Long Gone Family Picture & Accepted Reality



I can't believe how immediate we flip our calendars over for month changeovers. I mean, it's already May, and can you just believe how swift April was! It's already May [wish I could pause the number flow, you know], and I've got a few things to deal with. Most would probably those emotional things again, hypothetically.

In a few weeks, I will be moving out away from home to chase and work hard for my dreams. It feels sad that I have to live away from these people, my grandparents and cousins, whom I've felt the most comfortable to live with. It feels sad that I have to be away from home. Even if there are loads of things that's so depressing sometimes about home, I'll always love it coz I know I'll always be a part of it.

Thinking past imaginations into reality, I haven't really gone greens with the issues and more issues I have with my family. Maybe because I haven't been thinking about it until now. Until now that it is already May, and mother's day's looming around, and things are starting to change and people are learning to get accustomed to changes.

I don't have the perfect family. Not in a million trillion zillion years. It's been years since Mom and Dad's wedding got annulled. In fact, Mom's going to marry Randy already this August and Dad already has his own family with Tita Shao, his new wife, and Jari, their child.

I still have my own share of childhood memories with Mom and Dad that are so vivid up till now. But those are just memories now, you know. I was in grade school when they got separated. As a young introverted kid, it was difficult for me to deal with the separation. I never showed them how hurtful it was for me. I was always ''yeah, it's okay--I'm fine'' well in truth, I wasn't. I never spoke up, I tried not to show them the tears-- the tears that never ceased flowing when I locked up alone in my room.



To both of them, I was the most understanding child. That it wasn't really a big deal for me, though it really was. I remember the first time Mom introduced Randy to me. I had just arrived in her condo and I saw the guy's picture. I was waiting for mom to tell me the truth. The truth I was dying to hear ever since I knew that the ''baby'' thing in her phone calls wasn't just someone's name. I remember that scene, I was sitting in her bed, and she was staring at the window, then she told me everything about the new guy.

I was supposed to cry hearing the irrefutable truth. But I remember keeping the pain to myself and told her, with a faint and fake smile, ''okay lang, may itsura siya.'',. I was holding back the heartbreaking emotion. That same night, we went to Subic to finally meet Randy in person. He was so tall and manly. And he was so affectionate to me and mom. But I was full of hatred to him.

I never liked Randy, much as I love my tita Shao. I don't know. When Dad first introduced me personally to Tita Sharon, I remember feeling so delighted and happy. So different from the feeling I felt when I met Randy. Maybe because by the time I met Tita Shao, I already had better understanding, have already accepted the whole reality and have moved on.

When I met Tita Sharon, I knew it was going to be her. I knew Dad deserves her. And I felt extremely happy when they finally tied the knot last August.

I may be a product of a broken family but who cares? I still am my own person now, and if not for this, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today.

The only thing that's adding to my frustration, now that I'm drawing close to the end of my teenage years, is that Mom and I seem to get worse and worse. You see, Mom and I have endless, unresolved, stupid issues. Most are small, immature rather, issues gone big. When I think about it, it's saddening. It feels sad that while most teens my age are close to their moms, even best friends with them, I'm a partial stranger to my own and vice versa. But see, despite of the painful stuff, words, or deeds she's given to me, she will always be my mother and I know she will always love me as I will love her always.

Whatever happens, she's still my Mom. I think it's about time to move on, let it all pass and just go with the flow. Especially now that I've grown tired of us in dispute. And for this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of sending her flowers. Something I haven't done before. It's also my way of making it up to her for literally forgetting to greet her during her birthday last Feb. Go figure. Oh well, wish me luck. :)

In a few weeks time, I will be packing my things and move out here to LG and live with my cousin Kathleen. There are oodles of things to do for this whole college and moving out thing. So again, wish ''May'' luck!