights, where I got to meet cool and freaky teachers, where I got to excel in subjects I enjoyed and fail in subjects I abhorred, where I got my first fight with a boy, followed by another and another, where I learned not to be so pala-away and masungit with boys and eventually make friends with them, where I got to transform myself from a nerdy boyish gal to a cool preppy girl, where I got loads of recognitions, where I became indeed popular at some point in time, where I got to be part of the elections, where I had my first crush, first flowers, first love, and first boyfriend, where I met loads of friends and best friends, where I showcased my learned skills and talents, where I was able to develop my confidence, where I got to get out of the school grounds and compete even outside the region and bring pride and euphoria to my alma mater, where I got to be close to the teachers and personnel, where I met backstabbers and bitches, where I met accidents and all that, and WHERE I LEARNED TO BECOME A TRUE DOMINICAN in heart and soul.

Looking back to all these years I've been in DS, it's quite amazing how I survived the horrible and most amazing years of my stay there. I could say I hate DS for crying out loud, but I just can't help but be thankful to be part of the Dominican family. Thinking, maybe I'm not the person I am today if Mom didn't choose this private catholic school 12 years ago. I have the values I've learned, and the legacy that the Dominican School has given me will always be a part of me even if I extend my bittersweet bye byes now.

Thank you Dominican School. Thank you for allowing me to have the most wonderful memories of my life take place in you. Thank you for the wonderful places you have where I got to meet people, and where I was able to spend the best times in. Thank you for the great history you've shared with me through the years, I'll always be proud of you. I'll always be proud I am a Dominican.

****

FACES:

To the Religious and Dominican Faculty-- THANK YOU SO MUCH. I owe the things I’ve learned to all of you. You taught me the knowledge, the values, and the things I need to be a better person as I go through life. Thank you so much.

To my batchmates from Kinder 1 to 4th year, we've got loads of Dominican memories to share noh? And it feels great that you're part of it. Things are so much happier because you guys are around. To my current batchmates, I'm really gonna miss you all. We've got the best times and the worst times, but see, we still seem as if we're one united battalion. I'm gonna miss everyone, seriously. We're all moving on now. We won't be seeing each other as often as before, but I'm sure that the next time we'll all be gathering like one big family again, it will be a day of better hellos and better see-you-agains. Congratulations to all of us coz we've made it! Let's keep our hopes up, and hope to see you guys very very soon.

To the barkada and friends: It's been such amazing years, and I'm glad that despite everything we've been through, nandun parin yung samahan. Most of the best times I had with friends, I spent with you guys. I can seriously cry right now going back through all the times we've had. Sigh. I know we'll all be parting ways soon, but I hope that we'd still be keeping in touch. Mwah.

To the undergrads I've been friends with [you know who you are]: Doumo Arigatou, thank you, salamat, for the friendship. Ü Enjoy DS as much as you can, coz I'm not kidding when I say, you're going to be miss DS terribly when you graduate.

I enjoyed my 12 years of stay. Thank you very much. And I will miss you.

2008-03-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

Never Pointless

It's Holy Week here and everybody, well not really everybody, is on a mega hot pre-Summer vaca. I'm not really one of these nudges--- these people who just last week accidentally broke their stiletto heels rushing for time, and deadlines, and loud bosses, and blah blah blah, coz hell I, on my part, haven't been to school, to the mall, or anywhere else yet but home ever since I got out from the hospital when I was supposed to be stressing out for papers and deadlines too. [LABO eh] So thess 3 weary weeks I'm consuming doesn't really count for a sweet vaca, does it? Hmmm.... Seven more months before I'm fully healed?! Ha-di-ha.

While I'm hearing the quarter half of the teen population whine about how dull their week's going or grope around for constructive and bleak things to do, I worry about what to worry first in my inexorable listing of arbitrary thoughts.

Last week, I felt like I was getting used to doing absolutely nothing dynamic and positive. And I thought I must must MUST not allow indolence manipulate the way I think and do things. I must stop all the idleness and start brainstorming about what to do to be productive regardless of me being undeniably ill.

First, I thought it would be nice to go back to my virtual world since the only thing I got for now is my ever faithful DSL internet connection. Then there it is, starting off with some blog updates to rekindle this old blog, video watching on YouTube [I'm so into it right now,], DeviantArt browsing to get crazy creative art ideas, some blog hopping to get updated with online buddies, posting in forums, web browsing, and a lot more. I also feel like going back to my Jpop-Kpop-Jdorama-Kdorama-Anime madness. Haha.

Second, aside from getting my virtual life back, I thought of turning this Designs and Layouts service I'm handling into serious business. I'm still thinking of a good business label that would fit what I do and who's doing it [that's me of course, dope], and I'm planning to take this one not only online but in the real world as well. Besides, designing and layouting is actually my hobby, I enjoy it, and I want to make money. I'm not expecting to earn big-time here. I just like to have extra moohlahs around. I'm also thinking of getting a job this Summer. But since it will still take 7 more months before I'm finally healed from the operation, I doubt it. It won't hurt to try though.

Third, I thought I must start paying attention to my setting off in college. I mean, I haven't really been taking this college stuff seriously and good heavens know I'm not really giving full attention to it. And now it has hit me, that hey me, in one week I'm gonna be officially graduating from highschool with my navy blue toga and after that, it's the start of my potential battle for college slot in UST. I'm sweating as I type that. Woo! I've got to report in UST by April 10, and I must must MUST be able to get there whatever, I MEAN, WHATEVER happens and get a pre-enrollment testimony. Otherwise, I'm gonna be doomed for life.

Anyway, Summer's around the corner and it's freaking HOT, man! And what better way to enjoy the Summer than beaches and chilly ice creams is by having lots of quality ME-time to get ready for the entirely new world I'll be going into this June.

P.S.
I really would appreciate if you UST people could give me some encouraging stuff, or tips, or anything! Just help me wake my UST-bound, college-bound mind.. please please PLEASE!

P.S.S.
Mr brother's so adorable isn't he? [see post below]

Mwah. Ü

2008-03-21T10:30:00.001-07:00

Son of God

Olo Oho to my brotho lo oho!

Welcome to the Christian world my Jari Jari JARI boy! Ah, yes. He's a christened man now, and he's up for it. Too bad I wasn't able to attend his baptism last March 08, 2008 @ Guadalupe Nuevo Church [DAD! Tama ba?] for I .... well.... just got out from the hospital then and obviously couldn't make it at that time. NOT sweet.

Anyway, thanks to technology, I had a teeny idea of what went through during the whole occasion. When Dad showed and sent me Jari's baptismal photos thru the internet, I was like, "Man, he's gotten big!". The last time I saw him he hardly opens his eyes and his face wasn't as plump as his cutie chubby face now. And geesuz, his eyes are gorgeous. This little guy will break many girls' hearts. HAHA.

The happy and proud parents of little man.

I really wanna see my haffie brothie already! You'll wonder why oh why in the world would he not want a glimpse of a nudgehead? HUH! Anyway, I'll be seeing more of him naman starting June. And in June I'm off to college! Oh boooy.

I love you so much brother dear. See you soon. :)

***

How are you?

Ever since I got hospitalized, and finally be able to get home, things have changed a lot. I can't still say though if things have changed for the better or for worse, but all I can say is that, I'm happy but wee percent down. Well, of course, there are lots of things to be happy about like being alive after what happened, being given a second chance to live my life, being remembered by people I thought already forgot me, being missed by people I didn't expect to miss me, being lucky to have almost all the people around me treat me like some disabled superior, and etcetera. But you see, I'm not used to some of these things.

I'm still recovering from the surgery, obviously, and part of this period is going through all the painful process of healing. The operation site still hurts a lot and I still can't move that much. Limited movements. I lie down almost all the time and what better way to kill the impending boredom here at home is to sleep my heart out.

My food consumption is better now than before where two spoons and a sip of water I'm already full. No more liquid or soft diets for I can take full meals now. I eat what I can tolerate but I take them in small amounts. My walking is still terrible. It takes me more than a few minutes to move from one place to another because I take one small careful step at a time, and every step hurts I tell you! I can't stand straight. And worse? I can't sit down that long. It's the same as saying, I can't fold myself. Hh?! So lying down's the best position for me now-- straight, no side to side. It hurts.

I'm lucky that I have my aunt Edith, who serves as my caregiver now, who does things for me. She would bring me my food, give me my medications, help me get up, making alalay to me everytime I wish to walk or sit, help me do my thing inside the bathroom [Peeing is extremely painful man], wakes me up in the morning and waits at night til' I decide to hail everyone goodnight, etc. It's good to have her really. For if someone like her is not around, I will be doomed for life, I swear.

But downside is, I'm so not used to being served like this. I mean, I know I still can't do some things alone but man, I just don't feel that at ease. I'm used to doing things my own and how they treat me at home feels like I'm some disabled girl who got nothing but doom. But I'm very thankful though. As in VERY.

The ordeal may not be finished yet, but hey... I'm getting there. And I can't wait to get my life back. And live the normal, second life, BETTER.

2008-03-13T23:49:00.000-07:00

The Untold Story

It was about seven in the evening when I came home rushing on TV for American Idol. I still had my daily uniform on while watching David Archuleta sing this song I'm not familiar with. He was good. Way too good for someone his age. I sat on the living room's chilly flooring, just beside my grandmother who was sitting at the rocking chair at that time. We were both cheering for David, and then all of a sudden I felt a slight slicing pain in my abdominal area, specifically just below the navel. I was feeling the pain, but undeterred with my watching.

I thought I was hungry since the last time I had something to munch on was four hours ago. I went into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and took the bottle of Coke. I drank two glasses of Coke before I walked my way back to the living room, with my grandmother still on the rocking chair and Ryan Seacrest doing the numbers on TV. The pain was still there, but it wasn't painful enough to bother me…. no... not yet.

Commercial break, I went into the study area to check the PC if the internet connection was fine [I had loads of encoding to do that time that were all due the next day]. It was fine one nanosecond then great, the connection was failing me again. Since it would take a few minutes before the connection could get back on line, I went back to the living room to continue my watching, just to see Credits rolling in on the telly. The pain was more painful now, I thought I had to go to the comfort room. After one not-so-successful comfort room distress, I went back to my glass of Coke thinking it would somehow ease the pain.

When I headed back to the living room, they were already praying the rosary, which has been a family habit by the way and was so monotonous for me to participate in at that time that I decided to go straight to the study room and finish all my PC works instead. It wasn't even like ten minutes after I sat in front of the PC when I felt the pain again that literally made my knees go all weakly and shaky.

I ran to the comfort room only to find myself struggling for nothing. I gave up inducing bowel movement and went back to the living room, [they were already finished with the rosary],. Walking my way towards the couch, the pain was already painful enough to bother me. Grandfather was sitting on the couch and before I could even reach him, I fell down the floor with hands on my hurting tummy.

"… uhh… ang sakit ng tiyan ko…" I cried.
"Ano bang nakain mo?" my grandmother asked who was still sitting at the rocking chair. Before I could even answer her, I cried out loud in pain. My mind was racing. I remembered the laing and chicken curry I ate at Mrs. Valle's at lunch, the green mango I ate come dismissal time, the pineapple juice, the hotdog, everything I ate during the day. I suspected the green mango. Grandmother suspected the laing.

"Kung san san ka kasi kumakain di mo tinitignan kinakain mo.." grandmother was lecturing me. Haha, I was still crying in pain. She told me to drink frosty Coke, she said it would "kill the bacteria in my stomach."

"Ayoko ng Coke. Andami ko na ngang nainom pero mas lalong sumasakit tiyan ko… UHHH!!!!.... " I cried again in pain. The pain was unbearable that I was already lying and rolling on the floor. Then I began to feel weak, as if something had zapped away all my strength. I was lying there on the floor, now with pillow to embrace on my still hurting tummy, my mind started racing again. The lesson plan, which included less fifty pages of encoding and was due the next day, I couldn't start. My guy and my groupmates, I still hadn't texted him nor them yet. I was worried, I couldn't even get my phone because of the pain that was bringing me tears. My thesis, which kept on begging me for one serious topic, I couldn't even find time to research. My clearance, which needed clearing up the next day for me to take the finals, I couldn't even work on. Everything I needed and wanted to do I couldn't do… I was helpless.

Everyone was worried, the pain didn't want to show any sign of relieve. Amazingly though, I was able to do some joking with my cousins despite the pain I was feeling. I was able to handle a few laughs that I knew made my grandfather thought I wasn't serious about my pain.

Two hours had passed, I found myself lying at my grandparents' bed. I was feeling weak, and nauseous. I began fearing food poisoning.

"dalhin ka na namin sa ospital?" grandmother asked me.
"ayoko.. andami-dami ko pang dapat tapusin…" I was literally crying in frustration and pain.

It was so painful, I feel so weak and shaky, I wanted to vomit. But I never thought of anything worse. Grandmother was so worried he asked grandfather to fetch my uncle, whose flight was scheduled the next morning, since he was the only person who could possibly drive me to the hospital. Uncle Jun's house was just five houses away from ours, so it wasn't long til' I found myself on the way to Villaflor Hospital with my Uncle, Uncle's father, grandfather and cousin, Leslie.

Before I knew it, I was already lying there at the Emergency Room, with faces I wasn't familiar with, asking me questions and questions and more questions. Then I heard them say I had to be admitted to the hospital for observation. I was frustrated, I was thinking things, but I couldn't do anything.

About 10:25PM, a nurse was working the dextrose on my right hand. The needle was painful. I remember my abdomen being checked twice by two different doctors. They both told me the possible diagnoses of my abdominal pain. There were many. But one stood out… appendicitis. But I wasn't sure. I knew, since the pain hadn't resided yet on the right side of my abdomen. I was under observation.

I was informed that I was scheduled for ultrasound the next morning at 9am, so I was transferred to a room. The room was 306A, a ward. I didn't like it there. I have around me patients of old age, patients who seemed to have accomplished many in life but found themselves there, weak, after many years of living, struggling for wellness. I thought, I wasn't one of them, I haven't accomplished much yet, I am well.

Few minutes had passed and the pain still hadn't subsided yet despite the fact that I was already in a hospital. I felt like I wasn't getting any better. Nurses came, checking my BP, my temperature, getting samples, bla bla, and went. I wanted the pain to just go right away and go home. Time continued to pass and a few while Jeff came to visit me; but he didn't stay long, after he bid his goodbye, several moments later, Dr. Villaflor, together with the nurses, came to check me. He checked my abdomen, asked me questions, told me that I might be suffering from appendicitis, and then he talked to my mom on phone. I started feeling a bit scared just thinking of the possible procedure I might go through once appendicitis had been confirmed.

It was almost two hours since I got in that room. Leslie was beside me updating every person that needed to be updated, and grandfather was outside. Mom and Dad kept calling me-- I remember Dad's calm voice and Mom's "nagtataray" voice, both were keeping me up. As time ticked, I still couldn't find the comfort of staying there. Next thing I knew I was already being transferred to a private room at the fourth floor, room 423. The room wasn't big, but it was way better, way comfortable, and way cooler. But still, the pain was getting worse than I thought. A few minutes later, I was fetched by two nurses and was wheeled back to the ground floor for my ultrasound, which was supposed to be done the next morning. Apparently, the doctors decided to have my ultrasound right away to check my appendix.

"… may internal bleeding ka.. andaming dugo…" the doctor, who was doing my ultrasound, said.
Apparently, there were lots of blood located at unusual parts of my body that she couldn't even see my appendix. Internal bleeding... Ruptured Corpus Lutuem… I was hearing these words. I knew something was seriously wrong. After some time, Dr. Raymond Casipit came. [Dr. Casipit is Ynah's older brother]. I was referred to Dr. Casipit by mom upon suspecting appendicitis, but since it was turning out that appendicitis was negative, certain actions I wasn't really aware of were made. I was wheeled back by a friendly guy to my room after.

I was back in my room. The pain was stabbing. I thought, I couldn't stand it any longer. I remembered the bleeding that was mentioned by the doctor.. I realized that this was beginning to get serious. I found myself in the bathroom assisted by Leslie the second time I had to give urine for urinalysis. I found it hard to pee. It was taking me and Leslie time inside the bathroom while a nurse and Dr. Casipit were outside, waiting. Suddenly, I began to feel lightheaded, my vision already becoming blurry.. I knew something wasn't right, "Les, nahihilo ako.. di ko na kaya.." I told my cousin,. I opened the bathroom door and before I could faint and turn my world pitch black, Dr. Casipit came to me and helped me back to the hospital bed. He said I must try to sleep.

And then I dozed off…

I woke up with nurses positioning the bedpan on the bed. [Bedpan is used to contain the pee from a patient who can't afford to stand up and go to the bathroom]. So I knew, I was already bed-ridden. With the bedpan now properly positioned, I still couldn't pass urine. It felt like I lost control over my bladder. The nurses said they would insert a catheter inside me if I really couldn't do so it'll be easy to empty my bladder without me manipulating. When they got back with the catheter, the pain was already reaching my chest and I found it hard to breathe. The installation of the catheter was painful as well and it was uncomfortable. What was worse was that the pain was so intense that it already reached my shoulders.

Every move I made I felt pain. Every inhale-exhale of the air I breathe I felt pain. My right shoulder felt as if it was being crushed down. My chest felt heavy. I felt like I was dying..

What's wrong with me?..., I thought. Am I gonna die?

I felt dozing off..

I know I wasn't asleep, but I couldn't see clearly. I didn't know what was happening around me, but I could hear voices. I could hear conversations I didn't quite understand. Then I heard a woman's voice call my grandfather. "Kausapin daw po kayo ng doctor sa labas.." she said.

I so knew I was in serious trouble…

I was lying there in the hospital bed, with all the pain I rated more than ten. I was so scared of what could possibly happen. I wanted to know what was happening, but I was growing weaker and weaker as time continued to pass by.

I heard the door opened, and strange voices flew everywhere. Then I heard a familiar voice, it was my grandfather's voice… "ooperahan ka daw…". He said. I was taken aback.

Then I dozed off again…

I remember waking up being transferred to a stretcher in my room. When they started wheeling me outside my room, I saw Leslie's worried face. I looked at her for a few seconds then I was wheeled down to the operating room. I remember the same friendly guy who manned my wheel chair when I was wheeled down to the Ultrasound, he was the same guy again, telling me to just relax while he transported me to the OR.

I saw the room sign, OPERATING/DELIVERY ROOM, it said. I still couldn't believe I would be going through this. I never thought this would happen to me. Inside the room, there were many people dressed in their full medical gowns that I couldn't even see their faces. They were all moving like bees and as if they were rushing for something. I saw them preparing the bed, the things needed for the operation, this and that. I saw a wall clock on my left; it read 3:00 am. Before I knew it, I was already transferred to the working bed. They took my upper limbs, did what has to be done while I felt pain here and there. The last thing I could remember was the sight of this something that they put on my mouth and the room's old white ceiling.

After the operation, I was transferred to the ICU, where I remember trembling so hard it felt like I was in a room below zero degrees.

When I finally woke up and I found myself back in my room, room423. I felt weird; it was like waking up from a very bad dream. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I felt pain all over instead. Then I looked around the room and see familiar faces. I thought, how did they get here? .. Then I remembered what happened last night.

Then there began my second ordeal, the post-operation ordeal.

The first few days were tough. I was completely helpless. The pain from the operation was unbearable. I couldn't eat. I felt like hell. The pain was the worst pain you can ever feel physically. I abhorred being on that state, it was something I never imagined.

Everyday, I would have different visitors. Visitors, that wished me well, gave me encouragements, and smiles. I was feeling positive vibes embracing me the moment I realized how lucky I am to have all these people in my life.

As I tried to regain my strength during the duration of my stay there, I WAS TOLD OF THE REAL STORY:

***

>> That night, back at home, my grandfather refused to believe at first that I was really in pain since I could manage to do some joking then, hence the rebuff to bring me to the hospital. It was only when I was already at my grandparent’s room with my grandmother that he began to believe everything since I already looked weakly. Grandmother then asked him to fetch Uncle Jun since he was the only person who could possibly drive me to the hospital. I was able to tell them not to bring me to the hospital anymore so not to bother uncle Jun or anybody else and since I still have loads of things to do. Before I knew it, Uncle Jun, together with Lolo Vicente, his dad, arrived then together with Leslie and Grandfather, we were already on our way to Villaflor Hospital.

After the doctors and nurses checked me up at the Emergency Room, I was transferred to a ward. Mom kept on us by phone. She asked them to transfer me to a private room, instead, and referred me to Dr. Casipit instead of Dr. Villaflor or whoever was my attending doctor at that time.

I was transferred to room 423, stayed there for almost half an hour then wheeled back down for the ultrasound where they found what was really wrong. Dr. Casipit, upon seeing that I had to be referred to another specialist, called my mom and off they talked about everything.

Back to my room, the second time I was trying to pass urine for a urine sample, I felt like fainting. I told Leslie I wasn't feeling good anymore. I almost fell on the floor when I opened the bathroom door, but Dr. Casipit, who happened to be there inside my room with a nurse, came to help me get back on my feet. He told me to lie down, and sleep. They needed a urine sample so nurses were sent to get me a urine sample. They used bedpan since I could no longer manage to stand up and go to the bathroom. Since I still found it difficult to pass urine, they instilled a catheter connected to my bladder so passing of urine would be easy.

Moments later, grandfather was called by the nurse since the doctor had to speak to him. The doctor, Dra. Castro, who happens to be on phone told him that I had to get operated right away. Grandfather didn't consent the operation at first since he still had to call my grandmother so to inform her. The doctor said he must sign the papers right away since I was already in danger and my case was an Emergency Case. SHOULD THE OPERATION BE DELAYED FOR ANOTHER HOUR OR TWO, I'D BE DEAD.

Grandfather asked Leslie to call home so he could speak to grandmother. Grandmother said that Mom and Dad didn't want to consent the operation right away. They were worried that I might really didn't need an operation. But Grandfather knew better.

Grandfather then, after the phone call went to settle things with the attending nurses, and approved the procedure.

The operation lasted for almost 3 hours. They swore the operation wasn't easy. The procedure was Pelvic Lap., Ovarian Cysectomy. The doctor told me that they were really racing with time that time that they were really doing the procedure fast. SHOULD THE OPERATION BE DELAYED FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR AT LEAST, I'D BE DEAD. During the operation, they asked grandfather to enter the operating room. Grandfather told me later that when he entered the OR, puro dugo daw nakita niya. Anyway, they asked grandfather to buy AB+ blood [which is a rare blood type] @ R1 since I was losing massive amount of blood. They removed one and a half LITERS of blood in me, and because of that, my blood pressure was decreasing fast, which was dangerous. They said they even had to use this what they call plasma expander. After the operation, I was wheeled to the ICU. And later on back in my room.

The second day after the operation, my hemoglobin dropped to 6.8 that I still needed two units/bags of AB+ blood [So that would be a total of 3 units already]. I remember seeing my hands so pale, so white/yellowish that it didn't look alive anymore. Thank God, Red Cross had available.

