Dropped

Cecilio Cumba has been officially booted out of DS as of 7:20 this morning. Yes, dear, he's out. And you know what? I will miss him. Not that we have something to muse over or what, or maybe there's one, and perhaps because we've been on the same class ever since and regardless of all his misdemeanors, he's always been good, as far I'm concerned, to us.

I've no recollection of long chats with him whatsoever-- I remember approaching him only on times that I'm told to remind him of this and that-- all reminders and warnings and notices as far as my memory could try reach. It's sad that I never had any chance to get in real touch with him before he got dropped out of school.

This morning as well, upon learning Cecilio's discharge, Vincent surprisingly went into an emotional, scary yet sweet disposition I'd never forget.

"... yung pinagsamahan naming ni Bogs mula first year hanggang fourth year... *sob* "

Like Vincent was fifth to the last person in the world that I'd ever want to see cry over a guy friend. It's such a shame that I had to compare him with other guys who don't care about anything in the world but hot girls and themselves. It's such a shame that I misjudged his character only for the reason that he's a consistent black-listed student.

If you're gonna ask me, I would say he's way better than those brainy virtuosos because at least he knows how to get real not only to himself but to other people as well. Same is true with Cecilio, they both have this certain personality that I strongly admire-- only that there are times that they find it difficult to control such due to aggravating situations that they end up doing off beam things leading to unlawful conclusions of their actions by not-so-understanding people-- that would probably explain Cecilio's misery right now.

Sir Greggy is unswerving on his warnings. Personally, I am scared-- seven more months ain't a short while to run away even from a sole misdeed. Seven more months, one to two misconducts and you're out. And what's worse is that being a graduating student is not an excuse. And Sir Greggy's got all the fucking point. Yet again.

That he had the guts to boot Cecilio.

But anyway, life should move on. Life must move on with Cecilio whereas I, would learn over time to eke out a living without Mister The One to Blame.

As for Vincent, oh what a righteous heart you have, my dear. I simply admire you for that. You don't need to worry, Cecilio will be fine. He will move on. And I'm sure that the strong solidarity formed between you guys will never sod to pieces for years to come.

PS.
Something from Mister Cecilio Cumba:

Sorry for not being the best...
I tried hard naman eh.
Sorry for not being perfect...
Sinubukan ko naman eh.
Sorry for not being what you expect me to be...
Sorry ha,
Si "Bhogs" lang kasi ako!

PSS.
Something from Marion Bernard:

"...mataas respeto ko sayo. Magkamatayan na pag may nang-anu sayo..."


***

I stayed extremely late last night because of this:






"coz every cloud has a silver lining...

dream on..."

-Dream on, by Dreamstreet

Hanging Bridge Ü

Maybe it isn't deliberated on how many hoots you've wide-mouthed during the day that you'd get to realize what real fun is. And not until you virtually take in everything-- from start to the point of grasping who your companies were all throughout-- that you'd also get to realize that time spent like this cannot be compared to shitty times that you made shitty shits just to inflict an immense whamp--real fun, that is--but to no avail.

If I am to compare this day with yesterday, malamang dehadong dehado [read: thrashed out] na ang Sabado. Since I'm already doing this, might as well admit that I actually didn't want to go out last Saturday, but much to my dismay, Lupin and Cham got me, and almost had me sullying my already-dithered day.

And then Sunday hit my calendar--causing my phone to go ballistic reminding me of the day's appointment [the PNHSR, and Nisce App.], like I've got to be there by 8:30 [yes!] and it was 8:40 when I left home.. Hah! ; And how it endured my inescapable Snooze hits, I have no idea. Oddly enough, I arrived at PNHS pretty much on time with expectant eyes glued on me like a butt stuck on a newly painted bench [despair!] when I entered room 60.

So room 60 was the room. After Mini-mini-boo-booing the test Mr. Job-look-a-like gave us, we chucked the 20-peso-worth review for nice visits to some places I know my friends adored [they were claiming I was their tour guide shit].

I took them to lovely places-- and the rest, as I've decided, will be kept to ourselves na lang..

Coz we enjoyed a lot.

And THAT'S GOT TO BE ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF our SENIOR YEAR.

Lots of el ow el ow el ow vi ee to Yani, Cham, Eka, Bry, and Ray.


