Secured, Less Assured [Wth?!]

It's an assortment of all the feelings I could ever assume, or feel rather, whenever I think of all the good things unfurling drastically in my almost platonic life these past couple of weeks. Imagine surpassing all the stress I'm not supposed to have just because it's summer and I'm supposed to be enjoying beaches and indoor chilly snacks. And oh, thank goodness for me staying here in the suburbs of Makati with Dad and the family, [with Jari, most especially, who's gotten huge this time], it felt a lot less like the big S.

Is dat yu payona I si wuking?!

The good news is, I'm all over the tensing battle for UST slot. When I got Mom's message telling me to report and confirm my enrollment on the 23rd of April, I immediately worked it out. Cousin Kathleen, who's going to be my roommate all through my college years [hopefully] or for a long while at least, accompanied me that day. We got up really early and rushing (!) that morning only to arrive at the university really early that we had to wait for nearly half an hour before we could go into the main building [the guards wouldn't let us in at first hmp!]. Anyway, when we got inside and made our way up to the 3rd floor, I was asked to go to the Pedrosa hall while Cuz wait for me outside, yada yada yada... [I don't want to go one-by-one here alright?].. After what seems like another half an hour waiting for Ma'am-whoever in that chilly near freezing room with expectant incoming freshies like yours truly, I finally got to get my richly deserved "You're-already-cleared-up-so-you-may-come-back-on-May-16-for-your-enrollment" statement. I was ecstatic! But not totally that hyped. I mean, yeah, I got to get The Slot I was long stressing out but I got it in College of Science, in Biology course specifically. A course I can manage now to abhor that I would kill just to get a confirmation statement as well in AB CommArts or Legal Mgmt or that Business Ad thing in College of Commerce. Grr. Whatever happened to that "any medical course is not for me" huh?!

Alright. So that's pretty much of good news, me securing a real slot at the royal and pontifical university. Hm. And I figure DS graduates would bombard UST big time. Haha. I can just walk around the whole campus and have an 80-90% chance of bumping into someone I know. Someone I know a graduate of my high school alma mater, that is.

Anyway, I can't wait to get myself enrolled, and I can't wait even for June 11, start of schooling, or that Welcome Freshmen Event. It doesn't feel that strange to be in an entirely new environment with a whole new crowd to deal with now. I don't know, maybe I embrace change and meek transitions so much that I feel rather delighted than tense. Figures.

Life's Biggest Question


Sometimes I dare ask myself if I know who I really am-- sans the obvious facts, of course. It is a question that would take a lifetime or never even for someone to propose a well-scrutinized answer. Whenever I attend spiritual retreats, which brings me to different parts of Luzon, it seems it has been a custom for the master to offer activities to the retreatants that would help them discern their whole existence in life, their standing, their being-- yada yada, you know the stuff.

Sure. I mean, based on experience, it has helped. But never fully. It has only awakened you to more mature thinking, and has opened the door of added confusion to your already chaotic life. But don't get me wrong. It ain't a bad thing. Coz at least, you know that one purpose why you're here trudging the yellow brick road is to know yourself more, and slowly build a whole being that is rightfully yours.

I have thought of this during my stay in the city and all the while battling for my looming college schooling. When asked what course to get, I simply answer,. ''hindi ko pa po alam..''.. Which is true. I wouldn't answer them with something I am not entirely sure for fear I might change my mind any moment. I know I want to belong to the corporate world when I reach employment stage, I know I want to deal with papers rather than SARS-stricken people, I know I want to take the elevator to the 20th floor rather than take the ramp along with wheel-chaired patients to the second floor, I know I want to carry a laptop rather than a stethoscope to work. And I certainly know I want to be REALLY successful someday.

For now, all I want is to excel well in a flexible course that would assist me to my goals. UST fate would still be revealed tomorrow, and UST or not, College of Commerce or not, Business Ad or not, I want to make it big. My mom, of all the people in the world, seems to only see my weaknesses. I've never heard her commend to my capabilities and achievements, instead I hear the most unbelieving, anti-picker upper words. But see, even if it makes my two ears tomato red and hot, it's definitely all right. Why? Coz if it weren't for my mom telling me dispiriting stuff, I wouldn't get even more provoked to better what I deem best.

If there's one thing I surely know about myself, that is the attitude of showing rather than proving. See, why prove if you can just show and let them do the judging, harsh or ruthful.

I have been hitting the university for many times this month, and I am growing more at ease there each time I walk here and by. Before, I couldn't imagine myself rushing to Espana gate every morning. Now, I'm so expecting to rush in to the AB building past the two manong gwardiyas every so often.