The next days of my stay in the hospital were horrendous, if I say the most. Everything was P-A-I-N. It was really the worst pain you can ever feel physically. Lying there in my hospital bed felt like frozen hell. I even thought that even if I survived the operation, I might not survive the pain, and all the ordeals I was and would be going through.

When I was discharged at the hospital and finally got to stay home, I still felt helpless. I had my own caregiver who would do simple, easiest things for me. Staying home was worse coz now I have less people to talk to, or to see. All I do IS lie in bed and wait till I get fully recovered. And that still is up til now. Sigh, At least now I can already sit up and play around with the PC.

I still can't do a lot of things. And it sucks, I'm telling you. If truth be told, I feel sicker here at home that I was in the hospital. Sigh.

But I am doing my best to regain my lost energy. In time, the wounds will heal, and the pain will just go away with the rest of hell-ish feelings.

I feel so lonely here. But I know that by the time I'm so so SO well, FUN and Joy will hit me BIGTIME. :)

***

Gratitude

I would like to thank the following people:

>>GOD [for giving me a second chance to live my life. :)]

>>Dra. Evelyn Castro and all the Villaflor nurses who attended me [FOR SAVING MY LIFE]

>>Dr. Raymond Casipit, Dr. J Villaflor, Dra. Lalas, Dra. Castillo, and the other doctors.

>>The Family: Lola Oriang, Lolo Benny, Leslie Ann, Dessiree, Mommy Maira, Daddy Gerald, Auntie Edith, Lola Tita, Lola Aida, Lolo Aurel, Lola Alejandria, Lola Meling, Auntie Sally, Auntie Belen, Uncle Billy, Uncle Tommy, My little cousin Tintin, My cuz Kathleen, Mark Phillip, Auntie Lane, Uncle Jun, Lolo Vicente, Lola Nieves, Uncle Alaw, Tita Elma, Tito Luis, Tito Marvin, Cousins Nikki, Mike, and Josh, Tito Roland, Tito Randy, Tita Sharon, Relatives from the Quitlong, Bautista, and Decano family.

>> Jeffrey [We've got the same bloodtype. LOL :P], Tita Gigi, Rachelle Ynah, Erika, Charmaine Mae, Hedy, Rhealyn and Rachel [TY a lot], Crystal, May Anne, Kathleen Rose, Armely, Charmaine V., Camille, Majie, Lorena, Ariane, Renz, Charisse, all the YUARJI family, the 07-08 senior batch especially the SD family, Sr. Goretti Verga [for all the prayers, and considerations], Sr. [yung sa catechist], Mrs. Sarmiento, Mang Andong for the TP, Mam Veron, Ate Marlyn and Ate Virgie [for assisting my lola in school], Mrs. Valle [even if Grandmother abhorred you. lol], to all my subj teachers,

>>... and to all the people I forgot to mention, who wished me well, prayed for me, gave me encouragement, who never forgot me, ... THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Almost everyone I know in my life knows what I went and going through right now. And I am so thankful I have all of them in my life. Since what happened was a game of chances, I defy myself lucky and blessed. Thank God really for everything.

2008-03-12T00:07:00.000-07:00

HEADLINES!

I have been faithless to my blog, I know. But can you hold me responsible for the myriad papers, exams, and different works from school and outside I had to finish for the past couple of months?! Come on. It's not like I could rip this off or something.Gimme a break.

Okay, so I'll go from things you'd be surprised to know to things you'd be well afraid to know, thankyouverymuch. Headlinesssss.

UNO. For those who haven't heard Mrs. Valle blab about Erika and me "going wild" on stage, well I am confirming that the news was true [Sod Mrs. VALLE! I hated her for blabbing this]. Last December, Eka and I were asked by the Archia band to do the vocals for them for this particular show since Chad, their vocalist, couldn't make it. The band was invited by the officials from the Mayor's office to join the show, which was sponsored by Energy FM. The gig went well. Andaming nanood, which was really surprising because the Itchyworms band were having their gig as well at that time somewhere near our gig loc. Anyway, the whole experience was fun that we were able to socialize, meet and greet who's who, and make loads of new friends and enemies as well. I mean it was hella fun.

DOS! It wasn't like a week or two after the first Archia gig when Erika invited me and the Archia band to do this gig at Sual. Hell, Sual's like a hundred miles away from our town but damn did we all counted in. Who would want to miss such an opportunity?...A gig after the other? WHO ARE YOU KIDDING! Anyway, the whole thing was fun from start to finish. From the ride, to fun kulitan at Eka's house, to kulitan with Eka's kapamilyas and Ate Irish's [Eka's sister] barkadas, to the gig itself, which paid Ms. Erika Joyce P. Balagtas a meek recognition, and to the late ride the next morning going back to DS. I remember all of us looking groggy and feeling dull during our classes, except for Erika, who stayed home the entire day. Hah! I also remember AJ and I falling asleep at the laboratory during Physics class that Mr. Chan had fun making us look stupid, especially AJ! HAHAHA. [No, I won't tell you the story. It's quite embarrassing ;p (Mr. Chan was so kulit)]

TRESSS! Well, last December 14, ow-seven, our little man, named Gerald Shane Jari M. Decano II, has finally arrived to bring immense ecstasy to the entire Decano and Millan clan. And I'm extremely at bliss telling everyone that tis' mah brotha yo', so don't cha mess up wit' him men, coz amma kick yo' ass !!! HAHA.

I finally got to see Jari for the first time when I went to Tarlac, Pangasinan, Tita Shao's hometown. He was so small yet he surprised me with his excited giggles that brought me excitement all the while. My stay there in Tarlac was fun. By lunchtime, Tita Shao and Dad brought me to Isdaan. I thought they were gonna bring me to an Isdaan, with fishnets and fishermen, and all that. Funny. Isdaan turned out to be an awesome, Thai-inspired, floating [literally] eating place. The place was worth every click of the camera I swear. That Tacsiyapo thing where you throw plates, or anything that you wish to "make bato" to this Tacsiyapo wall, IT'S AMAZING. It's a great therapy for those who want to release that emotion.

I enjoyed our all-night long to sawa videoke. AHA.

QUATTRO! All the days and weeks of perspiration, admiration [KUYA BRYAN!], humiliation [sir Barbie], deformation and amalgamation [huh?!], starvation, dehydration, passion, and inspiration for the Foundation day paid off that come the F-DAY, we, seniors of batch 07-08, finished off as Champions in the most poignant, irritating, yet exciting HS Cheerdance Competition. And for additional cheers of victory, the Encord band finished second in place at DS 07 Band Competition [It's good to bring the drummer back in me, y'know] and has gained humble attention from a recording studio manager. NIIIICCEEE!!!

Here's a full vid of our cheerdance:

SINGKO!!! My phone got snatched. :( all the photos and vids I was supposed to print, post and upload online were gone. Huhuhu. AMMA kill that biatch who stole my phone. But just in case you biatch has a golden-rusty heart; you may not return the sim or the phone alright... JUST GIVE ME BACK THAT MEMORY CARD!!!!

Six! Six! Six! JS PROM '08 was prompt yet splendid. I was one of the top 10 finalists for Ms. Senior that night. I really wasn't expecting it. But just being one of them felt like I was given some sweet nobility. And oh, I hated my dress btw. Niyaha. But I loved the make-up.

NUMBER SEVEN: JP et al Productions' event which was the KANTA KABANDAAN '08, Himig at Tinig Handog ng Kabataan, The Battle of the Bands @ Calasiao was a complete and utter success. The complex was filled with lots of people from town here and there, and we weren't really expecting it. The participants were great, and they really rocked their heart out. Whereas I, had a great time too doing the tickets at the entrance [hey, it was FUN] with the others and had fun as well spending some time with the Parayno family during the event.

Sponsors' logo were included in the tarp that was used as the stage backdrop for the event

By the way, have I mentioned to you that Erika, together with the Archia band, joined the said competition? Huh. Oh yes, they did. In fact, they renamed their band PRIMA DONNA for the competition, and man were they awesome! It was Erika's first time to do the vocals alone and to tell you honestly, I wasn't surprised that she gave out the best rockstar in her. I mean she was good. Okay. Want proof? Watch the video below:

Prima Donna Band singing Cassie by Flyleaf

I loved Chichi's hair, I SWEAR!.

So to everyone in JP et al Productions, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Anyway, I just want to show you the ticket layout I designed for the event. Haha. This will serve as a small-time marketing of what I do.

Basically, I do layouts and designs for "just anything that needs some layouting and designing work on it ". So if you wanna try me, or say, if you're interested, e-mail me at cacao626@yahoo.com // I also do blog layouts. Bow.

Numero EIGHT! Eight! 8!

MISS LOVELESS-NO-BOYFRIEND-EVER-AGAIN-KUNO-SINGLE-POR-LAYP is officially and currently ... inlove.

2008-02-19T18:52:00.000-08:00

Adios Amigo

The past year has brought me a few great things - faces admired and trusted, a transformed mentality, crazy songs sang, sudden liberty, significant tears, consequential chuckles, and a devoted heart, and thanks to all the miseries I ran into-- I've been better.

I have to admit, my 2007 was crazy. In fact, I feel like I didn't live my 2007 at all! I've been into things that only bring sudden joy, and lingering disturbance later. There were many times that I wanted to knock my face off and run away from the rest of the world to getaway from all the fears and anxieties which were inescapable anyway since all resided just inside me, but thank God I found my strength and was able to build enough courage to face all the fears, all the consequences, all the potential pains, then get over all those things and learn from my mistakes. 2007 was kind enough to bring me real people to trust, to cry into, and to love.

And what's really great about 2007? It's that I was showered with crazy, stupid yet beautiful surprises.

Who would have thought I'd wear mini shorts and skirt to a review center in Summer of 2007? That I would meet loads of new friends and have the best Summer yet? That I would be in 4-SD well in fact I should have been in 4-SAG? That I would have the best Birthday yet? That I would emcee an event and wear a 500worth pink gown in August '07? Who would have thought Tita Shao and Dad would tie the knot in August of 2007? That I would enroll at Musicians Corner again and build guts to sing on-stage? That I would meet someone (hmmmm) ? That I would go to Tagaytay in October with the SD people and have a memorable yet crazy retreat experience? That I would pass the OGS Aptitude test? That I would have my wrist henna-tattooed in November '07?

... who would have ever thought that I'd be joining a few gigs in the city and out with the Archia Band? That Gerald Shane Jari Millan Decano, II , MY BROTHER, would finally see the world in December of 2007? And that I would spend my New Year seeing new colors of pyrotechnics??? Who would have thought I would ever survive the year ?...

Surely, 2007 was great, but not a blast.

And since 2008's around, I'll work my way to making my 2008 a total blast. NO PROMISES, NO RESOLUTIONS, ...

Coz who needs those anyway?... I dont.

..you'll see. ;)

**********************
ADVERTISEMENT:

JP et al Productions and Musicians Corner Presents:

Kanta Kabandaan '08
Himig at Tinig Handog ng Kabataan
The Battle of the Bands at Calasiao

JOIN NOW!!!

*Poster layout design by Fiona Decano [cacao626@yahoo.com]

2007-12-10T04:21:00.000-08:00

Moody Christmas post. AHA!

Just when I thought time flies so fast, now it's taking time for time to fly. What the hell... I still have two more weeks before I can finally lay aside my 2007 planner, one more week to prepare for next week's exams, a few more days to save enough money for gift shopping, and a few more hours to shed the unnecessary flab on my belly, which I recklessly accumulated during the past few weeks of December [raisin breads are yum, I tell you]. Sod it. I want my well-earned time off NOW.

Last week was the busiest December week I had so far. I was barraged with endless theme papers and homeworks that deserved big-time rushing, meetings here and there, pointless competitions, friendship feuds, and culpable loner days. Basically, I had a major mental, physical, and emotional stress last week, and if it wasn't for that person who brought me under the star-filled night sky at the seaside last Saturday, I'd be dead by now. No shit, someone so sweet really did that for me. Ssshhh...

Anyway, I'm done with my gifts list, and since it's not a very good idea to post it here, I think it would be better if I post my very own Christmas Wish list instead. Sole purpose of posting this is well, I just want to share it. And just in case you're feeling a teeny charitable and bighearted this year... *hint* *hint* ;p

In Random:
1. 2008 Planner; No pocket-sized planners please.
2. 2GB Micro-SD memory card for my phone [I know a place where you can buy this at 1,500php... HAHA]
3. A salon treatment [MEHN!]
4. Shopaholic and Baby book by Sophie Kinsella
5. Original CDs of any of the following artists: The Click Five, Jojo, Paramore, Howie Day, Josh Groban, Ashley Tisdale, Katharine McPhee, Rihanna, ETC.
6. A Christmas job, whatthe.
7. Out-of-town trip
8. BAGs [any color will do]
9. FlipFlops [35-36 / 5-6]
10. Cocktail rings
11. Graphic tees
12. Whole-day Movie marathon
13. Quality ME-time
14. Loads of Peace, Joy, and LOVE =))

Since I still have 2 weeks to go before the break, I might as well do anything to stop feeling sucked up and tamad. May exams pa ko, for crying out loud and it's not helping that I'm not taking academic stuffs seriously just because vacation's nearing. In fact, I must have the oomph to attend remaining schooldays since my allowance is given on a daily basis-- I sure could use that... =)

***

HONESTLY...

Things aren't really smooth these days, but I can say that, somehow I am and I can be happy.

... Because I'm at the point where even if everything seems to be in an honest wreckage, something within me would tell me that I must not let the negative things going on around me impinge on me even if I'm quite a part of it. People may say bad stuff about me, people may pull me down, and I'll be like... do whatever you want, I don't care. I have a life. And life is good.

All I ever care about now are ... well, the positives going on in my life. And so far, I'm doing great,. If Hurt can get through me in just a snap before, now I can silently get through Hurt and pissed him off sadistically without being impure. Ha-di-ha.

And all these I learned from "someone". I'm so grateful that I met that someone, coz if not for that someone, I wouldn't be emotionally at ease, and genuinely happy today. That someone never fails to give me the strength, and inspiration I need to go on with my life. That someone taught me to go on and do things rather than lament not doing it-- coz not doing the things you could have done is the biggest regret you can ever have in your life. It takes a lot of courage and guts, I know, and I got it almost all from that someone.

If I don't seem to care about things I must care about, I'm sorry. I have my mind to blame. And I have my heart to go behind. Things will be always be fine, I know, as long as I have that someone alongside with my most loved people in the world-- God-family-and-friends, to support and love me.

Sigh....

I miss you...

***

ON A LIGHTER NOTE,

15 days to go before Christmas.. and this is the season TO BE JOLLY. RightRightRight?!

FRA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA.... =))

2007-12-02T03:35:00.000-08:00

Buurrr...

Every night, before I go to sleep, I make it a point to prepare for the frosty sunup ahead-- piling up on clothes, sweaters, blankets, surrounding my body with pillows and even with big stuffed toys and turning off any air coolers around, so I wouldn't wake up trembling and be caught red-handed when the cold wind strikes. I don't know but as I do these things, I feel a tiny spasm of thrill and veiled ecstasy inside. It's as if I'm excited about chilly mornings. Chilly... cold... DECEMBER mornings...

Can you believe it?! It's like, it was just yesterday when I was blabbering about academic stresses and how fuckingly amazing that Mr. Lombardini turned out to be the most pitiful jerk ever [woops!] and now look, it's already December and Christmas is just around the corner! Scary that I sound like a whimsical kiddie magazine in here, but what do you expect, the red fairy decided to pay me an early visit.

My friends and some relatives can attest to the fact that I'm a full-time aficionada of the Christmas Season. If there are Christmas elves and reindeers and there's Mr. Snowman and there's Mr. Santa Claus and there's Mrs. Claus, then I'm the... Claus family's pet dog. HAHA. Alright, don't react just yet. I am not debasing myself for that matter. See, dogs are men's best friend, and I'm Santa's pet dog [so I say] therefore, I am Santa's best friend. HAHA. Asa. Which ends up everything to the plain truth that yes, I'm still a huge sucker for Christmas. LABO.

When December 01 hit the calendar, morning that day I was so hyper that at five in the morning I sounded like a loud, annoying talking alarm clock screaming, DECEMBER NA! Sana Simbang Gabi naaaaa!!!! I remember not minding how low the room temperature was at that time, because all I ever cared at that moment was that it's December and no sooner, it'll be Christmas. Say I'm OA. I really am, the ETCH you care? ;p

Come on fudgers, I know you feel the same way, too. I know you feel light-hearted and unexplainably happy right now. I know you're gradually feeling the season's calm, humble, and peaceful atmosphere. You know, every time I walk along downtown and see shops selling huge Christmas lanterns and decos particularly at night, I can't help but stop and do my ''awwwww..."-thing. Even when I'm alone, even when I'm so ngarag, I really stop in front of the store and gaze at the Xmas thingies and be amazed how the lantern lights change from blue to red to yellow, and how those little lights seem to dance simultaneously with its monophonic music. Then there would be the Christmas songs played almost everywhere! In the bus, at coffeehouses, at swanky and cheap restos, at the mall, ANYWHERE! And it all just make you feel how lovely would it then be if everyday is Christmas, right?

I haven't really planned out yet for the whole month of December up til New Year [SHAKS!], but I have loads of things in mind-- things to do, to make, and to accomplish. But I have to worry not cos I have all the time to plan what I really want to get done this year. Since this will be my last Christmas as a High School stude, then definitely I would really make this Christmas extra special. My friends and loved ones are lucky to have me this season, I tell you. HAHA.

I'm so looking forward to parties, children singing Christmas jingles at our gates at night, more Christmas decos and songs, better movies, CHRISTMAS SALES, gift ideas, cards and Christmas wrappers, puto bumbong and bibingkas, Noche Buena, Fireworks, MORE pictures, More smiles, zero tears, and loads of LOOOOOVEEEE.... =)

2007-11-26T05:24:00.000-08:00

A Pack of Sweet MnMs

What better way to recuperate from a droopy blogging syndrome than by drinking a hot chocolate drink done in your much loved personalized mug is ... well doing a sloppy blog update. An almost month-long break is no joke, what do you expect?!

So far, cupcakes, I've been fine. I've been fine because God and Fate have been so good to me. I surpassed the November stress baby! And thank God, USTET wasn't a complete drudge.

In fact, I felt not a single pressure while taking the hoping-to-pass-it test, well except maybe for the testing room's heat, which made me feel damp and icky. Wonder why they have to delay the air-condition installation in the DS' self-proclaimed hottest room--4SD which, unfortunately, is our domicile for 6 months now--, well in fact they could just throw in some hunks in there who can make a big rectangular opening, can set the air conditioner right, and if lucky can be as hot as Braddy so whoever he may be might get an amiable kiss from SD's muse. And if ever I see a Chris-Evans-hunk, I'll take him home. HAHA. Sweet.

ANYWAY, the exam was, not to brag or anything, easy peasy mimsy as dipsy piece of cupcake sprinkled with ground MnMs. Most of the test questions were no longer new to us since they were more or less the same questions we were answering in our review handouts during our review days. I'm not saying there was a leakage, though. Coincidental, I guess?

HAHA. BAKA KASI MAY NAGBABASA NG BLOG KO NA HINDI TAGA-DS, JUMBAGIN PA KO. ;p

Another thing to be joyous about is the result of my academic performance for the second quarter. I wasn't really expecting to be a notch higher on my class ranking since I was so occupied with lots of extra-curricular activities last quarter, in fact, I was expecting myself to be booted out from the top list. However, my grades proved my inkling wrong. My grades in all subjects made my jaw dropped down six feet under, I mean, higher grades in all subjects? UNBELIEVABLE. Uhm, inspired?

Miss Man-hater finally found The Inspiration? Well...

And oi, got the results of our NCAE already, and yes baby, I passed! I got 99!!! HAHA. I'm gonna go to college baby!!!!! So the only thing to cross fingers for now are my college EE results..

Anyway...

You know what is that one thing [well, one of the THINGS actually] that's making my life extraordinarily happier right now? That simply is that I get to spend time with loads of friends and new people, without having to question anything. You simply hang out spontaneously and have fun. I'm also embracing the fact that I'm over my metamorphosis period, coz I swear, I did become an instant social butterfly when I met... I mean, when I learned how to overcome all the negativities I once had in life, and fell in love with interacting with different people.

I've learned how to avoid judging people at once. Like that guy who did my Guitar Henna last last week, he looked pretty creepy and weird really at first-- he's got all these weird piercing all over his face, and weird tattoos on his body. I know some of my friends felt off when they first saw him, to the point where some of them chose to abscond from the scene. I admit, at first I thought he was bastos, but when I let him do my henna, I almost choked. He was nice, he wasn't the guy I thought he was. In fact, he was so gentle you could just put your trust to him. :P

And oh yes yes yes, nagpa-henna ako. And hindi lang siya basta basta trip lang pero.

Since tattoos aren't really allowed in both sides of the family, I can only do plain any-pen-to-skin drawing, to tig-pipiso tattoos where you just rub the other side of the paper with a coin or with a little water to transfer the tattoo, up til' henna tattoos only. In short, no permanent inks allowed. My family is conservative, thanks. Anyhoo, having henna-tattooed for the first time felt great, especially because the figure I asked the guy to do really means a lot to me.

I think the reason's pretty obvious naman na diba? Guitar-- sure, MUSIC. Blah blah. Rocker. Blah blah. But more than the apparent reasons, looking behind the picture, I see it as a stepping stone to steering away from all the fears and doubts. The moment I had it, I knew something's gonna change. Something's gonna grow. And something's gonna happen.

I'm not sure what is that something, though. I'm just sure it's gonna take place in due course. And I'm happy-- whatever it might be.

Obviously, ladies and gentlemen, I do watch Miami Ink on Travel and Living Channel. HAHAHA.

So there. Lots of happenings. Lots of lessons. Lots of comprehensions. All for almost a month of blog break. And what better way to end this than just putting a sluggish period is by giving you loads of humphaloompha love, love, love.

2007-11-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

P.K.A.I.K.

Have you ever been in a situation where you want something so bad, which you thought in the beginning was far from possible to get, then all of a sudden it's coming to you... you want to just seize it because you know it's something that would make you happy but you realized that the whole lot might be insanely wrong. Would you still go for it, take all the risks, and face the consequences? Or steer away from it, let fear get to you, and face no consequences?

As I'm telling everyone since last night.. I'm so confused. I'm so confused with certain things I'm not ready to spill to the public yet. Or if I would ever spill it to the public. Nahihiya akong magsalita, because I fear what people would have to say about it, would they judge me? Would they see me as a frantic stupid girl who doesn’t use her big lousy head?

I asked for certain people's advices, and they were all right. Like my "big sissy" said, "everything happens for a reason.. and it's all up to you to find that out"... I mean, yeah sure, everything happens for a reason indeed and whatever the reason behind what I'm going through these days, I hope it all ends up well. I know myself for being strong naman but what's happening? You know what is holding me back? It's fear. I have loads of things being feared about... and it's taking me so many attempts to build up my strength and kill all the fears I have.