***

Introduced the three girls [Yani, Eka, Cham] to Nisce and let their hairs done there. It's no surprise that they'd fall in love with the place, the people, and the salon itself. Eka and Yani, welcome to the shorty hair society! Cham, hah! You're one gorgeous bitch! :)

... and whereas I, had my face done. Yowtch!

Like what?

I told you, all I need in my life now is a simple high school graduation.

Eight straight months to go babies. Ugh.

I really anticipate the company of my guy friends. It's not that I flirt with them, no way! I just admire the way they deal with their problems and all that. Tacky atmosphere. They're that ha-ha-ha even if their problems are way heavier than five tons of trucks.

What's even more admiring is that they have high respect on you and no matter who you are--tanggap ka nila unlike some nudgeheads I know. And because they respect you, lagi nilang iisipin yung kapakanan mo even if they're sometimes gago and all that. Hehehe.

In fact, most of the lessons I'm learning in this existence of mine are coming from them!

All I can say is that.. APoch Mga Tol!

Aish. Hehehe

[Loko nga tayo pero may puso naman tayo =)]

***

Curse!!!! RAGES!

I'm exasperated. What part of it don't you get huh?!

So maybe I'm not the perfect daughter. But I'm wholly sure that I'm a hundred percent well--damn it, I'm not crazy. I've been trying my best to regain my life and don't you just dare mess it all up. Life will be tougher. And I will get even-- I'll be tougher.

Tutu you who think I'm a loser. Tutu you who think I'm crazy. Tutu you who think I'm a good for nothing wimp. I am cursing all the bad stuff in the world. Swear words aren't enough. But I swear to the heavens down six feet under, I'm going to sue all things that would come across my friggin' way.

I'll repeat-- what part of it don't you people get?! So what if I'm into rock music? I can go to classical or country music if I want to anytime anyway. So what if I'm a little rebellious? At least I'm not scared to do things. So what If I don't dress up like that lady you see in England? At least I don't dress up like those prostitutes you see along the dim corners of the city.

There are lots of accusations-- false accusations thrown at me. I hate it. It drives me mad. But it breaks my heart more.

First of all, I’m not crazy, matino akong tao. Just because I sing out loud here at home it doesn't my mind is not well. Ganun lang talaga ako.

Second, I'm not doing drugs. I have a life to live and I have loads of dreams to achieve. I want to be successful-- let alone doing drugs. I'm a little rebellious, yes, but I know where my boundaries lie. I know where I stand and I know when to stop. I choose my companions based on how they control themselves and how they deal with things such as what I'm dealing though right now. I'm a very persnickety person-- but in a pleasant kind of way.

Third, I'm fine with my dad. But I hate my mom-- well, not exactly Mom. If these people want me to abhor Dad's wedding with Tita Shao, then be it. I will still be happy for him and tita Shao. Why, inggit kayo na masaya ako for Dad than sa inyo?! Tsk. I have reasons. And I stand on what I accept as true would be good for me and for everyone. I know this wedding will change my father's life for good. I know. And whatever's going to make my dad happy, expect me to always count in.

Lastly, I HATE YOU. Just because you can't accept the fact that we've [I've] changed you can already do those it's-your-fault looks to us [to me]. Bahala ka sa buhay mo! THE PROBLEM IS NOT WITH US. IT'S WITH YOU, and guess what dear, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. The same old problem.

And if di niyo ko feel, FINE! I don't care. :) Thankyousomuch for hating me. :) hah!

Hay buhay...

You know, the only thing that's making this whole thing painful inside is that the people who're condemning me of doing such incriminating acts are people whom I've spent almost all the best times of my life-- people I respect, care, and love.

I never wanted to ruin my life. Please don't let me do things just because you think I am capable of doing it. I want to do things-- things that I really want to do-- that would be for the better of everybody not only of myself.

Don't provoke me.

Coz just for the record...

I'm the one in control next to God.

***

Referral from Mr. Frank was worth every penny.

Anyway, thanks for the Chinese Cut.

... That I still don't get up to know since it's called a Chinese cut well in fact I look like a japanese anime.

Sod the boom.

***

Thanks for the call, guys.

That was what I just needed.

Weintstein

As Teddy Geiger sings "These Walls"...

