Where have you been, Nudgehead

I do believe that good things come when you least expect it or, at least, at some stage in the most ghastly circumstances of your life ever. I have been, in the past few weeks, in waves of euphoria, several disappointments, and unexpected disasters, but see, I'm still here kicking and still in utmost bewilderment. Phew.

Okay, last last week, I got an enrollment confirmation for BS Biology [can u still remember? Haha]. We tried pushing our littlest luck for AB but to no avail [yet]. So I only got bio in hand to secure a place in UST. Apparently, I was able to enroll myself on time for Bio and in fact had been almost ready for June by then. I was happy being a legitimate Thomasian finally, but it was not easy shrugging off the fact that I never liked being in Bio in the first place, for being in Bio settles my future as a Med student-- which I certainly know is not where I see myself after graduating in college. Since I thought there's nothing I can do but acknowledge my fate, I tried accepting my doom with white uniform neatly draped in clear plastic on my right arm, and moved on with life.

After the enrollment, I went to province to fix some things I left there. Unfortunately, a day after my arrival, an unanticipated mega-storm hit the province like unforgiving drug-induced psycho assassin, dubbed Cosme. Imagine, I was there right then and there when roofs were flying like huge migratory birds, when trees and plants were being rooted out like tumbling bowling pins, when the second level of our house were going ballistic as we feared the worst, when it felt like tomorrow would never come to us as the night seem to go in a very dawdling pace,.. Yes, I was there. I was in Pangasinan. And I was scared. It was traumatic.

When morning came, going outside was even scarier. The sight of the storm's aftermath was unbearable. The once happy and peaceful town became a ghost town in just one night. It was as if I wasn't in the place I thought I was. It made us all cry. What happened ruined our hearts.

I haven't recovered yet from another traumatic experience, when I received a message from Dad saying I needed to go back to the city right away. I was livid. I was livid by how inconsiderate these people were, they didn't have any idea how difficult living had become for us and how difficult it was as well to revamp the damages. But I had no choice but return to Manila right away.

I was asked to go to UST to, for the last time, try for a slot in the AB college. Unfortunately, College of Commerce turned me down for there were no more slots available. When we decided to try for Arts and Letters, we were asked to talk to the assistant dean. Of course, that was luck. When I got to talk to Mam Tabirara, AB's assistant dean, gates of the good heavens opened like kaboom!. Since there were no more slots available for ComArts, the one I want to pursue if ever I got in in AB, the only choices I had were Sociology, Literature, Economics, Philosphy, and Legal Management. I weighed Economics and Legal Management. But since I considered LegMa right from the beginning, I didn't hesitate.

So there you go, after working for my transfer in AB, I'm now an official Artlet-- signed Fiona Megan Q. Decano, AB Legal Management. Does that scare me?? HAHA. I know, I know, Biology is royal. But see, I can't be anymore happier.

So I guess this is Goodluck to me now. Haha.

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Pers Day ni Kolehiyala.

Awakened by the annoying sound of my cousin's phone alarm, I groggily forced myself to get up and prepare for an important appointment someplace that day-- an appointment that would soon commence the new and unbelievable installment of my life. It was June 11, it was Wednesday, it was a sleepy morning.. and it was the first day of classes in the royal and pontifical university.

The jeep ride that morning gave me all the unnecessary jitters and butterflies I hated. Probably because it was my first day as a college stude, and two, I really didn’t know what to expect. My heart felt like a mini bass drum being beaten by a mad drummer as I walk along the streets heading to UST.

I felt like my soul was being drawn out of my body as I see lots and lots of unfamiliar faces around me when I arrived at the university. That was hyperbole, of course and lasted only about a nanosecond or two, but see, I'm being honest when I tell you I was really scared at first. Come on! It was a whole new environment and no more lower classmen greeting me ''Hi Ate!'' , no people to ask for stupid questions who will laugh with you, and no one to talk to for chikashings before going to class unlike in Dominican School.

That made me miss my high school again. Awww.

But anyways, I went to my building and to my room, and did my best to try intermingle with the new people I'd be with for the next 4 years. Apparently, I wasn't able to really talk to everyone or made new friends right away. Medyo tinamaan ako ng pagka-timid ko. HAHA. I remember being bothered by how everyone was almost friends with everyone while I was just sitting there. [Which wasn't a big deal at all, really.]