I want to try go for it and face whatever consequences that come with it but I'm not sure if I'm ready. It's too risky, I tell you. And I really don't know if I could handle it or not.

It's true. I'm now ending up eating my own words. I was basically telling everyone certain things that's obviously convincing almost everyone.. then now, I'm going through what was what I was against before.

Ewan. I feel weak when it comes to this-that-must-not-be-named-yet. Nakakainis. Let's just pray na kung anu man maisipan kung gawin in the end, like my cousin Kath told me, I hope not to end up having regrets...

*******

For someone:

Hey you beautiful asshole who keeps on annoying me, who keeps on making fun of me, and you jerky who keeps me laughing every time we're together, THANK YOU. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for teaching me things in life.

You know what's funny? You're the only person in the world who has ever hit me right at my weakest point. You hit me right then and there and then you did something to transform my weakness into a potentiality. Even I, myself, couldn't ever do what you did. And you know what, all the things that you told me last night has kept me uplifted. Why? Because you're the only person who sees me the way people don't. Even my parents or closest friends or family wouldn't have the guts to tell me what you told me.

I'm happy that in a short span of time, you've shown me genuine willingness to share what your life's like. I know I tend to annoy you almost all the time too, but hey, I love annoying you. Because you are fun, and you listen to me. You laugh at my corniest jokes and you're so sincere... again, NUTHEAD, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Thank you for the company. I really want to know you more pa... I'll always be around.

****

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SINO YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN?!!!!

****
PAHIRAM AKO CARD READER PLEASE? 4-SD, 4 SAG! uy.

2007-10-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

Ang Sagots

"Bakit hanggang ngayon hindi ka pa ulit nagkakaboyfriend?"

"err. Oo nga noh?"

I'm young. Why the hurry? I know. I had my heart broken once, no.. twice, err.. that jerk... okay, thrice! So maybe I got my heart hammered and severed several times, but no baby, that doesn't account for why I don't want to have "someone" right now.

It's true. There's nothing better than being a single life-pooping chocoholic monger. I mean, you've got more freedom now minus all the worries. No last minute calls for sorry-baby-I'm-gonna-be-late or where-the-hell-are-you-baby-I'm-starving. No fussing over that seducing tunic dress swanked by that no-face dummy at Top Shop's window with some bothersome SALE! banners screaming right at your face,--yes you ditch it for that oh-so-precious gift for your anniversary. And God, no more latenight calls all the while missing your much-awaited CSI episode. Obviously, without someone to bother you with your life's luho... is simply A GIFT. Haha.

On a more serious note, I think another reason why I don't want to have a boyfriend right now is that I have other priorities. For me, it ain't the same as having no time for such since I can carve up time for absolutely anything. [Okay, so if you're planning to date me after reading that, right now my answer is a fat NO! ] Priorities I tell you such as studies [NUMBER ONE of course], dreams [yeah, I still dream... ], family, friends, and real life education.

When I had my last relationship, which was the most serious relationship I had [thus far], I almost lost my most trusted friends. And I almost lost my family's trust. When that happened, it took me time before I realized that it was my fault being so hooked with my now ex-guy that I no longer had time with my friends and that the words I was saying to him had upset my family especially my dad. I didn't know what slapped me that I realized I must dump him and try win my friends and my family's trust back. Fortunately, when I got him out of my life, life got better.

The relationship I had with him was the sweetest and craziest I had, so far. And because of all the things I'd never thought I'd experience when we were still together, I realized loads of things. I realized that my life doesn't have to revolve around some jerk who will break my heart soon. I realized that I could live without him. I realized that guys can do just anything-- he can tame your heart, and he can aggravate it all at once. And I realized that being not with him is like discovering the world outside you. That out of his arms, you see the real world-- not just romance, dreams, and lies.

Some may disagree with me, I understand. But this is what I feel. I feel I don't need a lover to make me happy, and make me feel loved. Coz hey, the love I'm getting from my family and friends [and God, of course] is immeasurable. It's sweet. It's humble. It's real. It cannot be compared to the vague love a lover may give you. And you know what's the best thing about not having someone? You can be yourself. And you're three hundred percent sure you are accepted for who you are-- even if you snore so loud at night, even if you eat with catsup and Worcestershire sauce at the same, and yes, even if how intractable and selfish you are.

And you know what's one thing I want? That is to learn live life harmoniously amidst the shits this world can offer. I don't mean it the Sr.-Althea-Values-class way, I mean it the sweet stubborn Meggie way. While many girls out there fuss over being "single and alone" that some become extremely desperate that they do unimaginable things I detest enumerating, I beg to differ. My way is a solid God-family-friends-ONLY life. Take it from me. It's great. :)

Windixies...

I am single and... ~~avai~~ happily living life. :)

****

News!!!

>> The over-all champions in the DS Sports Fest 07, which unfortunately I missed, were the Seniors batch 0708-- KAMI YUN! Woo hoo! I am so proud of you, guys! Even if I wasn't able to witness how great you fudgers were, I know you guys ought to have it.

>> Dominican School won as champions, of course, in the UP Subol Padunungan Competition. AMEN TO ALL THE PARTICIPANTS! [PS: OMG I'm so proud of you KATLEN! You're such a great BITCH! :P]

>> I bagged quite a few gold in the School's Press Conference [News writing, Feature Writing, Copy reading]. I was also held as the Best Newscaster in the radio broadcasting competition. OMFG, and these all means that I'm gonna go to the Division level, baby! See you bitch! =P

>> Sir Jeff told us something... hmmm.. and it's really really really interesting. Of course, it's for me to get excited about and for you to know...

Bad News:

I'll be posting something about our retreat in TAGAYTAY as soon as I find the card reader. :P Since it's taking me like forever finding the stupid reader, well........

2007-10-25T00:05:00.001-07:00

I'm confused. What?! am I? Uh yes. Yes?

I'm currently in a state of after-grad crisis. Right now, I still don't know what course to get in college, what university I'd choose should I passed both UP and UST, and where am I supposed to reside after graduation.

I know. I know. Some plans were already made. Isn't it that I'm supposed to take up Nursing as preparatory for Medicine, ditch the condominium Mom's offering me, rent a unit somewhere near that university and have Erika as my roommate, take over my life as a college student, and be a jobless sovereign kolehiyala? But for one nanosecond, am I really sure about these? Definitely not. For once, I can't imagine myself donning an all-white uniform from head to toe and washing down some old man's full-of-stinking-shit ass. I can't imagine myself walking down along some hospital's drug-induced corridor with clipboard on one arm or pushing some broncho victim's wheelchair. I don't have anything against nurses, just that... NURSING IS SO NOT ME.

But nursing is the only option I got. There are many pre-med courses out there but almost all of them aren't as generously-paying as in Nursing. At least in Nursing daw, you'll have a ninety-five over one hundred chance of getting a humble job abroad. Anyhoo.... Pre-Med... I heard that. So that means I'm taking up Medicine anytime soon after taking up my pre-Med course. So Meggie, you wanna be a doctor? Again, winsey, I don't know.

Taking up Nursing and Medicine is altogether a major indecision. I'm planning to take up Nursing because I'm planning to take up Medicine. But the way I'm frustrated over Nursing, is only 30 percent LESS frustrated I am in Medicine. Take this: Just because my mom's a doctor people expect me to follow my mother's footsteps and be a doctor as well. Hell, I want to be a professional but I don't know if Medicine's the right one for me. Sure, I am considering Medicine, in fact I'm planting that in my mind.. medicine.. medicine.. oh medicine..OMG-- detached, replant, detached the second time, replant.. whatever.. Problem, amigos, is that I can't seem to find my heart in giving prescriptions to some intoxicated-looking god-so-ill woman or slicing up someone's tummy to take that screwdriver he accidentally swallowed last year out [okay, that's gross]. I don't know. I'm scared that when I'm already there I'd realize I'm not happy, that I regret being there, and of course, who wants regrets? Definitely not me.

Last Monday, I got to tag along with Dad at Kennedy Global in Makati. I stayed there in their office since the big bosses were not around. Dad was supposed to be with them that week but since I'd be arriving, he chose to spend the week with me na lang. haha. Anyway, I stayed there for like five hours and dang did I feel so ever comfy. I mean, I enjoyed being in "an office". It's like, I belong to the corporate world.

I remember the assessment test we took in Newton last summer. The results I got were pretty amazing. It says there that I am an ENTJ [I forgot what this means] and that the best career for me is being a Chief Executive Officer. Other than being a CEO, there includes other careers, which entails professionalism like being a lawyer, doctor, etc. The first time I got the results I remember being so flabbergasted for a second or two and then laugh nonstop at it. I was like, "Come on, these results are crazy!". I was in-denial of the fact that what's written on that paper was really what they have assessed in me.

From that moment on, all I could answer when asked what course I'm gonna take in college, I'd answer "NURSING!" followed by a flat.. "...err... I'm not sure... Oh-mi-God, I DON'T KNOOOW!!!". I find this irritating because it puts too much pressure on my already pressured and constipated brain. I'm tired of brain-farting all my anxieties that I just want to decide what I really want right now.

Anyway, that same Monday-- later in the night while eating at Chilli's in Greenbelt, my cousin Kathleen exclaimed she's confused right now. She's a graduating Nursing student, and like what I'm predicting I might feel four years from now, she ain't happy. If asked what course she would have taken, she answered business admin. Yeah, like what I have in mind.

Point is, I don't want to pursue something I know I won't enjoy. Isn't it that they say that you can only find real happiness and success if you enjoy what you're doing? What if I wouldn't find that real joy? What would become of me? Oh God. I don't know.

I don't want to be an ambivalent little woman anymore. I want to be someone who has certain plans for the future. No, not long-term plans or goals. Just plans to what would be my next step is. And after my high school graduation this March. What's next?

I'm confused. Really confused.

*****

Ironic

Dad showed me this view from the same building:

I found this extremely interesting. Look, along with the fast rising high-rise buildings in Manila, the squatters seem to increase and increase. So when you go to Makati area, don't ever think that our country is fluorishing just because of the splendid sight of buildings everywhere. Do not be fooled.

I want to hear your opinions.

*******

Anyway borate,

Someone sent me this story last night:

A couple was on a motorcycle. The girl noticed that the motorcycle was on a high speed

Girl: Baby, slow down. I'm scared!

The boy gave him a knowing smile and said,

Boy: I'll slow down if you tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you!

Boy: Okay, then give me a big bear hug

The girl gave him a big hug from behind.

The boy smiled.

Boy: One last favor, can you wear my helmet for me? It's irritating.

The girl took off his helmet and wore it.

NEWS NEXT DAY: A motorcycle hit a building last night. Only one survived. The motorcycle was found with break problems.

TRUTH: in the middle of the road, the boy realized that the break was not working. He wanted to hear his girl tell him she love him, and feel her hug for one last time. He wanted her to be saved that's why he gave her his helmet. Even if it meant risking his own life.

Then I sent the story to Dad and these were his replies [I didn't expect him to react so much]:

Dad: tanga pala ung bf eh! D ihinto niya, mag engine break siya, pareho sana clang buhay and he cud have shown and proven his luv more when both of them were alive! [hehe]

Megs: HAHA. Woo. Wag ka highblood. Hehe

Dad: Ang tanga talaga ng bf! Cant imagine how dumb he is! Shet!

Morning, the next day, at Yahoo! Messenger:

Gerald decano: mooorning!
Megs `: good!
gerald decano: until now i still cant imagine how the bf decided just to die like that!
gerald decano: the dumbest love story i ever heard!
Megs `: masyado ka namang na-carried away dun!
Megs `: hahaha!
Megs `: You talaga, you're so KJ!
gerald decano: ongae
gerald decano: tanga kc masyado
Megs `: That's the sweetest/most touching love story I've ever heard!
gerald decano: ngee
Megs `: Ghash, can't you see? The guy risked his own life for his girl..
gerald decano: he didnt even bother to find a way for both of them to live
gerald decano: he can break naman eh using the engine
gerald decano: its a DEFEATIST attitude
Megs `: well, maybe he doesn’t know how to "engine break" . HAHA.
gerald decano: kaya nga tanga eh
gerald decano: in the 1st place he shud hav checked 1st the bike if its safe
Megs `: what's tanga with that? inosente! haha.
Megs `: ghad! tama bang gawan ng buong story. hahaha
gerald decano: tanga cos he let himself to die
Megs `: GET OVER IT AND JUST APPRECIATE THE STORY, OKAY?!
gerald decano: i really cant accept it
Megs `: he didn't let himself die! uhmm. there was only one helmet kasi!
gerald decano: motor lang un, they're not speeding like 100kph naman
Megs `: how can you be so sure they were not?
gerald decano: he can anytime slow down and find a safe spot
Megs `: haha
Megs `: question: can u slow down a vehicle if the break isn't working?
gerald decano: OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\
gerald decano: its only the break that aint working
Megs `: SORRY. MY bad. hahaha./ pag natuto akong mag-drive, that's the time I'll agree with you, technically.

Yes, toodles, IT'S GENETIC.

Hahaha.

2007-10-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

=P

****

SD off to Tagaytay tomorrow!!! Pray for our safety okays?

Tita Shao, and Dad, SEE YAH GUYS SOON! :)

2007-10-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Tish

First of all, tell me if I'm going to give it all up.

I'm sick and tired of waiting. I'm sick of fooling myself there is someone waiting for me. Damn it. How could I've been such a fool. How could I let this happen to me? I don't deserve this. I should have used my head... I DON'T DESERVE YOU.

And now I'm happy that I'm learning to HATE you.

***

I've been SIMPSONIZED!

I got the URL from Lui. I found it amusing PRAMIS! try mo rin! here's the link: http://www.simpsonizeme.com.. ENJOY CUPPIES!

HAHA. Hindi ko kamukha. :P

****

and I made a layout for big sis LUI!!!! :)

Hope you like it, big sis! :P

*******

MALAPIT NA RETREAT! MALAPIT NA RETREAT! MALAPIT NA RETREAT!

2007-10-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

Lunes... nang tayo'y magka-BALUGAAN

Monday mornings are supposed to be the worst days of school times; but not to me. I always jumpstart the day with extreme energy, see. Like I always have five thousand watts of electricity for Monday breakfasts and my whole body's a loud and talkative vending machine [uh, you get the idea?]. And believe me when I say I am contagious. Tremendously contagious that almost every nudgehead I run into in school would be as hyper as I do-- even bubblier and livelier. Hah. So for this particular Monday, since Mondays are always in some array of cracks, the school shit started with Eka chortling nonstop all the while hearing me Rufa-Mae-ing our alma mater song during the flag ceremony. Not mentioning the killer stares of the Junior-boys at us. :P HIHIHI. Gaga, technique nga yun sa pagkanta eh. :P

In the afternoon, they pulled us out of our afternoon classes to rehearse the dances intended for the Living Rosary. In our group [we were divided into five groups; one group, one mystery], I was teamed up with this particular guy-- no, I was the one who chose him actually. They were only two of them left to choose from and I chose him over the other guy [an outright jerk, I tell you] who's never going to be my "partner"-- NO WAY! He [my partner] and I are pretty close anyway and besides, he was the best guy there that I was most comfortable with. But being his partner has gotten me infuriated for days. I've no qualms in his dancing whatsoever, even if he's not into dancing and cannot dance that well, kering-keri naman niya ko sa lifting kahit medyo wala siya sa timing [:P]. I even admire his patience for putting through my OMG-hindi-ko-yun-kaya schemes. Yes, the problem is neither in me nor in him. It's in his girlfriend.

I heard she's making away daw to him because he's "too close" daw to me. Pfft! For SkyFlakes sake, what in the world bug-ridden her brain to think that his guy's being "too close" to me?! Geez, does she even know what an interpretative dance is? The dance song is basically a wedding song-- so you expect engaging dancing with a partner of the opposite sex. I'm sorry dear, but your thinking is a tad immature. You can have the guy for yourself. He's all yours. All I'm asking is: let him dance and do his assigned job. If you still don't get my point, EH DI IKAW NA SUMAYAW! :P

Lifting baby... *grins*

I don't quite get something here, anyway. She already told most people that she's gonna inch herself away from him na especially that time when they had the biggest and most gruesome fight last month tapos ngayon may ganyan?! Tsk. Scenario reccurence.

But anyway, bahala na sila diyan. I've got a life to live. And my life does not embrace people contemptible of my time.

Moving on...

The practice ended at 4pm. Eka and I were supposed to stay at the canteen, eat, rest, and wait til 5pm [dismissal time]. Besides, we were feeling awfully dog-tired to still attend our remaining class which was EngLit-- should be the most tedious class in school hadn't our teacher changed from Mrs. Sleepyhead to Mrs. BETTER Sleepyhead [she's still a sleepyhead, HAHAHA]. But Nico came and told us Mrs. SleepyHead was looking for us-- apparently some dork told her our practice was over and so she asked the dancers to attend her class [yah, even how exhausted we were]. The plan was smudged, of course [bye ice cream!].-- all because of a hardnosed and inconsiderate English teacher. We attended her class and stayed there until 5pm consequently.

Since Eka and I didn't want to go home early come dismissal time, we decided to go along with AJ at Café Joe to meet Anella, his ex-girlfriend. We thought it might be a little awkward-- AJ being seen by Anella with two girls alongside him. Arriving there, AJ introduced us to Anella, who looks older than her real age but she's really cute, and to her two companies, and then Eka and I went downstairs [Café Joe's a two-storey coffee shop] to try cafe Joe's foods. You know we just can't defy foods! ... yadayadayada...

Then we went back upstairs to check how the two were doing.. and geez, AJ was in full grin all the time talking to Anella! When asked if he still has feelings for Anella, which was a stupid question by the way, he was wordless-- but you can see the sparkle in his eyes. Apparently, hindi sila nagkabalikan. Let's not give up our hopes, though. Not. Just. Yet.

Anella gave AJ another chance [accdg. to AJ] . So it's going to be like "starting all over again". That night, I texted Anella and asked if may pag-asa ba talaga ulit si AJ sa kaniya, which I realized later on was another stupid question. She replied, yes. Yeah right, OF COURSE!, why did I have to ask, anyway?!

Right now, I don't know if Aj's courting Anella again. I don't know. It's Aj's life. And I'm a terrifically supportive buddy of him. :P Should he win Anella back, then I'd be the happiest girl in town. HAHA. Okay, okay, that was an overstatement.

2007-10-07T00:45:00.000-07:00

Misery Business

Would you believe I'm now enrolled at MC?! Geez, just a week ago, I was going ballistic thinking how I am supposed to tell Dad or Grandma 'bout the whole MC stuff and how much it costs. Thank God, Dad has been supportive.

The only thing to deal with now is telling grandma the reason why I've been going home late lately.

Okay, so yesterday, Eka and I attended the first session with Coach Jeff. By the way, Eka and Anaw will be enrolling at MC as well by next week. Apparently, after what seems to be like forever phone call to Saudi to reach Eka's mom, the whole "feared" revelation came to a success. In fact, Eka's family seems to be more excited than she does! As for Anaw, her persuasion finally made his dad approved of her re-enrollment at MC. For Kat, it's still fifty-fifty. Her dad's considering the whole MC stuff but hasn't decided yet whether to allow Kat join or not. GeeZ!

Later that night, her mom called her back, and the rest is history.

The session was okay. Coach oriented us with the basic things we need to know about voice and singing, he made us do diaphragm exercise, few vocalizations, and he asked us to sing, OF COURSE. It's funny that every time I sing unaccompanied, I can't help but tremble and feel wobbly. I swear! And that makes my whole singing terrible! Kakahiya! Whoah.

But it's okay, I'm in a music school, I'm there to learn. I'm there to commit mistakes. I'm there to be corrected. I'm there to achieve my dreams. WHAAAT?!!

Anyway, exams [intended for us seniors only] will be this coming Wednesday and Thursday and GOD, I haven't prepared yet! I'm busy attending voice lessons and dance practices that my body is always pooped that I can't fish out books and notes on my school bag anymore when I get home. And I hate the admin for making the seniors' examination days on a whole day basis. Whatthe, so how are we supposed to study for next day's exams? Huh?

I have to try stick with it though, besides it's going to be our much-awaited FINAL retreat next next week. Off to Tagaytay, cupcakes. And I'm like a kid ecstatic to go to somewhere I'd definitely have fun. I know, it's a holy retreat, but come on, may free trip to MOA, free tour around Tagaytay, and to the mundane SM [as if that would be a trip no. HAHA]

I have to save up now.

***

God must have been treating me nice lately, that for the past few weeks of October, I managed to pass required projects ahead of time and was able to get a high mark on our Physics IP-- the stuff that kept my mind occupied even during lecture periods in the presscon. Good thing I could shrug it off every time I write contest pieces. Oh, yeah, we had this press conference in school last last week and boy did I serious-ed each contests. I'm really not into winning gold, I just wanted to write, that's all. Should I bag gold and qualify for the division level... then that would be a total bonus.

Besides, another reason why I attended the presscon, besides the passion and being a staffer of our school paper, was to technically FLEE from class. I didn't mind missing important lessons because I didn't intend to take in new lessons at that time-- my mind was constipated, I tell you. Besides, eating and doodling in the presscon is waaay cooler than burning my butt during Economics class.

And here's the investigatory project I was talking about:

We called our product, "AIR DESPARATOR". Basically, it's an air filter-- just more environment-friendly and ... bigger. :P I don't know if this would qualify to the "to-be-investigated"-kind-of project since it's more of an improvised gadget. It didn't really require much investigation as it's more on assembling it. Up to now, I still don't know how we got an A++ grade. Maybe Sir Chan was just really in the mood when we defended our IP.

I still hate winging out in front of the class. HAHA.

Sir Chan told us that if we defended our IP to Sir Greg in the library, [in celeb for Science Week], we would have won the IP competition. SAYANG. Extra credits din yun!

***

>>The student body went to Manaoag, Pangasinan pala last Friday. Tupigs were YUMME! You should try it. :)

>>DS [boys] won over MG last Friday. HAHA. And it's a fresh taste of victory since it took DS long to get back what was lost during their last games.

>>Watched a movie with the Yuarji and boy did I get so uber kilig even if I wasn't able to finish the whole movie since I had to go home early that night.

***

Pray that I do well in my exams okay? and I pray you loads of blessings in return. :)

I shall do Feature Articles now. GHAD, I hate you English teacher for putting me on this. HAHA.

2007-09-29T15:54:00.000-07:00

It knocks only once

I didn't know exactly that I'd get to be part of that meeting-- that meeting that might change everything.