The only thing that's left for me to do now is to decide whether to continue doing this one or to just take a shower and toss myself to bed. So obviously, I'm free of any work to do tonight.

Supposedly, I should be stressed by now. As in the mega-hyper-stressed type that would give me the impression of a one-hundred-one-year-old aged woman with all the sagging skin, wispy white hairs, obstructed hearing and vision, diagnosis of that memory gap thing which always reminds me of this certain TV commercial that constantly says, "bawal ang pork... bawal ang beans... yadayadayada" as it shreds certain food images from this jerk's head, withdrawal of lip smacking only-for-non-diabetic-kids foods, and all that old momma stuff.

Basically, it's eew.

But no really, I should be strained by now. I've been finishing loads of work day after day and my eyes are becoming daily victims of extreme sleep deprivation which cause them to be all tedious and dull by next morning. Ah, the concealer era!

It's only tonight that I might get a good night sleep. But since it's now 67 seconds away before my good night sleeping time ticks on, I wouldn't have a nice eight-hour sleep yet again. Tsk. Tomorrow's gonna be real busy. And so with the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next.

Argh.

Okay.


I really can't take this anymore.

Truth is, I can't stand the scorching fact that I'm still stuck in school, that I'm still in my senior year, that I'm still in Economics and Physics, that I'm still stuck arriving home by 7 pm at the most and sleeping by 12am just to finish school works, that I'm still not that self-sufficient. Sure, I would love to have the stereotypes. But it ain't that easy, you dope. The realities circumscribing my life at the present are somewhat disappointing and off-putting which probably would clarify why life on my part is getting more and more uninteresting and... substandard.

Well babies... All I need to do is to graduate. That's it. Then I can already get away from this school with all these "plastic" kids from all over the place. I will be of fewer headaches from all their nasty nonsense rumors, and "pa-epalan" schemes. I won't have to fish out my Economics book every now and then to get ready for two friggin' hours of Sir Greggy's hideous graded recitation [right, justify my answer you're saying sir? Easy peasy. ]. I won't have to waste rolls and rolls of tissues just to wipe the blood coming from my nosey, if you still couldn't get it, dork, I'm talking about the ay-pakshet-dude-nosebleed! thing. Got it?! J-e-s-u-s!

Geez. Let me graduate! Please let me graduate! PLEASE just let me f-ing graduate,

:P

Ten AM Presence In Theatre


Most of my friends claimed that the Order of the Phoenix movie was rather disappointing that they were screaming what a total boo the movie was. But actually, the movie somehow worked for me. Partly because I appreciate the fact that Daniel Radcliffe has become a great actor indeed. Gone are the days of childish and tacky acting.

I think Emma Watson got prettier this time. Her Hermione character's still the same old Harry's know-it-all sidekick. And then there was Rupert Grint who isn't growing to be a good-looking actor [hah!]--it's just a little disappointing that I wasn't able to remember one statement from Ron/Rupert. Oh, I remember one:

"O'right."

Hehehehehehe.


Anyway, I think David Yates did a great job--with all those calm scenes that seemed to have an impending danger looming all the time. Actually, the movie was a good one but I was expecting a great cinematic experience which I didn't get thankyouverymuch. I mean, c'mon, it's Order of the Phoenix, man. They could have put in more actions instead of getting all focused on what parts of the book not to include in the movie. It was great, really. I was just expecting more.

***

What?

Wanna ask me? I didn't enjoy the day. It should have been one of the best times of senior year but it just didn't work for me.

I don't know. I mean, I loved the company of my friends, Ate Lui, SD and SAG students, it's just that I couldn't seemed to find the spirit to be all cheerful like the others. Sigh.

Asar Talo

I never really believed on this Friday-the 13th idiocy-- about the ill luck it brings to each and every one and all that. I think it is plain pathetic to make the whole poor skunk a big deal. Like it will change your life in one day... NAMAN!

Nagkandamalas-malas ang araw ko ngayon. And it has nothing to do with that Friday the 13th shit, okay?

Of course, the least thing you'd ever want to happen to you throughout the day is yung mabadtrip ka, umaga pa lang right? Sad thing was, ang aga-aga, ang init-init ng ulo ko.

I super-mega-over got annoyed with this particular beachhead in class this morning because of this proposal stuff that was needed to be passed this afternoon. He told me last night that h'd be the one to make the proposal so I didn't pursue finishing the proposal I started typing in my PC two days ago.