I thought that it would be nice to go into the Tan Yan Kee building every now and then for org meetings, or for some audition I want to try in. Hm. UST Singers sounds cool, and I hear an audition going on for their upcoming European concert tour, I mean, that's way way WAY cool huh?. And of course, me qualifying? Haha. That's just TOO GOOD to be true.

See, I am now developing a stronger grip to the whole new reality of my living. In few years time, I'll be working my way to food, transpo, luho, and all that. In few years, I will still be going on searching for rightful answers to the BIG question. In few months, it's going to be a lot hectic again.

But I've got better understanding now, and nothing, hopefully, would scare the bejesus out of me anytime soon. I believe for what I know I am right now, and that's just the way it is. Ha-di-ha.

This for now. Til' then.

Mature Decisions and Drastic Transitions

Life transitions are probably the best things in life that I appreciate the most beyond doubt. These are the times I discover and rediscover new things, realize what has to be realized, and act upon things that call for a lot of consideration and maturity.

A lot of people, especially the assuming ones, tell me that I seem like a person who has been through all life's highest points, even the lowest. That they see me as a flawed emotional capsule crammed with all the biases and happy endings waiting to be formed as a single roving soul. But see, in reality, I'm barely 17, still a minor-- doesn't know where Greenland is, haven't done scuba diving yet, unemployed, and haven't accomplished much so far in life. I'm just an inexperienced fool only with a heart hungry for wisdom and success.

It's true I have been through a lot. You, too. I mean, we all have been. Maybe the reason why I differ from anybody else [or so I say] and people can say such things, is because I try to extract as many things-- realizations, comprehensions, possibilities, negativities, etc,-- as possible from all the experiences, and assess them one at a time until I move on.

I enjoy meeting a lot of people. I like talking, sharing, listening to their stories and opinions, etc., because from there I get to see a whole different perception of the real world. The held high and low points of my life bump into theirs, and there I would come to realize that we may all have been going through the same things, but we all vary in the ways we deal and see it. It's like playing a game of chess. You know the moves. But you have your own scheme that is entirely different from your opponent. You are the boss. You control.

In June, I will be off to college. A world that is comparatively different from the world I once knew. Candidly speaking, I am scared. I'm frustrated. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what awaits me. Will the world crumble? Or will it flourish? Well, I don't have the answer but I certainly know that many are in the same boat with me right now.

This whole college thing is one of the major transitions in life that is now progressively unfolding on my part, and whether I like it or not, I exist to accept it. Some would choose to be summoned by fear and pressure. Some would use it to be more motivated. See, the outcome of everything we're going through in life depends on us-- how we deal with it. How we make the right and wrong decisions.

Tomorrow morning, I'll be heading to UST to confirm my enrollment. I haven't really gotten to the peak point of my decision regarding to what College I'll apply for. I passed Biology-- a good pre-Med course. But after the incident I went though, I realized that I'll be happier taking up Business Ad., or Legal Management, or ComArts, and that any medical course is not really for me.

It seems too late now to do something to be able to take what I really want [College of Commerce and C. of Arts & Letters do not accept shifters unless certain conditions]. And yeah, I have my pressured-constipated mind to blame for making the wrong decision when I was still filling the crappy USTET form up last year.

Now that I've learned, and am wiser, I'm hoping that this transition, so major, so scary, in my life would be.. though imperfect, the finest stage of my teenage life.

Geez, I don't want to deal with dead formalin-induced frogs for two whole semesters!

Buksan Mo ang Summah


It's April. It's Summer. It's hot.

So how would you want a large-sized bowl of Halu-Halo beaming with Halu-Halo fruits, leche flan, flakes, .Nata de Cocos, Sagos, beans, with one scoop each of two flavored ice creams, screaming right at your face? Yum!


It's definitely summer, and can you just believe the heat here in the country! Sod Global Warming, the summer heat seemed to have increased in temperature this year. Notice! Hm. For that, I'm so becoming a total indoor girl developing contagious phobia of the Sun. Not that I hate the Sun-- Sun that sustains life and all that, just that, going out there with Mr. Sunny up so high, with rays shining like halleluiah is rather scary. I'm thinking I would burn to death, or turn into ashes, get blown by the wind and vanish, or get awfully dark as that kohl on my makeup kit, or get my whole body blazing with fire like Human Torch the moment I step out of the house. I mean, it's seriously hot outside and I'm losing my head.