The Yuarji was supposed to meet up yesterday but because of the weather, only Anaw and Eka came. I was supposed to treat the whole Yuarji to the movies, in celebration of something really good. Maybe I'll just treat them some other time. I treated Anaw and Eka to the movies anyway since I was in the mood naman. We watched Skin Walkers. The verdict? Eeew. AAH!. Haha. B+ rating. :P

After the movie, we grabbed something to bite, strolled down the mall, went to Worlds of Fun and went gaga over lousy tickets, ate finger-licking C&C ice creams, and went to Musician's Corner. Why oh why we went there? Well, MC will be conducting a concert event and they asked Anaw to be part of it since Anaw is a student of MC [pati si KAT] [I'm also a stude in MC, only that I wasn't able to reach until that recital thingy since I was so busy I couldn't attend Drum lessons anymore], but since Anaw is with the Encord band, she decided to incorporate the whole Encord band [which includes Eka and yours truly] with the concert.

We had to go MC to register. I was expecting to have paper and pen business only, but when Kuya Third asked us to go with him "upstairs" for "the meeting", that was when things started to get weird and exciting. Since the meeting would start by 4, we stayed on one of the training rooms to wait. There were 2 guitars there so nagkantahan na lang muna kami. When they called us for the meeting, I got all jittery and I didn't know why.

Kuya Jeff, who looked like Kamikazee's vocalist, greeted us upon entering the room. Apparently, we were not the only people who attended the meeting. Nikki, 12, freshman from MG, the shy one, and taking up drum lessons, and Melanie, 13, who already have a number of singing experiences on stage, together with her mom, were there too. We were only five and I was the oldest girl there by the way. WHAAT!?

So here's the thing: Kuya Jeffrey is from Center for Pop [I bet you know where and what the H this CFP is]. He has already produced a number of concerts for young artists and the way he speaks, I know he's really good. Apparently, the concert being carried out isn't just a simple and run of the mill concert. It's like a Sarah Geronimo-- Araneta/CCP-like-concert with big posters and all that.

But for us to be really ready to take part in a concert such as that, we have to undergo certain trainings or lessons to hasten our... talents (?) Hah! He offered voice lessons to all of us. And that was the best part. The whole training package would consist of 18 voice lesson sessions [it's not just a voice lesson but it's a singing and performance lesson], plus a practicum where students would be asked to perform outside-- say, Padi's Point or Gerry's Grill or Quattro, or wherever, for exposure. Our skills in playing instruments [guitar, drums, keyboards, etc.] will not be overlooked by the way. Let's see it like that voice training will serve as bonus to what we learned in playing instrums. So, when we're really ready. Then we'd go work for the concert na.

As Kuya Jeff was saying, school-slash-academics can be quite boring for crying out loud. And the activities offered would be a great way to liven things a bit. We are called "artists" na daw. haha. Quote by quote, It would be our concert. And it would be our show. Who knows if there will be talent scouts there looking for new talents. Ahem. HAHA!

Honestly, I want it so bad. But Anaw and Eka ain't sure. They are thinking twice! I mean, come on, what is to think about with an opportunity given like that? It could be the start of what we've been waiting for. It isn't all about biritan naman eh. It's about our passion, which is music. It's not about fame, it's all about the whole thought of performing. Sigh. I am so crossing my fingers na GO sila. Pati sina Mel and Kat and Kada. I mean, opportunities like this come only once and we better grab it coz I know for sure we would regret it if papakawalan pa namin to.

The downside is, we have to enroll again at MC and that would cost us 5,000php. I know it's pricey. But it's cheaper na nga since the other training packages costs 10,000php and more. I am willing to save my allowance to pay for that freaking 5,000, and asked Mom and Dad if they want to shoulder the other half [or perhaps the quarter.. haha].

Actually, Dad's already planning to enroll me at Center for Pop since last year, but since Kuya Jeff is from CFP naman, eh di GO na. May concert pa. :P

Yay. :P I'm excited. I am so praying na magkakasama kaming Encord in this. and I am so praying na masabi ko nang maayos sa lola ko pati kay mommy and daddy.

***

P.S.

Ma'am Jonna asked me to join this inter-division desktop web site designing competition. I'm not really sure with the competition's name basta it's webpage designing using MS Pub program. Geez, and I said YES right away without thinking about it. Haha. :) But it's all good.

2007-09-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Money Issue

Nobody really believes me when I say I don't have money.

Don't get me wrong. I'm just your average teenage girl who faces money issues from time to time. I ain't rich or poor. But I certainly know very much where I stand.

See, if I'm going to be really honest on this one, I'd say my allowance is never enough to cover all my daily expenditures. I am given my allowance on a daily basis; and for the larger amounts, on monthly basis. I've no qualms, I'm not really asking them to boost my allowance-- I KNOW, money ain't just picked up somewhere and it ain't a kid to work day and night just to have a fair amount of salary or income. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I am so trying my very best to manage my money the very best I can.

Anyway, here's an overview of my DAILY expenditures:

Obviously, school fees take up quarter half of my allowance. It's always like that, sometimes it's worse-- taking up almost the whole and leaving only a portion of it. Believe me when I say school is like an enormous money-eating machine that is forever hungry and never full. It's like the money you are giving always vanishes that's why endless payments and endless due dates exist. Geez, talagang gahaman sa pera! Ask some of my schoolmates and they will agree 100 percent.

Transportation is the second largest consumer of my allowance. See, I don't get it why bus rides have to be so costly even if 20% discount is already imposed on students (and that includes me) and senior citizens. I don't feel the need to be fetched everyday by private vehicles because tendency is you're gonna have a fixed time to when are you supposed to leave and arrive home. And I don't like that. I'm always, "I have to go somewhere pa," so commuting is really an option-- and I like it better. The only prob is that MAHAL TALAGA.

If you notice, I gave a portion of the chart to "sweets". These sweets are your typical sweets-- candies, chocolates, choco snacks, choco wafers, and all other choco thingies. I swear, I can't live a day without choco candies, or anything that is sweet on my pocket. I know I tend to get all itchy all over my body when I overindulge in sweets but I don't care as long as I find satisfaction over these sweets. In fact, I spend more in buying sweets than buying any meals or snacks for the day. Hah!

That significant activities part includes all the activities I do outside the campus that requires you to pay for something. That may include encoding, printing, computer rentals, photocopying, acetates, jamming sessions, coffee breaks, etc. That! At any rate, all the things I included there are noteworthy, even the shopping expenses! ;p ha-di-ha.

To sum up, the chart is pretty heartbreaking. Why? Because only a small portion is left for my savings. Aww. And more often than not, wala pang natitira for my savings.

I've already tried my luck in not spending all of my daily allowance but luck ain't compromising so I always end up with warm ATM bills in hand when I'm out. That ain't good since my bank account is supposed to be a safe place for my savings so to avoid being spent by me. But I'm a bad citizen of my own world!

If only my allowance would put in a little dent to my growing. But it's alright, at least I have something to use for my expenses. Tama na nga reklamo. Oo na!

From now on, I'll try to spend less and save more. Pray that I be very strict to myself. Pray that I could gain control. Pray that I can minimize my need to spend on unworthy things. And pray that I stop using 'AIN'T' right now!!!

Geez!

***
Cute ng Insan niya!

Crystal celebrated her 16th birthday last Wednesday at De Luxe. It was a simple celebration but it's cool! :) Basically, it was another Yuarji reunion. It was another fun moment. :)

And geez I loved the food! Specially that one with lots of veggies? and that sweet-smelling chicken that tasted like sate manok but ain't really a sate manok. :)

Awww.. and her one-year-old cousin is so cute!!! :)

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRYSTAL ANNE FERRER!!!

mush mush. :P

2007-09-22T19:23:00.001-07:00

Amazing

If you would ask me now how life's treating me, I'd say pretty AMAZING.

Even if I have a little acrimony towards a friend because of what he/she did, even if the varsity girls can't seem to win every game, even if the varsity boys are inconsistent of their winnings, even if Nathaniel got himself in trouble, even if I only got 83 on my Economics and 90+ on other subjects, even if DS wasn't able to bring home the bacon from the Inter-school division Sci-YAW contest, even if Chad and Erica landed only as first runner ups, even if some people are so selfish, and so epal, even if Home is near hell, even if Sr. Directress is a total killjoy, IT'S STILL PRETTY AMAZING.

At least, I still got loads of friends to count on.
At least, the varsities are enjoying extreme exposure.
At least, I got in the top list.
At least, they performed well and the props were awesome. :P
At least, they showed that Dominicans do not only have brains but beauty as well.
At least, life is still good no matter how evil this world is.

***

It's Mrs. Sarmz birthday next week-- Tuesday, Sept. 25. Any idea for a surprise?

2007-09-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

Maraming Wika, Matatag na Bansa.

I'm so thankful that Filweek's over. Imagine the stress! Even so, Buwan ng Wika was a success.

And I have good news.

WE WON 1st place IN THE SABAYANG PAG-AWIT COMPETITION!

For the lower years, I know it ain't a shocker-- seniors winning competition after competition, I know, we've been there. But for our batch who always savor chaos, issues, and disasters but not blazing victories for years, winning the contest is already an achievement.

Emceeing the event with Paula was fun. The last time I led an event was, well, during the campaign last June. [I was the campaign manager remember?] Anyway, since we had to speak in a profound Filipino language, taking into account that I'm working on my English lingo, I found the whole talking somewhat difficult. I swear, I snarled the words out of my mouth repeatedly and I was basically winging almost everything courageously to avoid erroneous grammar.

All the same, it was still cool. Especially because I got to wear a dopey pink gown. It wasn't the nicest and most elegant gown in town, but I sure didn't look nasty wearing it. In fact, I even got several people admiring it. Geez!

Anyway, before the main event yesterday, we also had this Salu-Salo thing where everyone was able to pig out for the Filweek. Our batch only had lechon, nilatikan, fruits, pigar-pigar [oh DEAR LORD!], and whut else?! Damn, while the lower years had lots.

We, [Me, Mami Sarmz, Cham, Lhornz, and Eka] weren't able to eat right away since we had to serve everyone first. The whole job was pretty draining and it was only after the whole chowtime that we were able to eat. As luck would have it, Mrs. Sarmiento asked us to eat with her inside the coordinator's room-- [the second most homely room in DS]. Hah.

To sum up, I had the best Buwan ng Wika ever. Since it was the last Buwan ng Wika celebration I'd have in my HS life, I enjoyed every part of it. And I'm extremely euphoric that I enjoyed the whole event!

By the way, the day after the Salu-Salo, about lunchtime, we saw this one:

I was in the library finishing the numbers Ma'am Sarmz asked me to do when Anaw showed up and told me, "Uy mami, nakita mo na ba yun Sun ngayon?!" . I replied, "Ha? Bakit? Anong meron?" then she told me about the whole weird thing surrounding the sun and asked me to see it myself. Since I'm a very curious little girl, I ran with Anaw, together with the others, to see what was up.

When I looked up, I was amazed and mystified all at the same time since it was my first time to see such occurrence. I didn't know what the hell that was. After few weeks, when I almost forgot about it, I just heard that that occurrence isn't weird at all for it was just a result of ... well I can hardly explain it, all I could remember though is that it has something to do with water droplets. Geez, so much for being predictive.

Anyway, since I already told you bout the good news, I might as well tell you bout the bad one.

CONJUNCTIVITIS DS-VICTIMS ARE INCREASING IN NUMBER!

Dude, I'm serious about this one, SAG has already 3 victims, Second Years have more than a few, the third years... I don't know, but maybe there's one or two, and who's gonna be next? [Pls. not me! Not me!]. I heard having such ain't just irritating but disgusting as well. You get all this uncomfortable gritty sensation, plus this yellow discharge from eyes, and you get to have encrusted eyelids upon waking up in the morning which is more than annoying even just thinking about it.

So for those who have sore eyes, pwede ba wag na kayong pumasok! Hehehehehe.

***
prom? hahaha :D

2007-09-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

August 28,2007

Closing time, semisonic

I still can't believe I'm not dreaming. I'm still full of joie de vivre up until now and I think it would take me weeks before I could finally get over this great sentiment.

Awww------keiii.. Let's go reminisce...

I was in the shower that Tuesday night, shaking off the day strains I accumulated from doing my first grading grades (apparently, some teachers were kind enough to allow us to compute our own grades-- I'm still hoping for a little miracle on my Math grade--geez!), from droning test reviews (.. Mrs. Rapacon was nice enough to grant me something for answering the petty trick question she threw in class last week, tsk.), and from bloated Catechism classes, when my phone rang. I asked Dessiree, my cousin, to reach the phone for me. I answered it and on the other line was the ever good-looking Dad.

I could still remember how calm Dad's voice was while telling me that baby Shane, the little man, was a he. I couldn't contain the joy I had that night. I wanted to jump, to cry, and scream to everyone's faces that I'm having a baby BROTHER!!! I began feeling thrilled each day to see the couple, see them as happier as ever and see them in their wedding garments most especially.

There wasn't a day that I didn't imagine how romantic the marriage ceremony would be-- like I was the most keyed up person for the upcoming wedding! I kept on thinking and thinking about it everywhere I go-- even in the middle of a loud crowd full of people cheering for their schools in the opening of the Belen-Fernandez Cup (or was it the PRISAA? Damn I can't remember) which, by the way, happened last Thursday (?). Joy Garcia was Dominican School's muse, and I remember going wild with the DS crowd (we, Seniors, specifically) when it was the varsities' turn to do the walking-- and Joy and Allen made us so kilig that they were just so uber bagay! Amp. =P

The DS girl-varsities got to play first for the Dominican School versus PUI that afternoon. Unfortunately, the game turned out to be a total disaster for the Dominicans as the girls got whitewashed by two factors: tension and frustration. However, for Dominicans' defense, I believe it's an excuse, as it was just the first time DS girl-varsities ever played on such serious tournament and in that air-conditioned dome with loads of people watching over them. And I believe, in addition, that if we seniors/Dominicans were there to cheer, I'm sure there would be a big difference in their performance. Too bad, the time limit they gave us wasn't even enough to watch half of the first quarter.

The seniors' fuss for not being able to watch the whole game because of that stupid test review that time was so severe that we all agreed to do anything just to watch DS' next game-- DS guy-varsities versus [General] FQD. So by the time it was the varsity-boys' turn for the game we pledged that we would watch the game no matter what happens. It was on a Friday afternoon and we even thought we wouldn't catch the game on time since Mrs. Sarmiento and Miss Cecil wouldn't let go of us until we perfect the whole performance [that Handog song] that will be performed this Thursday in the Sabayang Pag-awit competition. Paula and I will emcee the event by the way.

Anyway, seemingly out of pure luck, we arrived at the astrodome on time. In fact, Eka and I were the first ones among the DS seniors to arrive. So much for the whole marathon, baby. Then DS crowd gradually increased until Eka and I had one bonus company... ARJUNE!

We were screaming cheers and profanities all throughout the game that the next day we had to come to school with only just a crumb of what remained in our voices. But it was all worth it since the game ended FAIRLY with DS defeating General-FQD by 18 points! TAMBAK! Whoahhahahaha.

That Solomon 4 guy was a scraggy buff.

Anyway, we also had to come to school last Saturday-- the day before the Wedding Day. MAKE UP CLASSES. Amazingly, I never heard myself complain. I even liked that we had classes on a Saturday. The Batch/PE shirt paired with pants had something big to do with it, hah! Anyway, that was the same day Aunt Sally fetched me in school. I spent the night in Binalonan, and then by morning, we dropped by cousin Kathleen's place to fetch her and off to the City Garden Hotel to meet Tita Shao and Dad… the couple!

The first time we arrived at room ***, seeing Dad was a little... offbeat. It was as if the feeling I was supposed to feel consumed me that the only thing I felt was a certain hidden barrier between Dad and me, separating whatever's linking us as two individuals. And it was uncomforting.

Nevertheless, I had to fight away that definite feeling so I went on looking forward to wearing my pink gown and having my hair and make-up done. I wasn't on my best look, but Tita Shao sure was the prettiest woman among the females present in the wedding.

The wedding took place at Ibarra's Garden, which I must say, is a nice place for conducting significant events. It's near Robinson's Place [the one near UP manila)-- konting liko-liko and you'll see. Haha. Anyway, upon arriving at the wedding venue, I can't help but get awed. I've already attended several weddings and none of which stands out but this one.

The wedding ceremony didn't consume the whole time since the best part of the wedding was the Reception. As the emcee proclaimed "It's chow time!", I can't help but get hooked right away with the foodstuff served on the buffet table. I swear, I loved it all, Tita Shao and Dad sure have great tastes when it comes to food! There were also people [mostly business and Judicial people chu chu and all them] who did some talking, yadayadayadayada, the wedding traditions, endless picture takings, the singing, the slide presentations, and all those stuff that were, in all sense, amusing.

I wouldn't come to detail na ha since I wanted the whole event to be a little private.

You know me, when I'm taken away by something.. I tend to share it with myself only and just bits of it to the public. So let's wrap it this way-- The wedding was a celebration of music and of love indeed-- it was so solemn, so romantic, so spectacular that I couldn't help but cry in utmost happiness for my Dad as I saw how happy he was to be having Tita Sharon Millan as his wife, and I'm hoping she'll be Dad’s partner, friend, and wife for the rest of his life, and that baby Gerald Shane Jari Millan Decano would grow up to be a nice guy someday with a wonderful loving family.

And this is an open letter:

Dad, thank you so much. Thank you that you gave me a chance to be part of your wedding. I am so happy for you. Some things will change, I know. I already accepted the fact that you have your own family now. I've no qualms whatsoever since I want you to be happy. I know I’m not old enough to face the real world alone, but I'm old enough to understand things. You know me, Dad. I'm a smart girl. There are things I know we won't be able to do again together, and to be very honest, I'd miss those so much. I will miss you, Dad. I will miss us two together eating pizza at Yellowcab or Greenwhich. I will miss all the fun. But no really, I want you to focus with your Millan-Decano family. I want you to be a great husband and father to your wife and child and soon-to-be children. Show these wonderful people how great you are, greater than what I've been witnessing since the day I was born. You know I'll always be here for you, and I'll always be your ever-loving daughter. I love you so much, Dad... Megs.

And to my Tita Shao:

Welcome to the Family! Finally! I'm so glad that Dad found you. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're sweet, you're amazing and you're my dad's wife and my brother's mother! When I first met you, I knew it was gonna be you. I'm gonna bombard the country with lots of nuclear bombs if Dad didn't choose you. hehehe. Thank you for accepting me tita-- for accepting me as my father's daughter. Thank you for being a second mom. :) I wish you both loads of blessings and strength as well. I know Dad and you have been through a lot and I know mas marami pa kayong pagdadaanan. But you need not to worry coz you have Dad beside you and me, and Shane, and your family. :) Konting panahon na lang makikilakwatsa na rin ako sainyo. hehehe. Love you tita Shao!!!! Stay pretty :)

And so much for reminiscing! I'm so overwhelmed!

Life is unpredictable, indeed. You'll never what's gonna happen next until you're there. So take it from me, the best day of all is TODAY and no matter what happens, live it to the fullest. Sure there are downs and boos, it's dominant in our lives, but we add a little sugar and spice to it, things will turn out to be just fine. :)

Amp. ;p

"... adding up the total of a love that's true. Multiply life by the power of two.."

More pics here: http://www.friendster.com/shaolinmulan

2007-09-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

Miss me?

I want to blog. I want to update this page. I swear, I've got loads of things to tell you. Lots of news, handful of emotions-- grunts, grudges, and giddiness. If only I could sue those fucktards who stole the telephone lines for the nth time.

For the mean time, pagtiyagaan muna ang school internet and internet cafes. Haaay.

2007-08-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

I'm imagining...

Relentless rains. Sure, I love it. But please don't ruin my plans. Aack.

So much for watching too many movies in a month.

I appreciate GMA's effort to yay students and government officials as she declared the two August Mondays to be both holidays. But seemingly out of pure luck for the most, the two holidays are just plain extensions of their (our) already free weeks.

Classes have been called off several times already this month. I mean, sure it's nice but I'm worried of what actions DS might do to catch up with those missed classes. For God's sake, don't cut our semester break short, and don't dare delay our ~~graduation~~ Summer vacation. And please no Saturday classes-- I hate that.

I already have plans for our weeklong semester break. I know, I know, I still have two months to go but you know me, I'm a living planner. I have hordes of plans. And one of those plans is that I'd go out-of-town and hone my photography skills. If ever I have the skill. Or if not, I'd go spend my time with Dad, Tita Shao, and little man, but since little man still has a long way to go before he could finally see me, I think I'd have chances of visiting my cousin who's now a graduating student of nursing in UP in her place and go spend time with her, or maybe I'd just grab my friends along and we'll go somewhere and try do things we haven't done before... bungee jumping! Whoah. That'd be nice.

Then we'd go to Palawan and scuba dive. Of course, I'd try to catch a lionfish if I see one and keep it as a souvenir. I'd probably keep the fish in a large glass bottle festooned with pictures of Nemo on its exterior. I wouldn't let anyone touch it so my future children would see it. Sounds great isn't it? Then we'll go to different shopping malls/centers and go buy ourselves clothes, shoes, and all that so that we'll have loads of new stuff for next year. Then we'll go to... to... to that place where we could go parachuting or sky diving and make friends with the migratory birds.

Then. Then. Then. Tsk.

Of course, I'm KIDDING. =P Whoah. As if I can go somewhere and do just that. PATHETIC! PATHETIC! PATHETIC!

Kidding aside, I really have plans, (normal and realistic plans :P), for the whole vacation period, and I want it to be as overwhelming as I'm thinking it would be. And if these catching-up would ruin all my plans, I'll sue Sir Greggy, or Mrs, ProtrudingMouth, or that pa-sweetum nun. Geez.

Anyway, Dad's wedding will be in a week, and I swear, I've never seen him so ecstatic! He's been calling me from time to time (may I say every day?) and all he has to stay are stuff concerning the wedding. And he sounds happy all the time! It's so nice to see your dad doing great out there, with a nice job, with a cute daughter (yihee! Ako ba? haha), with an intact family, with his gorgeous fiancée and of course, with *little Shane (little man).

*Well, since Shane is a unisex name, they decided to call him baby Shane for now. (Dad, did I spell it right?) Geez, I love it! Baby Shane... awww. Reminds me of Shane West. Whut?

One of the things I have in mind by the time baby Shane's out in this world is that Dad, Shane, Tita Shao, and I would go somewhere, say someplace in London or New York and just go strolling. I'd love that. :) Even if Tita Shao ain't my natural mother, I would love to spend a munificent time with her together with (our) family.

I won't leave Mom behind of course. Maybe when the time comes that we really can't do anything about her choosing Randy to be her lifetime partner but to accept it, I would probably consider endless shopping somewhere in Chicago-- Gosh, I want an authentic Dennis and George scarf! I remember when Mom went to Chicago a few years ago, I was in my grade school years, I badly wanted to tag along with her but I ain't allowed to go since one, I have to go to school (I was in the honor roll) and two, I didn't have a passport yet. That was a total bummer.