Basically, he volunteered to do and finish the job. I asked him pa nga if he was sure na siya na gagawa and he said yes-- so I was really positive this morning that he would present us a good proposal. Tsk. I should have known.

Hindi siya nakagawa.

Great. Just great. He even told his girlfriend [which apparently is a friend of mine] na bwisit ako for letting him do all the work. Pfft. Just for the record dear, I was adamant in asking you the procedure and purpose of YOUR IDEA. But I didn't get a single thought about it since you tend not to elaborate whatever you were blabbing about that crap.

Right. So we started bartering outlandish looks, then we began quarrelling like robbers, then I began to move away, sulking, and cried eventually while trying to make up a nice rationale suited for our I.P.

If you're gonna ask me, I'm really a busy person. So I cried because I thought I'd get away with that burden, pinasa pa sakin. Tsk. Even Mrs. Sarmiento was giving me the pressure this morning to finish some of the works she asked me to do. I really was pressured that I wasn't able to pay attention to the lecture-- come Filipino time. I wasn't even aware that we're already having this PSEP stuff when Mrs. Linda came.

Lame.

Anyway, we were able to finish and submit the proposal on time. However I'm still infuriated at him. Or maybe I despise him already. Ugh.

Don't mind me.

I'm just plain frustrated. Arg! ARG!


****

Sinta

I thought I liked you. I thought I loved you. I thought you were great, MATH... Damn. I WAS WRONG. You gave me a mega-low score on my over 50 quiz. Fudge, I'm working real hard to know you better, to understand you even more. But my effort isn't paying me off comparatively. You're so unfair, Math. My academic grades nearly suffered all this time since elementary because of you. You’ve been the same old pest among the good crops.

I've been through all the humiliations in blackboard calls, in front of class, in front of my mentors. All because of you. My mentors think I'm a total boo because I suck in understanding you. Sure. You were easy to get along with at the beginning, but as you gradually show your true colors, I could only give one color.,. BLOODY RED. AAACCK.

Math-ey dear, you really don't like me huh?

Pero makikita mo. Hindi kita susukuan. Makikita mo.


***

We're gonna watch HP5 tomorrow. DS rockers will invade the theatres tomorrow. Hah!

Zehb.

Tsk. Pasaway. Masama ka Jonvi. Masama ka.

Aminin mo na kasing may nililigawan ka na jan! Poch!

Wednesday pala ha.. Sige maghanap ka ng date mo. Aish. Hanapan pa kita if you like eh.

Aargh. I'm plain frustrated. No, hindi dahil kay Jonvi. Basta. Ugh!

Mini Meal

Actually, I'm moving on.

I wouldn't say I'm all over him, but yes, I'm getting there. The only thing that's making this whole thing budge at a snail's pace is that every time I try to steer away from the jerk, the more he's inching himself closer to me. Aye.

I'm just worried about one thing.

The other one.

I'm worried that I'm just making him an excuse to let go of "Hoodie" or worse, using him to cover up the wound that Hoodie has given me obliviously. If truth be told, I'm plain confused now than pleased. I want Hoodie out, but I know it wouldn't be easy especially because I'm the only one hurting and he's not. He isn't even aware of what's happening around him coz he's over-attached with his good-for-heavens skimpy obsession.

Anyway, Mr. Other One asked me to watch HP6 with him this weekend. Apparently, I said yes, of course-- it's been two whole months since I last saw him and we're having short careless chats barely by phone and it happens once in a week only. Sad.

I miss the guy.

I know I've been so affected by storm Hoodie these past few weeks, but really-- I miss "Other One" terribly. And promise promise promise, I'm moving on na. Duh! That's why I accepted Mr. Other One's invitation noh! Hehe. This Saturday, baby. This Saturday.

CHAMMY!!! Excited tayong dalawa noh? Ha-ha-ha! Ahem. Ahem.

***

Garapal

I've never been this hectic in my whole life. I'm finishing loads of work after the other and hell, I just want to get away with all these things. If only, man. If only. Problem is, I just can't run away from these crap at the moment since beachheads are expecting great things. Great pathetic things that I want to see exploding through colossal supernova tonight.

Aaaccckkk!