Since I'm officially and thankfully through with my ''highschool'' life, which I'm sure I'll miss terribly, as of last week, I shall make the most out of my two pre-kolehiyala months. Instead of sulking over the 2008 heat and bore myself at home, why not do something significant, productive, and yet enjoyable, right? It's common to most teens my generation to get all jaded during the first few weeks of Summer, especially those who don't attend summer classes, or jobs since the Summer Shock [read: no paperworks, rushing, or any poopwork for this matter] requires average adjustment. It's absolutely understandable.

So if you guys are worrying much about being jammed at home, don't fret! There's still hope! It's barely the start of the whole season! Right now, you can just sit there, get your planner, [or anything] and go jot all the things you want to do this Summer. No limits. Go, do it. Be inspired. I'll do that now.

Anyway, I'm so pleased to tell everyone that I'm really recuperating fast from the surgical operation I went through last month. Like when you see me right now, you'll never know I went through something horrible recently. I look healthy now, thank you very much, and thank God, malls are now permissible in my system. See, yesterday I finally got to start doing my usual weekend lakwatsa.

I first went to DS to get my report card and certificate of good moral character to Mrs. Sarmiento. I got the chance to talk to some of my teachers for a good minute or two, and right then and there I knew I'm gonna miss DS for real, especially them who I owe most part of what knowledge I have now. Aye, did you know that almost everyone pala in the faculty thought I suffered from appendicitis? HAHA. They didn't know that it was ruptured corpus luteum, which was a lot worse than appendicitis. Anyhoo, those educators deserve a big-time credit from nudgehead because of the full assistance and consideration they gave me.

After DS, I went to Digital Learning, then off to the mall with my cousins, Leslie and Dessiree.

I treated the two to the movies since God only knows when the last time was that I got to watch one. While inside the movie house and enjoying my popcorn and green apple float drink as Les and Des munched down their own victuals, I received a text message from Jaycyl, my guy's friend. He was asking me to write a letter for Jeff and not tell him a single word about it. Jeff, together with his co-SE members of St. John ministry, would be leaving that day for Baguio for a three-day retreat. The said letter, which Jaycyl said would totally surprise my guy [and I love surprising people!], will be read during the retreat. And I was supposed to give Jaycyl the letter before 2:00pm and it was already 1:35pm then.

So I grabbed a pen and paper and hurried out the movie house and the mall. I told him to meet me in front of Mouse House Café. Since I hardly had any time left, I rode the jeepney right away and I struggled to do my letter inside the moving vehicle. A bumpy ride. Good thing I got to finish the thing properly and arrive at MH café on time.

After giving him the letter, I went back to the mall, and before I could even think of going back inside the movie house, I realized I forgot na magpatatak [which meant I wouldn't be able to enter cinema 3 anymore unless I buy new ticket] . So instead of heading back at the movie house, I headed at Carafe [which was located inside the mall naman], surfed the net, and waited for my two cousins.

By the way, I bumped along Sir Barbie [choreographer of our cheerdance last January, remember? Yung bakla. :D] while I was looking for my cousins at the mall. We had a good second or two and before we part ways, I was surprised to see myself hugging her, I mean him. Haha. I thought, she [I mean HE!] used to make fun of me anyway, and besides we owe her [I mean HIM!] a lot for winning the competition.

PHEW!!!

To sum up, I had a pretty good lakwatsa day with my cousins. Though it wasn't really fun, it was still fun!.. labo eh. Hehe. It's not like everyday that I get to spend time with both of them, anyways.

... and I hope Jeff cries his heart out reading my letter. HAHA. =)

***

Later that Friday night,

I was doing some stuff in my PC when Grandmother entered the room whilst blabbing something about San Juanico Bridge.

Grandmother: What is the longest bridge in the Philippines?
Me: San Juanico Bridge! *proud*
Me: Alam niyo ba ba't pinagawa yun??? *smiles*

(NO answer)

Me: -_- *shrugs away*

Grandmother: What is the longest river in the world?
Me: NILE!!! [I was kidding]
Grandmother: Wrong! Missosouri river!
Me: Anong MisSOsouri, MISSOURI LANG!
Grandmother: Ay! Me Sori!

Hahahahahahaha. Such convo happens only once in a blue moon and I will hang myself if I didn't get to write that. Haha. I know you don't find it that funny, and most of you would think I'm sick crazy that it's such a nonsense blah, but come on! You can just imagine the whole scene!... Or maybe I'm really that mababaw. Oh boooy.

***

>> Ramiele's out on A.I.