Ha. And I still want my D&G scarf! haha. :P

Anyway, those are just the things I'd love to happen if chances would allow it. I'm not pushing for it. Coz I know life will be different five years from now. I would probably in a Medschool or Business School, and my parents would probably send their kids already at school and all that. Sigh.

But I ain't giving up my hopes. Haha.

See, I told you I'm a living planner. I'm a dreamer. I have lots of things in mind I want to happen. I even want Sir Greggy to be our country's president! Haha. Kidding aside, if the thoughts I'm aiming for are too good to be true, then I would probably just need to wait and keep at it. Coz who knows, might be that simple imagination might come to realism sooner or later, better than how I put it altogether in my mind.

Lo and behold! It's raining outside, the temperature's down, and I've eaten three donuts (including this one I'm eating as I type this) already and, as usual, I fussing over my siopao-like face yet again. La lang. The noise coming from the heavy rain taps is annoying the hell out of me. Goood.

And this is the best time to loosen up. Geez, I want a nice sleep. I have to salvage my energy.

Rest...

2007-08-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

Exam-Vanity-Fun

The week was crazy and I'm glad it's over. I'm not relieved though, no, not yet. Not until I get the results of my exams. Believe me, I screwed almost all the tests and I'm afraid I won't pull a high-five report card this quarter.

So much for telling Dad and grandmother how well I'm doing in school...

Can you believe it? I WAS a nerd. haha.

I did some serious reviewing naman, but minus the full effort. I can't take exam stress, for all you know. It's always been a rule to me that I must always feel relaxed in any written exam I am to take.

However, due to the rule I've imposed on myself for the past four years, the results of my exams so far are somewhat "death defying". And it ain't good for someone like me who wants to do well in school-- academically speaking, especially now that it's my last year in DS and that I am a graduating student.

I just hope God is hearing my prayers right now.

PS:
SD brainiacs, it's all yours. Do your all your bests okay? Show them what you all got. =)

Anyway, since they had to dismiss us by 12pm for three consecutive days, we had the opportunity to do whatever we want in the afternoon. Yes babies, we never went home straight to study for tomorrow's exams, and it's nice... really nice. Imagine having the entire time to some place when most students were having tedious classes (and grave reviewing). Oh, pure luck.

It's nice that I got to spend most of my time with these people (Eka, Lhorns, and Cham)-- Wow, I sound like it was a first-time albeit they are the ones I usually hang out with. Haha. No really, maybe it was just during those times that I came to appreciate truly their company. I mean, we don't need malls, we don't need gorgeous outfits, and we don't need shopping moneys just to spell out F-U-N. It's nice... really nice.

Oi. I think DS would be a better campus if they choose to dismiss us that early on a daily basis. I swear, all students would love to transfer there. Haha. :)

So much for wishing a half-day session in school. As if!

***

Maypaningit

It was just last Thursday during our mini meet up (she asked us to help her do some stuff at the coord. room) when Mrs. Sarmiento (our nanay-nanayan) told us things that made me admire my class section even MORE.

SD (St. Dominic) class has been regarded ever since as the "B" section, the "second" section, or simply the section where the so-so students belong. But that's just how most people see it-- you try the clearer way, you'll see that the second section is not really behind the other class where the five top students are in. I mean, DS ain't a public school for crying out loud.

It's really no big deal but the thing is, some students belonging to what they believe the "B" class, tend to undervalue themselves just because they think their mentors see them as students who can never be as good as those that belong to the other class.

Mas magaling daw ang kabila. Tsk.

Ma'am Sarms proved it all wrong.

True enough, just as what she and Sister Althea said, SD has better performance in terms of academics. Don't react yet. True, SD doesn't have the mega brainy dudes of the Senior batch, but we all have the potential naman daw to excel well in studies (as in WE). When you try to see the exam papers in Values of us seniors, you'll see that most students who got incredibly satisfying scores came from the SD class. Even in Fil. I'm not bragging-- I have evidences and people to bear it out.

According to Ma'am Sarms, SAG's more active on EC Activities. Well, oo nga naman. Every time that merong School Activity kase, nangunguna talaga ang SAG. Hehe. I don't know why the SD dudes are so discreet. Maybe... just maybe... we really have our own world. [read: may sarili kaming mundo.] hek hek.

Basta, mas ginanahan akong mag-aral ngayon. Mag-aral together with my classmates and friends. I'm so happy that I chose to be in this section. And I'm happier because I've got a second mother to keep me motivated, wide awake, and positive.

I love you nanay!!! And oh, thanks for the extra credits! I needed that. :)

***

Sister Althea is my nanay number 3. I love her so much I want to hug her. *hugs*

She believes in me, and I know not a soul but her who can give me full support and genuine spank at one fell swoop. Even if I tend to get all sleepy during her class, I make it a point to take in somehow all the lessons. If truth be told, ever since Sister Althea got to teach us in our Values subject, I've been having a greater sense of understanding regarding Religion, being a Catholic, and most importantly being a creature and child of God. If not for her, I wouldn't learn to compromise, to forgive, to be repentant, and to be who I am today. She's helped me in thousand ways and I'm truly thankful I found not only a mother but also a friend in her. Moreover, I now have deeper sense of recognizing the wrong from what seems to be righteous. Sigh... there's so much prized knowledge Sr. Althea's been imparting to all of us and only she can make us understand the whole point of such things. And I swear, if you're under her, it will show. Gosh, we're so LUCKY.

We're so lucky to have her instead of that SuperMario who did nothing but contradict and criticize her students. That SuperMario deserved the ousting she got from DS-- tsk. As if we needed her. Haha.

Peace. I didn't really mean that. ;P

Btw, that man you see above is Mr. Greggy. ;P

***

Magbalik

They had to call for a 1-3pm review and it was the last day of the 1st quarter exams. Wow, How shitty is that?! But since most of us didn't want any brain cracking session anymore, we decided to go somewhere na lang. We didn't escape. In fact, we bumped along Ma'am Valle on our way out.. haha.

Anyway, before we went out:

Yes, we had a guest in SD. Actually we had three, but Jujang was the most commendable. Ha-ha-ha!

Oh wait...

Do you still remember this Jujang guy? That "chakababe" in my 2006 blogspot? The one with clichéd hirits that Ynah and I found pretty hilarious? Hahahahahahahaha!!! I betcha, he's back! And he's even more... uhm... sagacious!

Aliw na aliw si Jujang sa Hawak-kita camera effect. Haha.

..and it's just now that I was able to put a face on this Jujang guy. Hahaha HI JUSTIN!!!

While waiting for Cham to arrive, Eka and I had a mini photo shoot. PICTURES will be up soon. :)

2007-08-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

Why is this so?

It was a lazy afternoon in the gym when it hit me that I'm frustrated over something I realized now I don't really need. The radio was on at that time and we SDs were busy finishing our fan-arts. The radio was playing over-romantic songs fit for a prom event. I would have groaned and asked somebody to change the station if I was in my normal self but, you bet, instead of doing what I was supposed to do, I sulked. I sulked over imagining myself dancing with someone I'm head-over-heels with because I don't have Mr. Someone in reality.

Sure, I've got suitors waiting in line, but that doesn't cut it. None of them has ever really touched my kilig point. I don't see a potential prom date either. Oh boy, what the hell is wrong with me?! Okay, so maybe I just miss having "someone" since it's been two years since I last engaged in a relationship, but dude, I was just saying I don't need a man right?!

I'm not in love with anyone and that's the real problem. Jeezus, I don't even know why I'm saying being not in love is sort of a problem already! If truth be told, I don't want any commitment and a boyfriend for myself right now. I'm probably frustrated in being in love, but having someone to lock my fingers in? I don't think so.

Gusto ko lang siguro talagang kiligin. He-he. =)

I can't wait till Valentine's Day...

Then GRADUATION. Ha-di-ha!

***
The Rest Day

You know why I love Sundays so much? It's because I get to eat lovely foods I'm derived from during weekdays! Whenever my grandparents arrive from hearing mass, they make it a point to buy me something that I'd surely love. Gosh. I can't miss a Sunday without donuts and smidgets!

For good-mood Sundays, we have cakes (think Red Ribbon and home made cakes, aha!) and nice meals. In fact, there are Sundays that beat a Noche Buena feast when it comes to food. My grandmother cooks really well and I swear, you would love to ask for more when you taste any of her dishes.

This probably explains why I seem to look fat during Mondays. He-he. I can't blame myself, anyway. The foods are too scrumptious to resist!

***

Btw, I want to thank all nudgeheads who appreciated my comeback. I didn't expect you to be all grinning and all that. I'm not doing drama.. I'm just... touched. :) You cupcakes are giving me oomph to continue blabbing bout my unpredictable life, and I'm thankful that you're not getting tired of keeping up with me.

Naksss. =)

Thank you thank you thank you! Smooches. =)

2007-08-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

Ha-ha-ha.

I'm back to blissful-chanting, cupcakes!!! And hello PUBLIC EYE! we meet again! :)

I'm not saying anything, though.

No dweeby speech.

If you want to read my posts last month (July 2007), you're free navigate through my ARCHIVES. :)

Enjoy. :)

2007-08-10T04:46:00.000-07:00

Work-a-holic

Much as I hate to admit it, I kind of, you know, miss school. I'm not saying I miss Dominican School for that matter, no, I want to graduate na nga remember? Maybe I just miss doing stuff in school. I hated the afternoon lectures, quizzes, and all that but now, I miss it so bad.

I wouldn't mind listening to Sir Greggy's afternoon discussion on Economics for two whole hours, I wouldn't mind answering test questions from Ma'am Valle's class, and I wouldn't mind having a havocked mind during our Physics class. Oh please, I just need to do something!

Why the sudden work appetite?

I don't know really, dear. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm not an idle person. So maybe I tend to get lazy on some things, but I swear, as long as the work requires my hand and brain to work simultaneously, you may count me in. :)

Some would detest the thought for sure. But no shit, I really can't help it.

***

Behind the lens

It's a blatant truth that I ain't fit to be one of those girls we see on Vogue and other top magazines. I'm petite for crying out loud, I don't have the perfect facial features, and I certainly got no body to swank (I have this nice shape, they say, but that doesn't cut it).

Nevertheless, I am perfectly eligible mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually to be "the one behind the lens". No bull, I want to be a photographer. It's been a dream of mine ever since. It's not that it's the only thing I ever want to do when I grow up-- I still want to be a top businessperson or a doctor someday -- just that I want to be one of those nudgeheads who people may call as "the one who took it".

I have a thing for photographs. When I was about seven or eight, every time my folks would give me something to read, a book on Eight Wonders of the World for instance with real photos in it, I would stare at the pictures for minutes and finish the book even looking only at those spectacular pictures-- sod the texts and all that.

There was also a time, back when I was cleaning this particular cabinet used as a storage for old pictures a year ago, I found old pictures (of people I didn't recognize) that were in Sepia and black&white tones. I would have put it back if I were some flimsy asshole, but since the old photographs captivated me so much I wanted to know who took it, I held it long and had my eyes gawk at the beauty of those. I remember bringing it to school the next day and have it scanned by a friend for me to see on my computer. Hah!

I don't know where's it really coming from-- these fondness I have for photography and the admiration I'm giving to photographs-- how the photographer got the best shot of it, the effects of light, the way the camera lens was focused to capture the subject, the beauty of colors, and oh, just name it! I don't know anyone in the clan who has something to do with photography. It was never in the blood, as far as I'm concerned.

So if ever I decide to pursue a course in photography (perhaps before or after taking my priority course), I'll be the first in the family. :) And I'm so gonna be proud of it.

***

I have an issue.

I'm a girl. And it's perfectly normal to sulk over my subversive eating habits, right?! Coz right now I still can't get over the fact that I tend to gorge every time classes are called off.

Matakaw talaga ako. Kahit ano pinapatulan ko. So if ever that newly bought Blueberry cheesecake's nowhere to be found in the fridge, BLAME ME. I ate it. Whoah! I'm so weird. What constitutes my being foodo-weird? It's that after I enjoy munching that particular food, I would hate myself for eating it. I would even think of spitting it out-- but of course, I wouldn't spit it out, God's blessing daw! Aha! Thanks lola!

Therefore, I'm left with nothing but a rounder and chubbier face.

***

niiiiceee :) Arigatou AND dou itashimashite, my friend. :)

2007-08-09T06:49:00.000-07:00

Spidey Pig

The Simpsons Movie was aliw. It was more than entertaining we had to laugh at the corniest jokes even. I liked that the movie had this heartrending twist rather than its usual punch-lining scheme. The movie worked for me indeed--I laughed, I cried, I got mad, I awwww-ed, I went ballistic, I got kilig, I panicked, I, I, I,.. I was WOW-ed.

A+ lang pero.

If it wasn't for the dopey sound (DDB pala ha,), I would have given the whole viewing a mega A plus plus. Whoah.

I blame the cinema house.

***

Rain Rain please stay.

The weather is soo good. I missed the rain. I missed the chilly atmosphere. And it's here! Yesss. One of the few things I love about rainy season, besides having to wear those new sweaters I bought last summer, is that I get to have a good time doing things I'd missed doing.

I love that I get to wake up later than usual-- later than breakfast time, and later than lunchtime. I love that I get to sit all day long in front of my computer foolishly doing almost the same thing (internet exploring, games, soundtrippin', yadayadayada) over and over. I love that I get to watch the telly until noon. I love that I get to finish the novels I've been dying to finish reading before and go on to the other books piled up on my desk (yes, I have a desk at home, you dope!). I love that I get to eat and eat and eat all day long without worrying of any time constraints. The only thing I'm worried about though is my rowdy food intake which causes my cheeks to get even flabbier and my face rounder. Whoah.

It's been a donut-filled weeklong vacation man, and I'm seriously gaining loads of weight. I have a sharp jaw line before-- that became an asset of mine thankyouverymuch. When you feel it now, you could barely even feel a bone! It would now feel like a cushion newly stuffed with the softest cottons in the world--, which are apparently just the fats anyway.

Awww... Why do I have to have an unbalanced body anyhow? That one which the only part that gets chubby every time an overeating shit comes in the way are the cheeks-- not the body-- the body would just remain as thin as it is. You may think it's cool, but when you really look at it, it's not as cool as what you think it really is. It's UGLY. It makes me look like a newly unwrapped lollipop. Body can deceive eyes in thousand ways. A face cannot. Oh, DESPAIR!

Whoah.

So I love that I get to grab my guitar and compose songs yet again. I love that I get to sleep as long as I want to anytime. Oh cupcakes, I just love to love the season.

I'm not worthy of any filth whatsoever anyway coz boy, we need the rain so bad! Mr. Dry Spell ain't setting off yet. If the rains would stop right now, then we're gonna live our lives again under extreme heat causing unruly effects to us people and our environment.

And if you're gonna ask me, I'd rather be in school than stay at home. Even if there are thousands of enticing and seemingly enjoyable things to do at home that I mentioned earlier, being in school (or even at work!) would always be different-- even if it's raining cats and dogs. And for a person like me who loves working, then having a day out would mean a sweet dreary day at home.

Classes are suspended until tomorrow and I can't do anything about that anymore. Sigh. Just when I'm missing someone tapos... ! amp!. =p uuuy. He-he-he. The only thing that's left for me to do now is to just enjoy the long weekend and do all things I mentioned earlier and oh, I betcha, Exams will be up next week so I might review my lessons too. :P

Besides, I'm loooving the weather. ;p

Hayz. Just keep on raining Mrs. Rain okays?

A-ha-hah!

2007-08-04T02:33:00.000-07:00

Braincrack

It's gonna be UPCAT day tomorrow-- 12:30pm, ASTRODOME. Did I get that right? Coz really, the venue written on my test permit's confusing me. Whut.

We've been taking lots of tests/exams since summer, take note SINCE summer, and you expect me to get all panicky and jumpy on this? Nononononononono... I'm going to eat a supersize Hawaiian Delight pizza for Pete's sake and get quarter of the exam questions right (hah!).

... then a nice little cup of coffee.

You see, I'm relaxed. Way too relaxed. I am so not going to make a big fuss over these entrance examinations, except for USTET maybe coz I'm prioritizing UST (but Dad really want me for UP. Hay.) , but they all say USTET's the easiest examination so... Ha! Easy peasy cupcakes!

The only thing that I need to worry now is my friggin academics. Remember that time when I was fussing over my Statistics Unit Test? Well apparently, I almost failed the test. I only got 43/80 and son of a gun it was the only unit test that got me... dispirited! Others, not to brag or anything, didn't go past ten mistakes. Ugh.

What's the difference between Discrete and Continuous anyway?

Ack.

So I'm married with Physics. Hah! Physics loves me more that anything in this world-- but don't get me wrong... I don't love Physics in return. I hate the subject, for crying out loud! I hate calculations, I hate using formulas, I hate analyzing problems, and I hate having to draw straight lines at precise angles! But I'm one lucky girl, Physics continues to bring me joy time and again. And this is what I call-- meritorious academic infatuation.

=)

***

Fartworks.

It was only a 30-minute stay and look, I'm well-heeled with pictures. Whoever the paparazzo was at that time-- you're a fish! Ha!

We were supposed to finish Book Lover's club's bulletin board but since we were all tamad, we decided to finish our fans instead (Miss Eva thought we were doing the bulletin board, shashing!). I wasn't able to finish my fan, though. The two girls succeeded in prodding me to go to the mall with them so I chucked out doing my fan and boo... Lakwatsa. Then some friends tagged along with us and voila, happy day.

To boot, we also bumped along with our guy friends at the mall, and boy how drunk those guys were. We're friends with them but we kind of got pretty scared with them at that time. Woo. Even that one particular guy who declared some petty stuff with me that same day scared me to death!

I still have high respect with those guys, though. Coz man, I OWE THEM MY LIFE.

***

Here's something:

2007-08-03T05:02:00.000-07:00

Bon Appetit!

Ratatouille was scrumptious-- though it wasn't really that heartrending unlike other Pixar movies. But it still had its moments though-- scenes such as when Remy the rat first saw the view of Paris and those scenes that came after the brilliant flashback that Anton Ego the food critic had after tasting Ratatouille, where the only thing you can do is go "awwwwwwwwww......"-ing and boy had Eka didn't divulge some parts of the story, I would have cried a river.

And surely enough, anybody can cook!

***

Oi. I got my ID na.

And...

Saktong August 1. Woo! haha. Imagine, nagpapicture kami some time last July tapos ngayon lang nabigay. Haha. Idol!

Considering all the changes made na halatang ginamitan ng Photoshop pero lame yung pagkaka-edit, I look like a MALDITA YOUNG LADY waiting to eat some potential carnivorous' food. Hekhek, adik! Basta, amp! so panget ever!!!

Asar no, gragraduate ka na nga lang, ang jologs pa ng last highschool ID mo.

And look naman, ang layo ng itsura ko ngayon sa itsura ko diyan! and what if authorities would claim na hindi ako yan?! Haha. Adik ka talaga.

***

Oi. I heard DS won over MG this afternoon. Ay naman.. Congrats DS!!!!! Woo!
I wasn't able to watch the game anyway. Sad. But anyways, the mere fact that DS won, I'm happy na rin. :)

Ay shocks. It's Jazel's birthday pala ngayon. Oy, ZEL!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! wahaha. Ü

Wala lang. Tagalog mode ako ngayon. Halata ba?

2007-08-01T16:55:00.001-07:00

Hidden Track

sung by: Aaron Carter

In consequence of persistent sleep deprivation, my eyes seem to get sappier and glassier day after day with these fit to bust blackish puffs beneath. Ever since I found the drive to stay up late at night to finish certain tasks, to try updating my bloggy which significance isn't actually known to me, and of course, to have small chats through mobile phones to people whose distances away from me are horrendous and insufferable, I've replaced the ghost lurking inside the house turning myself from a preposterous sleepy human to a real living ghost who constantly opens the fridge now and again to grab some bite, oh yumme-- No wonder why Granma always puts up a face every morning. Hah! Like, where have all the apples gone?! Ha-di-ha!

And Goodness Gracious, I found the joy of putting layers of concealer to cover up these semi-circular overweight thingies. It has been one of my morning rituals to apply such and ohmyfudgeebar to egotistically compliment myself in front of my dresser mirror for a job well done. =p

But anyway, since I'm halatang-wasak-pero-ayaw-aminin [evidently], I'd rather leave the beauty crisis to my board of beauty trustees-- my concealer, face powder, and lip shimmer. Raging teenage-slash-jologsky hormones, cupcakes! Aaacckkk.

***

I still can't f----- move on. I knew that I should have scrutinized it all before finalizing my decisions. If only I prepared well. Damn. How could I've been so stupid?! How could I've been so stupid to not realize that what I was doing was entirely wrong no matter which side you see it. Awww. What are the odds of ending up in great victory? FLAT ZERO.

Damn. What have I done?! Judgment day will be this afternoon and I'm sooo terrified to see/hear the sentence.

Please... pray for me.

Coz I don't know what I would do if I fail...... my Statistics Unit Test.

He-he-he.=)

2007-07-31T06:07:00.000-07:00

Dropped

Cecilio Cumba has been officially booted out of DS as of 7:20 this morning. Yes, dear, he's out. And you know what? I will miss him. Not that we have something to muse over or what, or maybe there's one, and perhaps because we've been on the same class ever since and regardless of all his misdemeanors, he's always been good, as far I'm concerned, to us.

I've no recollection of long chats with him whatsoever-- I remember approaching him only on times that I'm told to remind him of this and that-- all reminders and warnings and notices as far as my memory could try reach. It's sad that I never had any chance to get in real touch with him before he got dropped out of school.

This morning as well, upon learning Cecilio's discharge, Vincent surprisingly went into an emotional, scary yet sweet disposition I'd never forget.

"... yung pinagsamahan naming ni Bogs mula first year hanggang fourth year... *sob* "

Like Vincent was fifth to the last person in the world that I'd ever want to see cry over a guy friend. It's such a shame that I had to compare him with other guys who don't care about anything in the world but hot girls and themselves. It's such a shame that I misjudged his character only for the reason that he's a consistent black-listed student.

If you're gonna ask me, I would say he's way better than those brainy virtuosos because at least he knows how to get real not only to himself but to other people as well. Same is true with Cecilio, they both have this certain personality that I strongly admire-- only that there are times that they find it difficult to control such due to aggravating situations that they end up doing off beam things leading to unlawful conclusions of their actions by not-so-understanding people-- that would probably explain Cecilio's misery right now.

Sir Greggy is unswerving on his warnings. Personally, I am scared-- seven more months ain't a short while to run away even from a sole misdeed. Seven more months, one to two misconducts and you're out. And what's worse is that being a graduating student is not an excuse. And Sir Greggy's got all the fucking point. Yet again.

That he had the guts to boot Cecilio.

But anyway, life should move on. Life must move on with Cecilio whereas I, would learn over time to eke out a living without Mister The One to Blame.