Dismissal that day was scheduled 11am and my PE class would be by 3pm. I was indecisive whether I'd attend my PE orientation or not. But yeah, apparently I did.

And thank God I did.

I was able to meet new friends there and frankly, I enjoyed my PE class more than my first day with the block that day. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because PE requires me no pressure at all unlike in 1LM4 where pressure is painted everywhere. Figures. But dont get me wrong. 1LM4 still rocks. :P

Anyway, in entirety, I survived the first day! And the next day.. and the next! For now, I’m still adjusting. COLLEGE is really difficult. I realized that if you're weak, you'll be dead or you're doomed. But it's also one hell of a roller coaster ride. Maybe it’s a little scary at first, but see..

College isn’t bad after all! :)

*****
VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

My dear bloggy is IN for the CandyBlog awards Finals.. so..

VOTE BLISSFUL CHANTING for BEST WRITTEN BLOG and BEST OVERALL BLOG at the CandyBlog Awards on http://candymag.com/

To Vote, LOG IN or Register first then vote here: http://candymag.com/blogawards/vote
Just look for Blissful Chanting under the aforementioned categories and click submit if you think my blog deserves it. Goodluck to us all Finalists!@


Mwah. :)

Of Happiness and Dreams
All can and may dream all things in life. Some could possibly reach beyond their sought after success, and some fail owing to lack of determination and piece of luck. But does it really matter? Does it really matter if you get all you want or not?

I know people who are already at the peak of their own successes but when they're asked if that's really what they have always wanted in life, most would come back with a big EN-OW, no. Most would say, they like the life they're living now but it's not really what they've always wanted. It's not really what would make them jump up and down like happy kids on trampoline.

I think one of the most vital questions in life is: AM I HAPPY?.. How one could possibly go through life lonesome is entirely unattainable. I realized that wanting to possess the best Barbie doll in the entire class back in pre-school was something that could make me the happiest kid in town. And at this moment, dreaming of having the best even not the perfect life in the near future is what would make me truly happy in heart and soul.

We keep on dreaming, we keep on planning our uncertain future, we keep on working hard for it, and we keep on pursuing. We all yearn for success, and even if happiness is just a portion of that, it is the most brilliant aspiration of all, it is what matters most.

I guess dreaming or wanting is not the key here. But pursuing your real happiness is.

And you know what would make me the happiest nudgehead alive in cyberworld? THAT IS A LITTLE FAVOR FROM YOU:

Just go to http://www.candymag.com/, log in or register then,

proceed to http://www.candymag.com/blogawards/vote , under the Best Written Blog category, look for BLISSFUL CHANTING, select, then click the submit button.

Oh by the way, on Friday, I'm going to UST for my Bio Enrollment. Apparently, that AB assistant dean advised us that I enroll first in Bio then if my name would appear on some list [what list ?!] the AB would release by May 21, then I shall pull out my Bio enrollment and pursue AB. Phew. Explained it way simple but it is way way WAY complicated actually.

Thank you so much, and stay happy. Ü

To all the precious women on Earth


Let's admit it, they are the most precious women in this world. No one could ever top all the hardships they've gone through for us to witness our very own existence here. We owe them everything. No matter how annoying they can be, they will always be that one person we would run to in times of need. No matter how much pain we've caused them, they will always be that person who would never cease to accept us with open arms.

Their love is immeasurable. No love by a lover, or by a best friend, can ever beat the love our mothers are giving to us. We are the best thing that has ever happened to their lives and they would do anything to protect us.

A simple greeting and some gesture wouldn't be enough to give them back all the love for all these years. But one thing's for sure, as long as we keep on loving them and being the best person we could be, it could mean everything for them.

So for all the great mothers out there,

16 and a quarter years ago, there exist no nudgehead yet, no blissful chanting to read, no boo boo, but someone so special, so gorgeous, and loving, endured everything, sacrificed everything just to give this nudgee a chance to see the world,-- for her lifetime to see, for her lifetime to bear.

This someone so special, who I owe my life, is no other than my own mother. My mother who has been, for me, one of the most gorgeous women alive in her early 40s [as I type this anyway].