>>I want my hair done.

>> I'll be reporting in UST this April 10. Pray, pray, PRAY, that I get the slot and confirm my enrolment any time soon. Shooooot.

It's official. I've graduated.

I finally got to shake hands with the school admin and get, at last, my diploma last Saturday. I guess everything's been said and done during last Saturday's ceremony, and the only thing I could utter in a candid mood right now are these few words: ''Congratulations Batch 2008! I'm so gonna miss you all!''

The moment I received my diploma from our all-smiling directress, I knew it was already the commencement of the wild, obnoxious, mulish yet sweet life in college and in the real world. Though the whole ceremony turned out to be a total bore [which is natural to all graduation ceremonies here in the country anyway], I still appreciate the fact that the girls looked good that hot afternoon, that the boys were so kulit parin under mad sweats, that almost everyone had medals to bring home to make their mommas proud, that Justin did a great job on his momentous speech-- I almost cried [KIDDING], that we all looked like students from Hogwarts School of Magic, that the song choices for the whole grad event were nice, and that most part of the celebration was laughable rather than mushy and dramatic.

Even if my efforts in maintaining and bettering my grades didn't pay off that much because of the traumatic incident I went through last last last week, I'm still thankful to dear God Almighty that I made it, I managed to graduate in time, had a few humble awards to brag, and in no time soon I'll be kicking my butt off in college. Now that's what I call truly blessed.

We've gotten tired of the daily DS routine but who wouldn't miss that among my batchmates? Almost 12 years of stay in Dominican School is no joke, kiddo. You do almost the same thing everyday that it felt like you'd be doing that all the days of your life. But I know, as soon as I get to feel the hurdle of my next verve--in college, I mean-- I'll be wishing I could stick to my old daily routine back in high school. But then again, it's now over.

As I continue to receive group messages from my batchmates and friends telling everyone all the touching and emo stuff, I will go on missing them more and more. I will never get tired missing these people I used to be with, talk, and see almost everyday; the nicest people on Earth who would always be there, the craziest people on the planet I love to be with most of the time... these are the people, my batchmates from DS 07-08, who refined my being today, and who in all honesty, made living in this scary world happy indeed.

We're all moving on now and it is for good. We have dreams to pursue, and goodbyes are just the beginning of all the wonderful things ahead of us. I wish us all the best luck in life and that may we all pull off our goals without forgetting where we came from, and the people who has been part of our cultivating years.

Then again I say to everyone, this is no goodbye. We'll all see each other again with better hellos, better ohmyghads, and better see-you-agains.

Dominican School Batch 2007-2008, Congratulations and til' next time! Ü

Farewell by R.L.

This is my now by J.S.

***

By the way, thank you to Mom, Dad, Tita Shao, Cuz Kathleen, Tito Randy, Lolo Benny, Lola Oriang, and cousins Leslie and Dessiree for witnessing my graduation. I know it was so hot that afternoon inside the hall but you were still there for me.

Thank you Leslie for accompanying me all throughout, to my "Bae" Oriang for making it in time for mass that I was able to give you my sincerest gratitude for everything, to my uncle Alao for driving, to Dad, Tita Shao, and Cuz Kath for making it at the event-- for being my personal photographers for the day [haha, kidding], to Mom and Tito Randy for making it even at the last minute before the marching, to Dessiree and "Ama" Benny for coming, to aunt Edith and nana Shirley for preparing delicious meals at home, to the Tamayo family who visited me home, to Sr. Directress for making me feel proud as I join my batchmates during the grad rites, to Mr. Joeffrey Chan for the smile and teeny clap [I saw that, HAHA] when I was on stage, to all my teachers for the consideration they gave me when I was in my very worst condition that I couldn't almost make it to the graduation, and to all the parents of my batchmates who greeted me.

4-SD, 4-SAG, YUARJI, AIIZYNTCHEL, ENCORD, ARCHIA, ALKATRAZ, NYSAAZYOTE, DOODLES, CLINX, GRENDURBY, and to all… You guys are amazing. Though lots of groupie names rise in both classes, we're still one, right?

Erika, Cham, Katlen, Ynah, Anaw, Crystal, Ariane, Hedy, Lorena, May Anne, Maeinra, Charmaine, Jazel, Jessalyn, Pia, Margie, Marion, Chuckie, Arjune, Narenn, Allen, Richmond, Marco, Ramon, Nico, Karizze, Majie, Karissa, Ivan, Bryan --- I had the best moments with you guys. Thank you so much.

* * *

Sigh... FINALLY.