As for Vincent, oh what a righteous heart you have, my dear. I simply admire you for that. You don't need to worry, Cecilio will be fine. He will move on. And I'm sure that the strong solidarity formed between you guys will never sod to pieces for years to come.

PS.
Something from Mister Cecilio Cumba:

Sorry for not being the best...
I tried hard naman eh.
Sorry for not being perfect...
Sinubukan ko naman eh.
Sorry for not being what you expect me to be...
Sorry ha,
Si "Bhogs" lang kasi ako!

PSS.
Something from Marion Bernard:

"...mataas respeto ko sayo. Magkamatayan na pag may nang-anu sayo..."

***

I stayed extremely late last night because of this:

"coz every cloud has a silver lining...

dream on..."

-Dream on, by Dreamstreet

2007-07-29T05:08:00.000-07:00

Hanging Bridge Ü

Maybe it isn't deliberated on how many hoots you've wide-mouthed during the day that you'd get to realize what real fun is. And not until you virtually take in everything-- from start to the point of grasping who your companies were all throughout-- that you'd also get to realize that time spent like this cannot be compared to shitty times that you made shitty shits just to inflict an immense whamp--real fun, that is--but to no avail.

If I am to compare this day with yesterday, malamang dehadong dehado [read: thrashed out] na ang Sabado. Since I'm already doing this, might as well admit that I actually didn't want to go out last Saturday, but much to my dismay, Lupin and Cham got me, and almost had me sullying my already-dithered day.

And then Sunday hit my calendar--causing my phone to go ballistic reminding me of the day's appointment [the PNHSR, and Nisce App.], like I've got to be there by 8:30 [yes!] and it was 8:40 when I left home.. Hah! ; And how it endured my inescapable Snooze hits, I have no idea. Oddly enough, I arrived at PNHS pretty much on time with expectant eyes glued on me like a butt stuck on a newly painted bench [despair!] when I entered room 60.

So room 60 was the room. After Mini-mini-boo-booing the test Mr. Job-look-a-like gave us, we chucked the 20-peso-worth review for nice visits to some places I know my friends adored [they were claiming I was their tour guide shit].

I took them to lovely places-- and the rest, as I've decided, will be kept to ourselves na lang..

Coz we enjoyed a lot.

And THAT'S GOT TO BE ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF our SENIOR YEAR.

Lots of el ow el ow el ow vi ee to Yani, Cham, Eka, Bry, and Ray.

***

Introduced the three girls [Yani, Eka, Cham] to Nisce and let their hairs done there. It's no surprise that they'd fall in love with the place, the people, and the salon itself. Eka and Yani, welcome to the shorty hair society! Cham, hah! You're one gorgeous bitch! :)

... and whereas I, had my face done. Yowtch!

2007-07-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Like what?

I told you, all I need in my life now is a simple high school graduation.

Eight straight months to go babies. Ugh.

I really anticipate the company of my guy friends. It's not that I flirt with them, no way! I just admire the way they deal with their problems and all that. Tacky atmosphere. They're that ha-ha-ha even if their problems are way heavier than five tons of trucks.

What's even more admiring is that they have high respect on you and no matter who you are--tanggap ka nila unlike some nudgeheads I know. And because they respect you, lagi nilang iisipin yung kapakanan mo even if they're sometimes gago and all that. Hehehe.

In fact, most of the lessons I'm learning in this existence of mine are coming from them!

All I can say is that.. APoch Mga Tol!

Aish. Hehehe

[Loko nga tayo pero may puso naman tayo =)]

***

Curse!!!! RAGES!

I'm exasperated. What part of it don't you get huh?!

So maybe I'm not the perfect daughter. But I'm wholly sure that I'm a hundred percent well--damn it, I'm not crazy. I've been trying my best to regain my life and don't you just dare mess it all up. Life will be tougher. And I will get even-- I'll be tougher.

Tutu you who think I'm a loser. Tutu you who think I'm crazy. Tutu you who think I'm a good for nothing wimp. I am cursing all the bad stuff in the world. Swear words aren't enough. But I swear to the heavens down six feet under, I'm going to sue all things that would come across my friggin' way.

I'll repeat-- what part of it don't you people get?! So what if I'm into rock music? I can go to classical or country music if I want to anytime anyway. So what if I'm a little rebellious? At least I'm not scared to do things. So what If I don't dress up like that lady you see in England? At least I don't dress up like those prostitutes you see along the dim corners of the city.

There are lots of accusations-- false accusations thrown at me. I hate it. It drives me mad. But it breaks my heart more.

First of all, I’m not crazy, matino akong tao. Just because I sing out loud here at home it doesn't my mind is not well. Ganun lang talaga ako.

Second, I'm not doing drugs. I have a life to live and I have loads of dreams to achieve. I want to be successful-- let alone doing drugs. I'm a little rebellious, yes, but I know where my boundaries lie. I know where I stand and I know when to stop. I choose my companions based on how they control themselves and how they deal with things such as what I'm dealing though right now. I'm a very persnickety person-- but in a pleasant kind of way.

Third, I'm fine with my dad. But I hate my mom-- well, not exactly Mom. If these people want me to abhor Dad's wedding with Tita Shao, then be it. I will still be happy for him and tita Shao. Why, inggit kayo na masaya ako for Dad than sa inyo?! Tsk. I have reasons. And I stand on what I accept as true would be good for me and for everyone. I know this wedding will change my father's life for good. I know. And whatever's going to make my dad happy, expect me to always count in.

Lastly, I HATE YOU. Just because you can't accept the fact that we've [I've] changed you can already do those it's-your-fault looks to us [to me]. Bahala ka sa buhay mo! THE PROBLEM IS NOT WITH US. IT'S WITH YOU, and guess what dear, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. The same old problem.

And if di niyo ko feel, FINE! I don't care. :) Thankyousomuch for hating me. :) hah!

Hay buhay...

You know, the only thing that's making this whole thing painful inside is that the people who're condemning me of doing such incriminating acts are people whom I've spent almost all the best times of my life-- people I respect, care, and love.

I never wanted to ruin my life. Please don't let me do things just because you think I am capable of doing it. I want to do things-- things that I really want to do-- that would be for the better of everybody not only of myself.

Don't provoke me.

Coz just for the record...

I'm the one in control next to God.

***

Referral from Mr. Frank was worth every penny.

Anyway, thanks for the Chinese Cut.

... That I still don't get up to know since it's called a Chinese cut well in fact I look like a japanese anime.

Sod the boom.

***

Thanks for the call, guys.

That was what I just needed.

2007-07-16T05:29:00.000-07:00

Weintstein

As Teddy Geiger sings "These Walls"...

The only thing that's left for me to do now is to decide whether to continue doing this one or to just take a shower and toss myself to bed. So obviously, I'm free of any work to do tonight.

Supposedly, I should be stressed by now. As in the mega-hyper-stressed type that would give me the impression of a one-hundred-one-year-old aged woman with all the sagging skin, wispy white hairs, obstructed hearing and vision, diagnosis of that memory gap thing which always reminds me of this certain TV commercial that constantly says, "bawal ang pork... bawal ang beans... yadayadayada" as it shreds certain food images from this jerk's head, withdrawal of lip smacking only-for-non-diabetic-kids foods, and all that old momma stuff.

Basically, it's eew.

But no really, I should be strained by now. I've been finishing loads of work day after day and my eyes are becoming daily victims of extreme sleep deprivation which cause them to be all tedious and dull by next morning. Ah, the concealer era!

It's only tonight that I might get a good night sleep. But since it's now 67 seconds away before my good night sleeping time ticks on, I wouldn't have a nice eight-hour sleep yet again. Tsk. Tomorrow's gonna be real busy. And so with the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next.

Argh.

Okay.

I really can't take this anymore.

Truth is, I can't stand the scorching fact that I'm still stuck in school, that I'm still in my senior year, that I'm still in Economics and Physics, that I'm still stuck arriving home by 7 pm at the most and sleeping by 12am just to finish school works, that I'm still not that self-sufficient. Sure, I would love to have the stereotypes. But it ain't that easy, you dope. The realities circumscribing my life at the present are somewhat disappointing and off-putting which probably would clarify why life on my part is getting more and more uninteresting and... substandard.

Well babies... All I need to do is to graduate. That's it. Then I can already get away from this school with all these "plastic" kids from all over the place. I will be of fewer headaches from all their nasty nonsense rumors, and "pa-epalan" schemes. I won't have to fish out my Economics book every now and then to get ready for two friggin' hours of Sir Greggy's hideous graded recitation [right, justify my answer you're saying sir? Easy peasy. ]. I won't have to waste rolls and rolls of tissues just to wipe the blood coming from my nosey, if you still couldn't get it, dork, I'm talking about the ay-pakshet-dude-nosebleed! thing. Got it?! J-e-s-u-s!

Geez. Let me graduate! Please let me graduate! PLEASE just let me f-ing graduate,

:P

2007-07-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

Ten AM Presence In Theatre

Most of my friends claimed that the Order of the Phoenix movie was rather disappointing that they were screaming what a total boo the movie was. But actually, the movie somehow worked for me. Partly because I appreciate the fact that Daniel Radcliffe has become a great actor indeed. Gone are the days of childish and tacky acting.

I think Emma Watson got prettier this time. Her Hermione character's still the same old Harry's know-it-all sidekick. And then there was Rupert Grint who isn't growing to be a good-looking actor [hah!]--it's just a little disappointing that I wasn't able to remember one statement from Ron/Rupert. Oh, I remember one:

"O'right."

Hehehehehehe.

Anyway, I think David Yates did a great job--with all those calm scenes that seemed to have an impending danger looming all the time. Actually, the movie was a good one but I was expecting a great cinematic experience which I didn't get thankyouverymuch. I mean, c'mon, it's Order of the Phoenix, man. They could have put in more actions instead of getting all focused on what parts of the book not to include in the movie. It was great, really. I was just expecting more.

***

What?

Wanna ask me? I didn't enjoy the day. It should have been one of the best times of senior year but it just didn't work for me.

I don't know. I mean, I loved the company of my friends, Ate Lui, SD and SAG students, it's just that I couldn't seemed to find the spirit to be all cheerful like the others. Sigh.

2007-07-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

Asar Talo

I never really believed on this Friday-the 13th idiocy-- about the ill luck it brings to each and every one and all that. I think it is plain pathetic to make the whole poor skunk a big deal. Like it will change your life in one day... NAMAN!

Nagkandamalas-malas ang araw ko ngayon. And it has nothing to do with that Friday the 13th shit, okay?

Of course, the least thing you'd ever want to happen to you throughout the day is yung mabadtrip ka, umaga pa lang right? Sad thing was, ang aga-aga, ang init-init ng ulo ko.

I super-mega-over got annoyed with this particular beachhead in class this morning because of this proposal stuff that was needed to be passed this afternoon. He told me last night that h'd be the one to make the proposal so I didn't pursue finishing the proposal I started typing in my PC two days ago.

Basically, he volunteered to do and finish the job. I asked him pa nga if he was sure na siya na gagawa and he said yes-- so I was really positive this morning that he would present us a good proposal. Tsk. I should have known.

Hindi siya nakagawa.

Great. Just great. He even told his girlfriend [which apparently is a friend of mine] na bwisit ako for letting him do all the work. Pfft. Just for the record dear, I was adamant in asking you the procedure and purpose of YOUR IDEA. But I didn't get a single thought about it since you tend not to elaborate whatever you were blabbing about that crap.

Right. So we started bartering outlandish looks, then we began quarrelling like robbers, then I began to move away, sulking, and cried eventually while trying to make up a nice rationale suited for our I.P.

If you're gonna ask me, I'm really a busy person. So I cried because I thought I'd get away with that burden, pinasa pa sakin. Tsk. Even Mrs. Sarmiento was giving me the pressure this morning to finish some of the works she asked me to do. I really was pressured that I wasn't able to pay attention to the lecture-- come Filipino time. I wasn't even aware that we're already having this PSEP stuff when Mrs. Linda came.

Lame.

Anyway, we were able to finish and submit the proposal on time. However I'm still infuriated at him. Or maybe I despise him already. Ugh.

Don't mind me.

I'm just plain frustrated. Arg! ARG!

****

Sinta

I thought I liked you. I thought I loved you. I thought you were great, MATH... Damn. I WAS WRONG. You gave me a mega-low score on my over 50 quiz. Fudge, I'm working real hard to know you better, to understand you even more. But my effort isn't paying me off comparatively. You're so unfair, Math. My academic grades nearly suffered all this time since elementary because of you. You’ve been the same old pest among the good crops.

I've been through all the humiliations in blackboard calls, in front of class, in front of my mentors. All because of you. My mentors think I'm a total boo because I suck in understanding you. Sure. You were easy to get along with at the beginning, but as you gradually show your true colors, I could only give one color.,. BLOODY RED. AAACCK.

Math-ey dear, you really don't like me huh?

Pero makikita mo. Hindi kita susukuan. Makikita mo.

***

We're gonna watch HP5 tomorrow. DS rockers will invade the theatres tomorrow. Hah!

2007-07-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

Zehb.

Tsk. Pasaway. Masama ka Jonvi. Masama ka.

Aminin mo na kasing may nililigawan ka na jan! Poch!

Wednesday pala ha.. Sige maghanap ka ng date mo. Aish. Hanapan pa kita if you like eh.

Aargh. I'm plain frustrated. No, hindi dahil kay Jonvi. Basta. Ugh!

2007-07-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

Mini Meal

Actually, I'm moving on.

I wouldn't say I'm all over him, but yes, I'm getting there. The only thing that's making this whole thing budge at a snail's pace is that every time I try to steer away from the jerk, the more he's inching himself closer to me. Aye.

I'm just worried about one thing.

The other one.

I'm worried that I'm just making him an excuse to let go of "Hoodie" or worse, using him to cover up the wound that Hoodie has given me obliviously. If truth be told, I'm plain confused now than pleased. I want Hoodie out, but I know it wouldn't be easy especially because I'm the only one hurting and he's not. He isn't even aware of what's happening around him coz he's over-attached with his good-for-heavens skimpy obsession.

Anyway, Mr. Other One asked me to watch HP6 with him this weekend. Apparently, I said yes, of course-- it's been two whole months since I last saw him and we're having short careless chats barely by phone and it happens once in a week only. Sad.

I miss the guy.

I know I've been so affected by storm Hoodie these past few weeks, but really-- I miss "Other One" terribly. And promise promise promise, I'm moving on na. Duh! That's why I accepted Mr. Other One's invitation noh! Hehe. This Saturday, baby. This Saturday.

CHAMMY!!! Excited tayong dalawa noh? Ha-ha-ha! Ahem. Ahem.

***

Garapal

I've never been this hectic in my whole life. I'm finishing loads of work after the other and hell, I just want to get away with all these things. If only, man. If only. Problem is, I just can't run away from these crap at the moment since beachheads are expecting great things. Great pathetic things that I want to see exploding through colossal supernova tonight.

Aaaccckkk!

And problems keep on coming... Damn. Damn. Damn. Hey yo, problemos, don't you ever get tired of messing up people's lives?! Darn. GO AWAY!!!

"Ma'am, kelangan niyong mag-purchase ng new pair kasi di po sila nag-rerelease ng kalahati lang..."

Whaaaat?!!! Do you fkcutards know how much money I've already spent for those contact lenses?! For the record, my dear son of a gun whoever, I've spent about seven thousand pesos already, only for a pair of contact lenses that appear as if I have the deadliest eyes ever that it never snuggled down in my possession. And I still have remaining balances to settle by the end of this week.

I haven't even mentioned about school stuffs that I need to pay. [this week na rin! Poch!] The entrance exam review fee, retreat fee, application forms, hand-outs, this and that. Pffft. I wish my allowance would put in a little dent to my growing. Or I would rather owe President Bush my whole life if he would sign my adoption papers. Hah! Adopt me Papa George! Now! Now! Now!

Garapalan na ito! Hehehehehehehehe!

Kidding aside, I'm really really flat broke at the moment. If I use to fuss over my shopping allowance, di na ngayon. I'm a good girl now. And I'm fussing over EVERYTHING! Gaaaaaaah.

***

Singles' Life

I still can't get over the emo-rocker guys we bumped along yesterday at the mall. They were all cute [especially the one with nerdy eyeglasses and the one who got this niiiiiiceee hairstyle] and I swear, walang sinabi si Emo Spiderman. Ha-la-ha!

That guy who got the perfect rocker hairdo made a great impact in my mind. Why? Because he greeted me!!!! Me! Me! Me! Ayan. Kumakapal na naman mukha ko but it's true. Hahaha! Ano, ha? My companions thought I'm friends with the guy-- of course I hoped I was, but unfortunatelyI wasn't. YET. Haha! Cute guys... DROOL!

Okay. Okay. I'm just happy. I'm not doing any immorality a'right? I'm single and I'm just enjoying the advantages and privileges of being one. Hah!

This is life.

***

I think it's plain insane that I'm updating my blog right now while I still have heaps of work to finish. Tsk.

Obviously, I still don't know what work to start finishing and where to start. Ha-di-ha.

Oh no.

Oh no no.

Oh no no no.

NO!

2007-07-03T05:52:00.000-07:00

OH. MY. god.

Blag!

"Sandali lang ho, yung mama!"

He was lying there, duck-like, fallen from his seat-- his eyes, almost white as pearl, and his tongue was sticking out unresponsively.

"Mama gising!"

Then he began to shudder, mild at first, and then he began shaking vigorously. All was concluding it was an epileptic attack, but I could have known better-- it was heart attack. We passengers were filled with shock and pity, everyone, especially the women began all but trembling with alarm and all that.

We brought him to the nearest hospital and I ought to say that he was extremely fortunate that when he passed out, we [the bus] stopped up exactly in front of a police station and the hospital was just three or four minutes away from the station.

God is so good.

When we arrived at the hospital, he was brought inside at once, of course. Then people began asking other people who would like to stay with him for he got no one to accompany him until his family arrive. It was a sad thing that no one dared to stay with the man, as they claim they don't know him and it was like goddamn it that...

"Les, gusto ko bumaba..."

...that I wanted to go down the bus and stay in the hospital. I saw the whole thing [except the time before he fell], and I could answer medical questions thankyouverymuch for the man-- but I was just a teenage high school student who may have looked like the I-don't-care-one most people would have perceived at that time inside the bus.

I was frustrated that I wanted to do something to help him. Tears began filling my eyes as the bus head off from the hospital so I began to pray-- for it was the only thing I could do at that time.

All the while, I was telling God to save the man-- to keep him out of serious harm. I was filled with sympathy. And I began to realize a sense of calling.

I'm not certain. But it's like I was awakened from something that right now makes everything I am looking forward to rather confusing. I wanted to save the man-- probably to save his life-- a calling for a medical course? Am I going to be a doctor?

But my heart isn't there [in Medicine]. I don't even know if I wanted to be one. I really am supposed to take up nursing in college, but hell how I hate it. I never wanted to clean bedcovers infused with vertebrate waste, I never wanted to bathe old guys!, I never wanted to make subo to guys who find it difficult to eat without someone's help, I never wanted this and that.

Think what you want to think. But I'm so plain maarte.

If I'm gonna take Nursing in college, I'll make it sure to proceed to Medicine after.

Anyway, you know where my heart is? MANAGEMENT and/or DESIGNS. I prefer management. I won't elaborate muna.

Basta all I want is to be a corporate woman someday

And Friday nights, babe.

Hah!

2007-06-30T17:55:00.000-07:00

God Works In His Own Mysterious Ways

Why do I find it easy to hang around and take time on things? Why do I keep on thanking Him for the wonderful friends I have? Why do I always find comfort in isolation? Why do I keep on standing up again whenever I fall? Why do I always find tiny specks of joy during those times that I breakdown and cry?

It's because of Him.

Him who has been my best-est father, brother, and friend as I go over this life. Plus, I wouldn't be here in this world today without Him, and He's the main reason why I keep on waking up each morning.

Back then, I would always question Him things that I regard now as one of those things that don't really matter. It took me time-- with trials, joys, success, failures, pains, everything-- before I came to realize the real grounds of why some things happen or why some things fail.

Things happen not because it's by chance nor by fate, but because it is really meant for us. We cannot have what isn't intended for us. On the other hand, things fail because God knows we would benefit a lot from it. He's always giving us tribulations because He knows that we are strong and we can handle it. These life's ordeals are the best learning tools--we fail, then we try one more time, then again and again and again until we succeed. Which makes Him a total genius at that.

Anyway, God has been placing a lot of new and fantastic people in the empty seats of my Life Rail Transit and I really am grateful for that. God gave me friends who know me better than I know myself; God gave me enemies to stay strong, and God gave me a family that from the very start has been supporting and loving me all the way.

I feel like God vigilantly chose and choosing the great souls that are playing and will play a part in my life. God is really good.

There wasn't a time that He failed me in my prayers. When I pray for something, I know there's no way He wouldn't heed it--He always gives special attention to my prayers and so with yours. God answers our prayers. But God doesn't give it right away coz He knows when will be the right time or if our prayer is what we really need to pray for. We wouldn't even notice that God has already answered our prayers because He answers it in ways we wouldn't expect-- and those, oftentimes, are better that what we've asked him.

God exists.

And He works in mysterious ways.

***
Duper Late pictures

To the movies for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Damn. I fell in love with Mister Silver Surfer. Hah! And Chris Evans was hotter. Oi. You movie critics should give an A++ to this film ha.

Venue of picture shooting: restroom.-aack.

The Fantastic-wasted-dahil-sa-init-ng-restroom 4!

hahahahahaa!!!! may kwento ako dito. :)

***

2007-06-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

Roller Coaster Ride

It's been hell of a school week-- days passed almost in haste, and yet there were still mega-madcap events that took advantage of my nice-and-slow pace. It's been a roller caster ride, really. And I'm sensing that my security belt's starting to unbolt-- for now I feel like an upturned wimp, clutching to my cart's metal bar as my limp body kisses the airstream.

It was Monday when I found myself in total misfortune and jeopardy. Everything went the way I hated them to be, I woke up pretty late, I wasn't able to make certain requirements on time, my tests never got close to perfect scores, I was on a high"red alert", I forgot my scientific calculator, I forgot this, I forgot that...

Briefly, last Monday was one of those days that I really could say... "Ang malas-malas ng araw ko!"

And freaky Monday made my reading vision hazy as well-- I was just about disoriented, as you might say. I was whitewashed by wooziness and climate alterations [achoo?]. Aack. And all because of a torn contact lens.

Can you believe it?! I was about to run through a killer smile in front of my dresser's mirror that Monday morning when I saw my poor right lens on my dresser table, dried-up and tattered. I didn't know how or why it happened, so I just thought of how stupid I was to let such disaster happen.

Damn. Do you know how contact lenses cost nowadays?! Ugh! For crying out loud!

On a lighter note, I already talked to Dra. Arenas, my opthal, and she said she'll replace at once the contact lens that got ripped apart and I'm gonna see her tomorrow for a check-up appointment. Boo! I survived the week! Hah! Beat that.