I admit that my mom and I haven't been the perfect team, we argue, we fight, we cry, and have been causing so much pain to each other but see, even if we always have these dim issues, we are so not the near-perfect worst mother and daughter. We still have our happy moments. We still laugh like crazy people, we shop like crazy people, and we somehow bond like crazy people.

Even if at some point in my life I've said how I hate my mom, I know in my heart that I couldn't possibly hate her. I mean, she's given almost everything for me, her only child. And I know no one could ever love me so much than my own mother.

You will always be my mom... I love you so much.

Long Gone Family Picture & Accepted Reality



I can't believe how immediate we flip our calendars over for month changeovers. I mean, it's already May, and can you just believe how swift April was! It's already May [wish I could pause the number flow, you know], and I've got a few things to deal with. Most would probably those emotional things again, hypothetically.

In a few weeks, I will be moving out away from home to chase and work hard for my dreams. It feels sad that I have to live away from these people, my grandparents and cousins, whom I've felt the most comfortable to live with. It feels sad that I have to be away from home. Even if there are loads of things that's so depressing sometimes about home, I'll always love it coz I know I'll always be a part of it.

Thinking past imaginations into reality, I haven't really gone greens with the issues and more issues I have with my family. Maybe because I haven't been thinking about it until now. Until now that it is already May, and mother's day's looming around, and things are starting to change and people are learning to get accustomed to changes.

I don't have the perfect family. Not in a million trillion zillion years. It's been years since Mom and Dad's wedding got annulled. In fact, Mom's going to marry Randy already this August and Dad already has his own family with Tita Shao, his new wife, and Jari, their child.

I still have my own share of childhood memories with Mom and Dad that are so vivid up till now. But those are just memories now, you know. I was in grade school when they got separated. As a young introverted kid, it was difficult for me to deal with the separation. I never showed them how hurtful it was for me. I was always ''yeah, it's okay--I'm fine'' well in truth, I wasn't. I never spoke up, I tried not to show them the tears-- the tears that never ceased flowing when I locked up alone in my room.



To both of them, I was the most understanding child. That it wasn't really a big deal for me, though it really was. I remember the first time Mom introduced Randy to me. I had just arrived in her condo and I saw the guy's picture. I was waiting for mom to tell me the truth. The truth I was dying to hear ever since I knew that the ''baby'' thing in her phone calls wasn't just someone's name. I remember that scene, I was sitting in her bed, and she was staring at the window, then she told me everything about the new guy.

I was supposed to cry hearing the irrefutable truth. But I remember keeping the pain to myself and told her, with a faint and fake smile, ''okay lang, may itsura siya.'',. I was holding back the heartbreaking emotion. That same night, we went to Subic to finally meet Randy in person. He was so tall and manly. And he was so affectionate to me and mom. But I was full of hatred to him.

I never liked Randy, much as I love my tita Shao. I don't know. When Dad first introduced me personally to Tita Sharon, I remember feeling so delighted and happy. So different from the feeling I felt when I met Randy. Maybe because by the time I met Tita Shao, I already had better understanding, have already accepted the whole reality and have moved on.

When I met Tita Sharon, I knew it was going to be her. I knew Dad deserves her. And I felt extremely happy when they finally tied the knot last August.

I may be a product of a broken family but who cares? I still am my own person now, and if not for this, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today.

The only thing that's adding to my frustration, now that I'm drawing close to the end of my teenage years, is that Mom and I seem to get worse and worse. You see, Mom and I have endless, unresolved, stupid issues. Most are small, immature rather, issues gone big. When I think about it, it's saddening. It feels sad that while most teens my age are close to their moms, even best friends with them, I'm a partial stranger to my own and vice versa. But see, despite of the painful stuff, words, or deeds she's given to me, she will always be my mother and I know she will always love me as I will love her always.

Whatever happens, she's still my Mom. I think it's about time to move on, let it all pass and just go with the flow. Especially now that I've grown tired of us in dispute. And for this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of sending her flowers. Something I haven't done before. It's also my way of making it up to her for literally forgetting to greet her during her birthday last Feb. Go figure. Oh well, wish me luck. :)

In a few weeks time, I will be packing my things and move out here to LG and live with my cousin Kathleen. There are oodles of things to do for this whole college and moving out thing. So again, wish ''May'' luck!