But I think the week worsened my eyes' myopia.

Anyway, come Tuesday, as far as I could remember, the only thing that got into my Brain Access Memory was it was the day when Mrs. Sarmiento asked Gelleene and I to exchange seats. Hah! I was frankly furious at first, but as I get all used to my new "surroundings", I'm finally falling in love with it. Eka's in front of me now, which is a total yahoo and the boys, Marrion and Richmond, never fail to crack me up with their daily mocks.

Wednesday-- the hilarity day. Sir Greg gave his quiz Mr-Montoy-like, and I got two mistakes. BUMMER. You know how I always overreact on things. Call me weird or whatever, I feel really really down when I don't get perfect scores-- be it on my quizzes, homeworks, or just plain seatworks. Ugh. I am hell frustrated and distressed, and I don't care how people would react on that.

Anyhow, English period was fun as well. People came close to farting shit for laughing nonstop. Hah! This justifies the point that Mrs. Sleepy ain't Mrs. Sleepy anymore.

I love 4-St. Dominic. Ha-ha!

Then Mister Thursday, the iyakan blues day. Funny how we were laughing nonstop one day then suddenly almost everyone has gotten melodramatic. Cham began crying first when break time hit the clock that afternoon for some reason I didn't know at first since I wasn't able to go over and talk to her since there were a lot of people surrounding her and I was getting all too emotional as well that I couldn't find the urge to comfort her which made me even sadder.

All. Too. Emotional.

Right. The whole thing was overcrowding my brain that attending my Physics class was the last thing I ever wanted to do at that time. Reality trapped me with an opaque blanket at that point in time that my thoughts were cornered with thoughts and I began thinking how other people, particularly my old friends, think that I've already changed-- on my part, why are they afraid of change? People change. No matter how hard they try not to, they will. And I am a person who welcomes changes in life-- and I don't stick with the usuals. People who can't accept change are people who do not know how to handle their own lives. And I stand on that.

I also thought of this certain girl in class who keeps on avoiding me up to this time. Damn it. I never did anything to her, as far as I'm concerned. I tried to be someone for her but it didn't work since she tends to walk away from us. From me. And I don't even know why. I already prompted chances where we could talk and she can open up her side but it appears like she never gave a damn to those chances. She is not something for me but someone. But I guess she'll never realize that coz she’s too blinded by her loss of massive trust in me.

If there's anything that I wouldn't ever anticipate in this world, that is, dishonesty-slash-deception.

Anyway, another thought was this whole academic stuff. I don't know. I really am frustrated and I'm afraid i'm dead desperate. Why? It's because I want to prove something-- not to myself, not to my family, but to other people. That yes, I slipped last year and found it difficult to stand up again. But here I am now-- may seatbelt at helmet na! [hehehe]. I also couldn't help but think all the killer stresses that I was and am feeling. The real thing's already taking its toll and I hope I could get through this.

All right, so I really was thinking a lot of things at that time within that realism blanket. When it all became transparent, I started crying. Then I sang Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry-- there's something in this song that beyond doubt brushes away my tears. Then I thought I wanted to release all that was inside of me. So I went out and started hitting the wall as hard as I could. Next thing I knew, nasira ko na pala yung isang side. Tsk. It was of use, though. My burden got lighter and I began feeling okay.

And that wasn't me. Me getting all fired up? Me getting all that? Me hitting walls? Come on. I wasn't being myself at that time. Gaaah!

Anyway, Erika also began crying, and then Ariane, and then Minette, and then the others. I now find it weird since most of us broke down at the same time all for different reasons. And how everything turned to be all okay? Well, I think it's the bond that binds us all as one. :P

Miss Friday-- today.

I am so upset. I even told people I wanna die but I realized later on that thinking of injuring myself won't do any good and it’s something one must let alone to do.

Pathetic.

The day got all ruined when we were about to wrap and finish the whole bulletin board thing. There was a throbbing twinge inside me that I still find tremendously odd up to now. They were happy, and I feel so little. He was praising her. And I was just the old classmate. Damn. I hate this.

One thing I don't understand: Why did I cry? Did I cry because of him?

Damn. Damn. Damn.

If it wasn't for Erika, Ivan, Jazel, and Erik, I wouldn’t be able to release what's holding me back. Thank you guys.

Thank you Cham, Thank you Anaw, Thank you Eka. Special Mention. Ha-ha!

Thank you Kathleen for you-know-what. Hahaha. :)

By the way, there was something that Rachelle, my kafatid, said that made a great impact in me.

"Let them be."

2007-06-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

Wtf?!

"Fudge, magkakasakit yata ako..."

I thumped my head to and back the floor as I tried to look for Leslie's face who apparently was sitting on one of the sofas. I was lying flat on my back and I know you're probably wondering what the hell was I doing down there--lying. Right. It's no big deal. Really. I was just doing this crazy stuff I was telling you awhile ago then a few moments later I quite got bushed, got sluggish, and my head began killing me so I crashed down and felt the reverberating boom inside my cranium as it goes youchy as it hit the marble flooring.

What was I thinking?

Seriously, I really think I'm going to be sick. Sick like that broncho guy? No. Sick like that pneumo guy? No. Sick like that TB guy? HELL NO! I just feel like I'm gonna get colds or something.

Darn this son of a gun bitchy throbbing head of mine. It hurts so bad I wanna pass out. Owwwwww...

Just when I remember Ms. Big Fat Liar when she faked this whole fainting fit thing back in fifth grade, it was so obvious and not to mention pathetically stupid everyone could have whacked her out somewhere. My classmates back then brought her to the clinic and when she "woke up" she said she can't remember a thing. Poor thing. So how would you explain when nobody told her who brought her to the clinic and after a few days she was narrating this whole story in full details and she just knew who brought her to the clinic.

Even the nurse could testify that Miss Liar just made it all up five years ago.

It's no surprise that she hasn't changed a bit--her attitude even got worse. J-e-s-u-s-!

Anyway, I was reading my Eco book when I came across this certain paragraph that really caught my attention. Dude, it was the exact paragraph [mahaba ah] or group of words that Sir Greg was telling or discussing to class the last time. He never opens his Eco book in class but he can thrash out and finish the whole book in one episode. Beats the cake.

It was only last Thursday that I got my Economics book and you know what, he's already on his way to Chapter 2. Sir Greg, are you feeling okay? Coz I'm just wondering if you remember being abducted by aliens.. coz you know what sir undisputed pogi, I think some creature installed a massive chip within your brain that you could remember all these things even the tiniest details on certain fields. You could start from our country's scarce resources and end up to the Nematodes in the animal kingdom in Zoology.

God, you're one of a kind.

Are you normal?

Tsk.

At any rate, borate..

How amazing. How amazing that that lean guy could do great special effects and make simple yet great stories in a 10-minute film. He's so talented. Ever since the premier of ON THE LOT, I knew he could make it to where he is now. He's a born film maker. And you know what the downside is?

I don't know his friggin' name.

Not a single idea. Damn.

My head still hurts like hell.

There is something about Brendan Fraser that reminds of Randy. Randy Randy-who? Tsk. Kilala mo naman eh. Si Randy gago. Oh, naalala mo na? Yes, darling, Brendad Fraser reminds me of Randy. Maybe it's the hot bod, maybe it's the weird i-don't-know-where's-it-coming-from voice, and maybe it's just him and him. I don't know. I was watching The Mummy last night and boom, Randy just popped into my head. And I want to pop him too like a big black bubblegum. What do you think?

I haven't heard from him for like five months now. And I don't care if he's doing all right or not. I hope not. Hahaha! :P

I wanna watch Ratatouille and HP: order of the phoenix. Sige na pls?

Did you notice something? No? Then you're a loser. Hah! Kidding!!! I still love you, don't worry. Wala lang. I'm just very random. I'm blogging for blogging's sake. I just type and type and type whatever pops right into my head. You may probably have noticed that this post is too.. spontaneous. Ack. I'm not doing drugs okay; I'm just having one of my flappable days. Bare with me/

I'm going to be sick.

2007-06-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

I know.

You know what's frustrating?

It's that I don't have fixed eating habits. One day I'll be gorging out all the food in the fridge and out of hand committing the sin of gluttony then one day I wouldn't eat anything. God damned. Do I have eating disorders?

Come on, I love to eat.

You know what's interesting?

It's the ESPN's Spelling Bee competition on the telly. It's a total bore but I kind of got hooked into it. One reason maybe is that I am learning a lot from it. From Cyanophycean to videlicet to yosenabe to serrafine to name it! I'm insane for deep English words and I don't care that most people don't get those when I use them. Hah! Another reason is that these kids, nerds for some, geniuses for me, never fail to amaze me by the way they, no not spell, but by the way they show their confidence. It's like you just know they could just sweep you off your feet just by their brains.

And I'm dying to be one of them.

You know what's lovely?

It's my guttural voice right now. I love it. Weird. Why? Because my English sounds better this way and my singing sounds... different... and raspy? Eew. Anyway, my voice is finally back-- only that the sound isn't quite normal, [hah!] I want it to stay this way, give me a week, give me twin popsies!

You know what's lovelier?

Our study room-slash-library is gradually becoming the way I want it to be. May classic carpet na and it was bought from Clark pa. You know how I've always been attracted to houses/mansions/rooms/castles that have baroque/classic approaches. It has been a dream of mine to own one, no not a mansion, but a home where there is a touch of old classic European style-- which reminds me of Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana and of course, the Princess Diaries.

So there you have it. I also love the big tapestry you'll see the moment you enter the room, it's got a big tame lion with a boy sitting, reading a book on its side. The drapery's in full-size and I love it. The curtains are the best and the sitting area reminds me of the movie Casanova.

Kulang na lang fireplace and grandfather's clock. Hehehe. ;p

You know what's headaching?

It's those cartolinas and Elmer's glue and scissors and glitters and bond papers lying on the living room's carpet waiting to get kicked. Damn. I'm soooo tamad to start making those stuff--kelangan na yun bukas. Tsk. And those books I see beside me? Damn, stop staring at me! I promise, I'll finish you all later. LATER. Especially that thick physics book, and that English Drills, and that blue Values Ed book. Err,

You know what's annoying?

It's the whiteheads building near my nose and worse, there is one ON my nose. Shocks! I knew I should have gone to the facials yesterday. If only I wasn't that exhausted, URGH!

Okay, so I'm gonna let this week pass first with all these annoying crap on my face and tangles on my hair and I swear to the good heavens, I'm goin prepping next weekend!

You know what's funny yet extremely CREEPY?

It's Majie's message to me [gm ata] this morning:
"Ui. Napanaginipan ko si Justin. Namatay daw xa. Skt nia cancer. Tapos ansama pa uh, ung bangkay daw niya dito inilagay samin. Ai bwct. Ahaha."

Ha-ha-ha! Gory! Then little did we know that Justin's mom HAS cancer.

Freaky.

[PS. But is it really true that her mom was diagnosed of you-know? Coz if it's true, then it's a total shocker. And we all need to pray for his mom.]

You know what's weird?

It's that I'm gonna go now and stop here coz really, I'll be in serious trouble if I won't be able to finish all these required works.

Don't miss me.

Much care.

2007-06-23T02:28:00.000-07:00

Finally

I'm all too exhausted and sapped by yesterday's election like standing up's the last thing I ever want to do now. See, I wasn't really all participating at this certain party-- I never attended practices and meetings [okay, I attended once.. just ONCE.], only that I was asked to manage this entire campaign thing a day before the room to room campaign-- to help out Megan [a junior stude] or to cajole or however you want to put it.

I was hesitant at first since, pathetic as it may seem, I thought I'd get in trouble yet again. What a big crazy thought but yeah, I WAS HELL SCARED. Then one second, like abracadabra voodoo magic, the hesitations and trepidations vanished, and then there I was, or were we rather, doing our crazy jobs.

June 21, 2007-- room to room campaign day. Everything was going really well-- we were smoothly switching rooms with smiles on everyone's faces, we were full of energy and all, then just like that, rumors started to heat everyone up, ripped posters were all over the place, tension begun rising, and people were crying. You could really feel the tension right there and there.

Then the whole thing reached Mrs. Valle [our school's prefect of discipline and the one who managed the SSG elections], she gathered all the candidates and supporters of the YSPEAKS and ELITE party at the library to patch things up. Everyone was defensive, everyone had their own explanations, and everyone was being reasonable. I did appreciate Ma'am Valle-- at that juncture, I wanna say. She said that this whole campaign or election thing wasn't carried out for people to fight, or spread nasty rumors, or to break friendships and all.

She was right. I mean, on my part, I think the whole lot could have been better if nagtulungan lahat, right? If there was only less competitiveness, maybe whatever the results could have been, for sure tanggap ng lahat without any qualms.

Anyway, June 22, 2007-- the rally. The ELITE party went first and I must say, Frances did her job really well as their campaign manager. It's very evident how she almost gave everything for the party-- she really really worked hard for it. Anyway, Cali band played Pasan by Callalily which, in all honesty, one of my (and Eka's) favorite songs. Eka and I really wanted to go in front of the stage and do the rock on jumps-- like we did when we watched one of Callalily's gigs at this certain mall. But we ended up doing crazy moves just on our seats. Anyway, Nathaniel, who happens to be Cali's vocalist (?) and a friend of mine sounded and looked like Kean Cipriano. Our school's gymnasium has big electric fans only to reduce the heat which I know for a fact is caused by global warming. Okay, so even if gargantuan electric fans were everywhere, it was still friggin' HOT that crazy Friday morning-- so what's the point? Hay naku, si Nathaniel, mantakin mo nakasweater at naka-hood pa habang kinakanta yung Pasan, aba, magpaka-Kean ba! Martir ka talaga Nat! he-he-he. But it's all good.

A'right, after the ELITE party, it was Paula's party's turn [YSPEAKS]. And I, together with Megan, did the whole "hosting”. Ha! I prefer being "the host" than being the "campaign manager" eh. Hehe [hi mami pau!]. Wala lang. It's been a dream of mine kasi to be an event host- so ayun. Maybe the rally yesterday was my "big break". What do you think? Ha-ha, we'll see. ;p

FYI, paos na paos ako ngayon and whole day nang tikom bibig ko. [sana may naka-aapreciate ng ginawa ko. haha.]

Anyway, Justin won over Paula as the SSG president. Before I say my thing, I want to share to you a simple nonsense thought of why Paula didn't win.

Lahat daw ng tumatakbong Vice President for SSG tapos nanalo and tumakbo as SSG president the next year, for sure, HINDI MANANALO.

And they all say it's a curse. I really wasn't going to believe it, but Paula's defeat proved it all right. It gave me goosebumps. Paula won as the SSG VP last year, and when she ran as SSG president this year, she didn't win. This was also the same reason why Ate Justine declined the offer to run as SSG president last year. And mind you, no former SSG VP won as the SSG P the next year. As in no one.

But on the other hand, I still believe that it's God's plan.

To Mr. Justin Tumanan, congratulations!!! Do your best to do your job to serve the whole student body. We're all here for you. We should all move on now since election's over and it's a whole new day ahead-- with you of course as Dominican's new SSG president. I hope this would serve as a nice training for you-- who knows? Maybe one day, you won't just be serving one student body but a whole community or nation na. hehe.

To Mami Paula Patungan, congratulations still for a job well done. God has indeed greater plans for you, I know. You're a strong person and I know this ain't gonna pull you down, kaw pa. We'll always be here for you and if you need one fidge, I'm just here. Lots of care mami Pau! Stay pretty. :)

And to all the candidates who got elected, a big big big congratulations to all of you. People voted all of you because they believe that you can do your duty well in your assigned positions. Do all your bests to keep your jobs okay? And to those who didn't make it, this is only the beginning. There are a lot of other opportunities out there. :)

Sigh. I'm soooo overwhelmed. I'm so overwhelmed coz election's over. I'm now gonna get a goodnight's sleep, and I'll be able to focus on my studies na, Yey. My voice is still playing somewhere I don't know and I hope the turd will come back before Monday.

Worst election. Finally. Tapos na.

***

b.u.s.y.

Much as I want to blog all day long, [I swear I will never ran out of thoughts lalo na ngayong schooldays], much as I want to clean the mess out of my room [daig na ang Payatas. Tsk.], much as I want to have my face and hair done, much as I want to get an over 8-hour goodnight sleep, much as I want to finish all my books, much as I want to go to the movies, much as I want to just go somewhere and shop or eat or whatever... HINDI TALAGA PWEDE.

Well, pwede naman. Only that I don't have the fuckin' friggin' time. TOXIC! Then there goes Britney Spears' toxic song in my backdrop. Eew.

According to the dictionary, Toxic means poisonous. But in student/worker lingo, toxic means work overload. And that's just what's happening to me at this very moment. Just when I was about to breathe easy coz election's ended, thoughts of all the works I left behind begun encroaching my brain and hell I don't even know what job to start.

Being a senior isn't all glitz and fun and all that you think a senior stude's having. Sure, you've got all the great privileges your lowerclassmen would take forever before having, but you're faced with lots of jobs and responsibilities. And it ain't easy coz people expect a lot of things from you. Better things. Greater things. And it's taking all the pressures up.

The only thing that makes this whole lot a bit lighter for me is the sweet company my friends are giving me. I love them. Plus the jamming with this certain band makes me feel so high all the time. Hah! Buti na lang nag-jam tayo yesterday-- we were able to let loose all that's eating us inside. Ye! Kuya "Jil's Musician" is soooo nice.

I miss Kaffi. I miss ate Andrea.

I miss Newton Batch 1 people. I hate snobs.

I love Chicken Soup books. Nakakarelate ako. Sobra.

Guys, magkano laughing gas? He-he-he.

***

Belated Happy Birthday DAD !

***

Wait. Wait. Wait. There's more...

Sweeter.

Just when we all thought everything's said and done, wait a minute. Coz there really is more.

First one off, a personalized scrapbook from Melanie. I love it. Melanie's so artistic. She really would do well in Fine Arts, you know. Anyway, I did something like this for her birthday as well but I made it thru a biiig card, not thru scrapbook. And guess what, honey, hers was better. ha-ha-ha! astig ka, Melanie.

Thanks Melanie!

I also got a pair of hoopies from Denise. Woo. Dagdag koleksyon!!! Thanks a bunch Denshee!!!

And cakes from Melanie and Bianca. I didn't expect that Bianca would actually give me something such as that. As in! Thanks so much tweeny!!! And thanks for the cake as well, Melanie!

The cakes were both lovely. Which, boo, explains the weird flab you see on my cheekies. :P

Cham gave me this necklace I was dying to have a few weeks ago. I never thought she would buy that for me. awww, chammy. Thanks a lot. I got no picture of it pero if you happen to see me walking along the corridor or somewhere, lagi ko suot yan. hehe :)

The best birthday ever!!!

***

Mom and Dad weren't here when I celebrated my birthday. Nevertheless, I thank God coz I got wondeful grandparents, cousins, and friends who chose to celebrate with me the best birthday so far in my life. :)

2007-06-17T04:39:00.000-07:00

Sweeeet.

Dan dan dan daaaaaaan....

Yuppee Duppee Yabbee Birthdeeeyy to Meeeeee!!!

It's the 17th of June, Sunday, 2007, and perhaps jillions of nutcrackers are celebrating their birthdays today, but amidst the ever-increasing population of our terrestrial exorbitant domicile or what could simply be called the Earth, some nation state known as Philippines, there is one creature, multi-faceted, that with the sole purpose stands out from all and sundry.

She is none other than, Miss Nudgehead herself, Fiona Megan Q. Decano.

"Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday to you... Happy birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy birthday to you..."

There goes the traditional song. And as I blow my candle, I am wishing these wishes I wish to wish at this very moment:

>>I wish I could pass the UPCAT, USTET, and ACET college entrance examinations so I could make my momma [and poppa] proud.

>>I wish the little man inside tita shao would stay safe and healthy coz I really want to have someone I can biologically call a sister or a brother.

>>I wish there would be no more fall outs and clashes this time around so when we graduate and bid our Alma Mater goodbye by March, we would be bringing a lot of good memories that truly deserve to be treasured.

>>I wish to be a good singer someday. [Maybe I"m gonna wish for Dad to enroll me at Center for Pop. Hehe]

>>I wish to graduate, of course.

>>I wish to have my own Mac book so that I wouldn't wait til' 5 in the afternoon to settle my projects and stuff.

>>I wish to excel in my studies.

>>I wish to see all my loved ones, be able to say sorry and thank them for everything,
before I die.

>>I wish to have Kaffi for my own. Ha-Ha-Ha. :P

>>I wish for world peace, and foy my friends and families' health

>>and I wish that my other personal wishes will also be considered by the birthday wish fairy.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooosh,,

Of course, a birthday post wouldn't be complete without the Thank Yous:

People who made my birthday really special:
Lola Laureana, Lolo Benny, Daddy Gee, Tita Shao, Mommy Mai, Leslie, Dessiree, Mark Phillip, Charmaine Mae, Erika, Armely, Jonvi, Kathleen Rose, Denise, Luisa, Rose Anne Unlayao, Rose Ann Ferrer, Lorena, twin Danica Bianca, Mami Paula, Dadi Chad, Jamy, Jazel, Veverly, Frances Jane, Kenneth Kevin, Louise Marie, Majie, Nico, Charlyn, Karissa, Renz, Timothy, Hedy, Crystal, May Anne, Makrinalyn, Charmaine, Melanie Bermachea, Ramon Carlos, Melanie Christy, Katherine Villaga, Triccie, Ariane, Rachelle Ynah, Rainier, Ivan, Arjune, Allen, Elmer, [yung DJ sa MOR], IV SD, IV SAG, Dominicans

GIFTS:

>>Artworks from Kathleen and Denise:

>>A cute chocolate cake from Armely:

>>A Bearhuggs bear from Renz: [He's no longer courting me, fyi.]

>>Moolah from dad:

$$$

>>Favorite foods from Lolo and lola:

>>I will no longer run in the elections--I consider it as a gift from Justin. Hehe.

>>Bati na kami ni Nico. Ha-Ha-Ha. :P

>>A 12am to 4am phone call from Jonvi

>>A sweet call from Cham:

>>A weird call from Dad: hehe.

>>Sweet text messages from friends, classmates, relatives, batch mates, and schoolmates.

>>Friendster and online greetings from friends and people I don't know. Haha.

>>A Victorian top I bought for myself.

A big big big thank you to all of you guys who remembered me, my birthday and everything. I"m really touched. As in sobra. I"ve never been this melodramatic in all my birthdays, I dunno, Maybe it’"s just the fact that it would be my last birthday na asa DS ako. Nudge, and to all of you that I forgot to point out, I really really am grateful that I have you as part of my life. I love you so much, guys!!! Thanks!!!

****

Quotable Quotes?

"kamukha mo si mam sarmiento pag makapal ang make up mo."

Damn Aj, Damn.

"wag kang patatalo. Kayanin mo. Lowerclass kasi sila eh, upperclass tayo."

Hindi damn, Jonvi, hindi damn.

Hehe.

***

2007-06-16T18:49:00.000-07:00

All Ends Well

Life's getting better and better for me. Yes, there are still trials and pains and stuff and all of that, but you know what, I learned that it is all just a matter of taking all of those as a motivation-- somewhat somewhere like the way you drink your required multivitamins; and of thinking as well that whatever bad stuff you're into right now, it is a hundred and nine percent sure that something good-- something more and better than you would expect, will happen.

The first week of classes left me unguarded with lots of foolhardy pain-in-ass stuff which literally made my life fall into transient disarray. People were taking me for granted, people were being so impudent, people were giving me lots of odd jobs, people were giving me lots of work and work and work which actually weren't appropriate for me, people were abusing, people were killing, people were going wild. I was, in all sense, being very uncompromising.

I found it hard to be flexible on things that needed so much flexibility on my part. I was all stressed up. Then a friend of mine told me to take things nice and slow-- to enjoy every single moment of my existence-- to relax-- to be strong.. [ahem, Hi Lui!] I took hold of her advises and put it all on me. I tried all my best, and right at this moment, I can say I am succeeding. And there's no way I would ever try to disregard the important things in my life especially my studies ever again.

Coz I know the price to pay...

Undeniably, the onset of my school year was a little hell-ish and out of hand, but as things take place and all, I found out that everything I found hell-ish first would eventually turn into something lovely.

Anyway, the day before my day, I had a reasonably great time with my friends yet again. Like boy, I've always been this same old turd who would for eternity feel the need to go out and have fun with these people. It's like they're my comfort sanctuary, more or less.

And I consider it as one of human's basic necessities.

I have a lot of friends and I never did become ashamed of it, I'm happy and proud that even if I have friends that I hardly ever get the chance to talk to as often or as much as time would allow us to, they still stay the same as how I've met them and you just know you can count on them anytime.

At any rate, I met a new friend yesterday. We met a new friend yesterday. and you guys would get to know now our new friend as well.

Everyone...

Meet Kaffi, the coffee dog. :P [Kaffi is a she okay?]

You see, Kaffi and I became all inseparable at once... Like we just knew it. ha-ha!

She became the best playfellow I've ever met. She's sweet, and F-U-N's all I could see in her.

siigh... I miss this bitch.

***

Have A Break, Have a Kicaco

Endorsers ng kape. tsk.

"close you eyes, okay, yeah.. that's it.. Okay, stay still... Oops that's too much. A'right, now that's perfect.."

See what I'm talking about? That's why I love my friends so much. :)

***

Hey, BIG FAT LIAR:

I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. Everybody was telling me not to believe a single word from you, since you tend to make things up-- making bad things worse and the worse, worst. I must say, liar, YOU'RE A GOOD ACTRESS. You cried in front of us for us to what, pity you? then believe whatever you're blabbing about? Pfft. Don't be stupid. I never wished for any misunderstandings and stuff this year and please don't ever try to make one again. MUNTIK NA, liar. Muntik na.

And you know what, THAT'S IT. I've had enough. I don't want to try to believe or trust you ever again. Never again will you fill lies in my head. Never again will you make us believe that you are the protagonist of every scene. Never again will you make us fall into your decieving trap.

Save all that crap for yourself. It's your vitamin right? It may solve your biggest problem right now-- your undernourishment state.

Zip your mouth now. So you will not ruin lives.

Fake. Bitch. Liar.

***

Sorry, like JP said, I am very vocal and straightforward. I just need to let things out. :)

2007-06-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

2007-06-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

Psst.

Ehy guys, just a short one.

I won't be blog hopping for a little while except for these people's blogs: "Dimple Overhill of Nobottle SweetCheeks", "Sassy-lilmaldeetuh", "Rockerghal", "Bangsynah", and "SistaChummy"

I'm really busy and I don't know when would this saddle vanish or if it would ever go away with the wind. Damn it.

I'll be editing this one once hindi na ako ganun ka-toxic.

Thanksabunch!

***
Psst.

I added something na... here:

I want to back off.

Frances, after all, was right when she said that that stupid election's nothing but a complete fraud. It's all a game of popularity, man; and I, not that I'm scared of losing or anything, really want to call it all off in the elections since it won't do me any good in the long run anyway [well except for the EC points you may get, but hell you don't even know if you're gonna win it or not]. Plus focusing on your academics is way better than engaging on some kind of blimey fraudulent fame competition.

Why am I being odious at this suddenly? Simple. It's because I got pissed. I got pissed by both parties this afternoon. I'm not mad or anything with these running presidents- just that blah blah blah--apparently blah blah blah are things that are not accessible to the public eye. Tsk. Basta, naasar talaga ako.

Anyway, I got to see Sir Chan for the first time-- this school year-- at class this morning. It's weird coz even if it is already more than five days since the start of the whole school year; it was only today that I got to see this ever neat-looking witty weirdo Physics man. And our campus ain't that big! Okay. You bet, he hasn't changed a bit! And he didn't grow an inch taller. Ha-ha. Now it's my turn to do the ragging Mister Jupri Tsan. Ha-di-ha!

Sir.

If you don't mind...

Are you pregnant?

Hahahahahahahahhahahaahhahaahahahhaha!!! =D

Enough. Enough. Enough. Coz I gotta admit, I missed him! The fact that we're on the same family tree but both fixated on unlike and distant branches, I still couldn't help but miss him for roughly two years of him not entering our room or him not handling our Science grades—which I am expecting, presently, to be higher than what I had some ages ago.

Anyway, I am itching to start our investigatory project. Woo!

Gumaganda raw ako sabi ni Miss Cecil.
Ang kinis daw ng skin ko sabi ni Melanie Ber at Triccie.
Blooming daw ako pag naka-contacts sabi ni Eka.

Ahahahaha!!!

A'right, amma go now since I need to finish loads of things needed and required in school. And this I'm gonna tell you once, I am so enjoying every single thing I am doing even if it would mean adversity on my part.

And I know I'm not missing any thing bout it.

2007-06-12T05:11:00.000-07:00

[edited]

Iskarsiti daw

Sir Greg is infatuation. Sir Gregorio is love. Sir Gregorio Baldelomar is the man.

First of all, I don't get it why people tend to get afraid of him [and to Mrs. Valle as well]; all of this weird stooping and all-- it's not like they're gonna eat you or something. Well, you've got nothing to be afraid of anyway unless you've done something seriously wrong or you didn't follow one or two of their rules. But above all, they're harmless. And I love'em. Sir Greg most especially. [EXCLUDE valle. haha.]

Darn this son of a brainy dogmatic dude. Seemingly forty-something-year of age, I can see his shadow self as someone who's read a lot of books-- maybe he's got one huge library at home or something with all these information-beaming tomes and stuff--, as someone who perceptibly, I suppose, is a coffee man pictured with newspaper in both hands, as someone who's meeting a lot of intellectual people sitting atop of their own expertise everyday though you won't see him actually going out and meeting whoever extraordinaire up and yahoo-ing his students for not being around and all-- boy, you can always see him doing his rounds like Sr. Goretti, with all her respect, during his free periods, and as someone who's taught a lot of things to his offspring [to his children: Kuya Noel, Ate Grace, and the others, if there's any]

He's more of a professor than a teacher to me. He can be a philosopher-slash-logician. He can be a public prosecutor. He can be Mr. Bean, in all sense. He can be Spiderman. And he can be our country's next president. Seriously. Being opinionated and on a tight rein, I know he can be. Just eliminate he's being slouchy. Ha-Ha.

Anyway, he's teaching us Economics IV. Damn it. It's just the onset of the whole unit and I now feel that my head is being sliced by a razor-sharp scalpel. I don't wanna have nervous tensions right now and for the rest of the year-- hopefully, for crying out loud. Don't make me get those GNP, GDP, CP-what?, IR, taxations and stuff. Damn it. And that Adam Smith guy? Damn him.

Ha-Ha-Ha! =D

Ang dali-dali ng Math. Ha-Ha!

***

Do you know why I seem to be avoiding you these days? it's because nilalayo mo sarili mo sakin. There was a time and it was Friday, you-- you...--. I got really affected by that sole action of yours though you've been doing that since last year. I just can't take it. I want to be close to you and know things about you but damn it, reality check, I don't know a single thing about what's going on with your life at the moment. I am not asking a single thing about you. But do I still need to ask?

All those things that are bothering and affecting me emotionally, ikaw lang ang may alam. Coz I trust you more than any fucktard in this world. But it seems like I'm coming out being the selfish bitch. I wanna feel that I am a best friend. Or if not, kahit friend man lang.

Yes dear, nagtatampo ako.

nagtatampo lang ako.

***

EXCUSE ME FOR THE SHORTS POSTS I AM AND WILL BE MAKING OKAY? The school load is already taking its toll and I've got to get along nicely with it.

Much love, nudgeheads. :)

2007-06-11T02:54:00.000-07:00

Pugad Baboy

Una sa lahat, gusto kong ipaalam sa inyo na kanina pa ako lumalamon ng peanut butter sandwhich dito sa harap ng kompyuter ko. Mantakin mo, kalahati na lang yung natira dun sa isang pack ng butter loaf bread na kakabili lang kanina. Hindi na ako magtataka kung masikip na naman yung uniform ko bukas. Naman, tignan mo ko! dali! lapit pa. O diba ang taba taba na naman ng mukha ko. Mukha ko lang tumataba hindi yung katawan ko, pochak naman. O siya sige, magpapaalam muna ako sandali. Pasensya ka na, kaibigan. Gutom pa ko e.

***

Thanks for the nice poopwork, Denise!!!

***

You, You, yes YOU! Gimme a dorky suprise party, okay?! hahahahahahaha!!!! :D

with lots of food.

2007-06-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

I am a Newton Kid.

Go find me. Go find FIONA.

It's been two months since the Newton Review ended and now I couldn't help but get all nostalgic about the same stuff all over again. These past few days, we were bumping along our former reviewmates checking what's up and stuff and boy, how we wish we could turn back time.

Nobody in our batch [Batch 1] wants to join the Campus Tour next week. It's sad coz it would be the last occasion that we'd all be together again--say reunion in some sense, and we're all just letting it pass like an insignificant baloney. Plus in our so-called refreshers that we would be taking up before any of our CETs, we wouldn't be with the same people we've been with during the summer review. Bummer.

We were also informed that those tests we took during the review have been mailed to our parents/guardians already. Well until now, as my folks claim, they still haven't received a single item yet. Okay, so unlike the majority, I am not worried. Yes, I'm saying I should guard our goddamned gate as well or curse the mailman or threaten him and stuff, uff, all for crying out loud. Anyway, if truth be actually told, I'd want them to see my test results. I want them to realize that I am serious and not doing any stuff that won't do well to me. Let's say, it's my fair means of gaining their trust.

Anyway, there is something I wanna say to this batch mate of mine who happens to be one of the brainiacs I am dying to beat this year:

Girl, you don't know how lucky you are to have a lot friends around you. Sure you have all the riches in life and you easily get what you want, but when was the last time you've been grateful to these things? I was idolizing you then for being this strong-willed, hidebound, austere yet witty person you still are up to this time. But lately, I'm finding out that man, you can be worse than I do when it comes to certain things. Honey, there is one person out there who cares a lot about you because she still considers you as a friend, and you don't even notice it coz you are too blinded by all the good lights beaming at you. It's true that you were good friends before and yes you had a lot of misunderstandings. But you know what, this girl doesn't seem to mind what went before coz what matters for her is the camaraderie formed between the two of you. It's just disappointing that you have to disregard her of your life. You have changed, dear.

Wanna know if this is you?! Hit me. Ask me personally, or contact me. And I'll tell you.

***
I'm excited for this week. I'm itching for workload. Ha-di-ha. For all I care, baby.

2007-06-10T05:22:00.000-07:00

Caffeine Overdose

It seems like the coffee I am drinking as I type this has more caffeine molecules than usual coz I'm all jittery and paranoid. But this wouldn't just prevent me from sipping through my coffee cup-- Hell, this is my yoga alternative.

I don't know if my high intake of caffeine has something to do with this nonstandard edginess I'd always feel towards almost everything that I'm about to do or doing or something. Odd. It's odd coz I've known myself for not being this kind of shaky hysterical person. See, every morning, the past week, I'd get really all wobbly whenever I enter the class and all for no apparent reason. Pathetic. I know.

That's why it's weird, bucko.

And you know what; I could drink ten cups of espresso in a day and still get a well-deserved eight-hour good night sleep. I dunno. It's my milk proxy, I guess.

Since I am in all probability having a caffeine overdose, I might as well reduce my caffeine intake. Ditch the on-ice drinks, chillers, hot cups, and all that and stick with hot green tea for the meantime. I'd get back fully to my caffeine world once this whole college entrance examination thing is over.

Downside is, by November or December pa matatapos tong entrance exams na to! Pak.

Speaking of CETs, I now have the application forms needed to take the UPCAT, thanks to my trusted friends Kathleen and Lorena. We are only required to fill up Form 1 since Form 2 is solely for whoever school administrator's assigned to do the work.

I wasn't really giving my full attention to these forms since the deadline would still be on Friday-- and I've got all the time to do this filling up thing.

A'right, I don't really want to make a fuss about it but when my eyes got tempted and my hands got all itchy and since I had nothing better to do this afternoon, I grabbed the free pen from my Seventeen Mag and filled up some stuff in Form 1. Everything was going really great and simple and easy but when I flipped the form over, I could swear I saw blood trickling down my face. Okay, okay, I'm exaggerating. But it's true that it got me boggled and all. Like I didn't have the slightest idea of what to write down there and regardless of my one-hundred-fifty-eight-thousand-page mind vocab, I still didn't have a single idea what those terms mean. Aye, Aye, can I phone a friend?

Anyway, Dad told me that he wants me to enroll in a belly dancing lesson/class/whatever. Just in time when I, together with some of my girl friends, are planning to join up a kick-boxing lesson, Pilates, Belly dancing, or Gym workout. We still haven't decided yet. But we're prioritizing a Gym membership-- just to tone up muscles and all, y'know.

Plus just imagining myself belly dancing with all the Indian costumes you have to wear... I am so goin to throw up NOW. Blech. Hahaha. I'd rather see myself belting out some tune at Center for Pop or simply sing a Kelly Clarkson's song at Kodak Theater [lang naman] than doing those wormy blimey dance. Seriously.

Right.

It's a family frustration. Nobody's admitting it. But it's an obvious frustration.

My dad sings well. He can go from Josh Groban to James Ingram to Martin Nievera to Elton John to Elvis Presley and all. I mean, it all seemed like he was already singing at the time my paternal grandmother brought him out into this world. And as far as I'm concerned, his talent never tainted a bit-- it's just getting better and better. And for which I can say it is really from my Dad that I got my passion in singing.

My uncles can sing. My first cousin Mark sings as well. Even my paternal grandfather can also sing. I mean the DECANO kith and kin are definitely all but a bunch of singers. Just that, the talents can only go from bathroom concerts to church singing to band and wedding singing and to videoke escapades only. The only difference is that nobody's criticizing, just admiring. Nobody seems to want to broaden the exposure of their talents except for me.

And as much as I want to be a singer and have my own album, I just can't. Coz I tend to get jittery when I sing.. BLAME THE CAFFEINE OVERDOSAGE.

But when I go to college, makikita niyo. Makikita niyo. MAKIKITA NIYO.

***

THANK YOU SO MUCH KATHLEEN ROSE RAYOS !!!

You're the best, dude. Take care!!! ♥

^First greeting for Nudgehead's Day came from her. And she did it the special way. Awwww. I'll remember that. =p Always.

2007-06-09T16:39:00.000-07:00

Bummer

Grandma doesn't want me to attend my father's wedding. Right. I understand granma, but Dad's right! I am his daughter and I have the right to know and be there to stand by him. Granma thinks that all this wedding stuff is all but a total indignity and that Dad would take me away from them. Okay, I know my Dad. He's brought up in a very good family, so I know he wouldn't just do that. I chose to be with my grandparents and Dad respected that decision I've made ever since without any quarries and stuff.

And the point is, I'm all okay with this whole wedding thing.

I'm sure grandma would get around soon. She just need some time to think things. Like, life must go on for both Mom and Dad and that the whole world shouldn't be stuck in the same old situation 'til they die.

So here's a message for my Dad:
Dad, do what you have to do there. We'll be fine here, don't worry. Always keep in mind that I'll always be here to support you all the way. Take care and give my regards to Tita Shao and to our little man. Love yah.

***
Lots

I had a mega-stressful week, dear Lord. And the real thing wasn't even on yet! How much more when it all starts? Woo. Scary.

Lui's right. [Hi Lui!] I'm gonna get wrinkles by the end of June if I won't relax and take things little by little. Okay. Breathe in. Breathe out. One. Two. Three. Breathe in... Breathe out... Two .. Three... that's right. Oh, Lui you're really good. Haha!

So maybe I just need to lighten up a bit and do things progressively. I'll try to take away the pressure and maybe enjoy every little thing I do, besides, it's my final year in DS. Naaah.. I prefer saying final year in HIGH SCHOOL than DS. Blech.

Oh, by the way, there's this girl who happens to be a batch mate and classmate of mine that is really getting to my nerves. I know every one in SAG and SD would positively agree with me when I say, SHE'S A BIG FAT [damn, she doesn't even have a single flab on her body!] LIAR!!!! I'm sorry for the rudeness but it's true.

She will pretend to have this and that even if she doesn't have a single idea about it. Darn. She's been like that since elementary and boy, I'm telling you, you wouldn't know when she's gonna tell the truth. I'm sorry, I don't hate her, I just don't like her attitude. See, if ever I'd bump along a magical genie and he would give me a chance to choose what to eradicate in this world, I would undoubtedly choose liars. [But that wouldn't do any good since all of us here are liars] okay, so maybe I would just say-- or choose, those liars who lie most of the time just to brag, or kill, or win, and stuff. You know what I mean. Aye, I just can't stand this kind of people.

Anyhow, did you know that I'll be running as Treasurer HS in the coming DS SSG Elections 07? And that my opponent would be Justin Tumanan? Hah. Partida.

Ma'am Valle even asked me to run as President, but there's no way I'm gonna compete with Paula. Besides, it would obviously be Paula in the end, no doubt. And I think it's really unfair that Paula got to choose who will be on her party whereas on the other, Ma'am Valle did the choosing.

I'm saying that DS politics can also be dirty as a mud-packed boogery rotten shoe.

And I'm thinking of backing out. Seriously.

***
Thanks to Cham and Eka, again. I had a great time. Really. Love you so much, girls!!!

2007-06-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

You should make me happy now.

I wasn't expecting that yesterday would be the most derelict day so far that I'd have this year. It was entirely ruined I could almost kill myself. I was pissed off and I was pissing other people off as well.

A mass full of slip-ups. A bitch asking me to join the election. A guy I thought was kind enough to be KIND, turned out to be the greatest in-disguise loser I've ever met. The same guy I was crushing on gave me ten full reasons not to like him and now I hate him. A girl who happens to be one of my closest friends begun to ignore and avoid me again for some reason I don't even know. Tidied up the classroom all by myself first then when my group mates came, they begun complaining and stuff when they didn't seem to have the right to complain, for crying out loud. We were scrubbing the floor when the rain started pouring down and we all had to hurry up. Isolation while waiting for a ride. Caught in heavy traffic. A guy I was expecting to come didn't show up. A text message from a cousin pissed me off. A text message from Dad about mom got me more pissed. A hacked email account. Personal blogs I had for almost a year were gone. Lights went off. Someone I rang hung up instantly. Chest pains killing me. Tummy churning.

I felt really messed up. It took me awhile to calm down and boy, it was an arduous process. But thanks for the Muncher and coffee that I am munching and sipping as I type this, I am now looking at the brighter side of the whole lot. It's good that I have a new one--a new blog.. So I won't have to go online again and ruin my schedule or things-to-do list unless I'd have to update this blog coz I'm still deciding whether to open a new multi account. Basta I'm gonna concentrate here muna.

So I'm gonna stop here since I really have to get ready now. I'm gonna meet my friends in a short while, and I'm gonna story tell later. Bye.

2007-06-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

Gemini

Sweaty, messed-up, and wasted from school, I stood there waiting long-sufferingly for Leslie to arrive. I checked my mobile phone for time and I realized I've been standing there for 27 minutes flat. Checking my phone time and again was rather frustrating; I was growing impatient every second. For which I thought Leslie should understand how every second really counts by then. Then chucked the thought realizing I could have been worse.

I keenly monitored every passenger jeepney that was passing by the main road-- I was begging Him for me to see a Maja Salvador look-alike somewhere, somehow, among the passengers. But instead, out of nowhere, there emerged two souls wearing shirts of the same color, for which my eyes took a few seconds before it adjusted to the real sight.

I wasn't dreaming.

It was him, plus her. Shock was eating my body drastically and I begun to walk away-- or what could have been more stupid. I was hearing his voice calling my name, and I knew we were making a scene-- a scene that was amusing the eyes of the onlookers.

I couldn't look him straight in the eyes. I didn't know what to feel. There was the anger, the delight, shame, and all of that. I wasn't really talking to him-- I was-- but I can-t seem to find the push for that. Good thing there was his friend to save me.

Then she said:
"Uy, Fiona, lam mo ba dito na siya mag-aaral"

I said: "Oh, bakit?"

Her: "Dahil sa'yo"

"tsk. Hay nku, wag nga kau."

"totoo. Pakita mo nga.."

Then HE showed me something to which supported what they were telling me. They were serious. But I was in denial.

"Wag niyo nga kong lokohin"

Him: "Sinundan kita. hehe. "

Then from a sight, I saw a small group of Lycenians walking towards us, and then I saw Leslie. They went up the bus and I followed.

"Ba't ka bumaba [ng baguio] ?" I said through the bus window.

"PARA NGA SAYO!" he said at the top of his voice. And onlookers got even more mesmerized.

They went on their way, and I sunk in my seat crying. How could I've been so stupid?! He gave up his cool schoolife there for me. FOR ME. I mean, he was a having a damn great LIFE! Damn. This guy keeps on confusing me.

But I was and still touched. I made a complete turd out of him while he, I realized later, never did anything to show deeds of bitching me and all.

I'm so mean. And I'm a bad bad person. I have things crowding my already manipulated mind. One is, am I confusing everything for nothing? Damn.

I need to talk him again. And seriously this time.

Words of wisdom from my board of trustees:

''I guess for him, life in SLU in Baguio hasn't been the same without you, thus left it to see you again. Insane? Tanga? Crazy? Crazy as it may be, but he's a crazy ass just to see you. But it wasn't your fault; it was his decision to do so. Wanna end the confusion? Follow what your heart tells you Megs.''
~Melz

For JP, THANKS. Andami nun eh. Hehehe. Doumo Arigatou!

***
>> Mam Sarm's punishing me. Lots of things to do, man.

>> I'm rather sleepy and hungry now.