And problems keep on coming... Damn. Damn. Damn. Hey yo, problemos, don't you ever get tired of messing up people's lives?! Darn. GO AWAY!!!

"Ma'am, kelangan niyong mag-purchase ng new pair kasi di po sila nag-rerelease ng kalahati lang..."

Whaaaat?!!! Do you fkcutards know how much money I've already spent for those contact lenses?! For the record, my dear son of a gun whoever, I've spent about seven thousand pesos already, only for a pair of contact lenses that appear as if I have the deadliest eyes ever that it never snuggled down in my possession. And I still have remaining balances to settle by the end of this week.

I haven't even mentioned about school stuffs that I need to pay. [this week na rin! Poch!] The entrance exam review fee, retreat fee, application forms, hand-outs, this and that. Pffft. I wish my allowance would put in a little dent to my growing. Or I would rather owe President Bush my whole life if he would sign my adoption papers. Hah! Adopt me Papa George! Now! Now! Now!

Garapalan na ito! Hehehehehehehehe!

Kidding aside, I'm really really flat broke at the moment. If I use to fuss over my shopping allowance, di na ngayon. I'm a good girl now. And I'm fussing over EVERYTHING! Gaaaaaaah.

***

Singles' Life

I still can't get over the emo-rocker guys we bumped along yesterday at the mall. They were all cute [especially the one with nerdy eyeglasses and the one who got this niiiiiiceee hairstyle] and I swear, walang sinabi si Emo Spiderman. Ha-la-ha!

That guy who got the perfect rocker hairdo made a great impact in my mind. Why? Because he greeted me!!!! Me! Me! Me! Ayan. Kumakapal na naman mukha ko but it's true. Hahaha! Ano, ha? My companions thought I'm friends with the guy-- of course I hoped I was, but unfortunatelyI wasn't. YET. Haha! Cute guys... DROOL!

Okay. Okay. I'm just happy. I'm not doing any immorality a'right? I'm single and I'm just enjoying the advantages and privileges of being one. Hah!

This is life.



***

I think it's plain insane that I'm updating my blog right now while I still have heaps of work to finish. Tsk.

Obviously, I still don't know what work to start finishing and where to start. Ha-di-ha.

Oh no.

Oh no no.

Oh no no no.

NO!

OH. MY. god.

Blag!

"Sandali lang ho, yung mama!"

He was lying there, duck-like, fallen from his seat-- his eyes, almost white as pearl, and his tongue was sticking out unresponsively.

"Mama gising!"

Then he began to shudder, mild at first, and then he began shaking vigorously. All was concluding it was an epileptic attack, but I could have known better-- it was heart attack. We passengers were filled with shock and pity, everyone, especially the women began all but trembling with alarm and all that.

We brought him to the nearest hospital and I ought to say that he was extremely fortunate that when he passed out, we [the bus] stopped up exactly in front of a police station and the hospital was just three or four minutes away from the station.

God is so good.

When we arrived at the hospital, he was brought inside at once, of course. Then people began asking other people who would like to stay with him for he got no one to accompany him until his family arrive. It was a sad thing that no one dared to stay with the man, as they claim they don't know him and it was like goddamn it that...

"Les, gusto ko bumaba..."

...that I wanted to go down the bus and stay in the hospital. I saw the whole thing [except the time before he fell], and I could answer medical questions thankyouverymuch for the man-- but I was just a teenage high school student who may have looked like the I-don't-care-one most people would have perceived at that time inside the bus.

I was frustrated that I wanted to do something to help him. Tears began filling my eyes as the bus head off from the hospital so I began to pray-- for it was the only thing I could do at that time.

All the while, I was telling God to save the man-- to keep him out of serious harm. I was filled with sympathy. And I began to realize a sense of calling.

I'm not certain. But it's like I was awakened from something that right now makes everything I am looking forward to rather confusing. I wanted to save the man-- probably to save his life-- a calling for a medical course? Am I going to be a doctor?

But my heart isn't there [in Medicine]. I don't even know if I wanted to be one. I really am supposed to take up nursing in college, but hell how I hate it. I never wanted to clean bedcovers infused with vertebrate waste, I never wanted to bathe old guys!, I never wanted to make subo to guys who find it difficult to eat without someone's help, I never wanted this and that.

Think what you want to think. But I'm so plain maarte.

If I'm gonna take Nursing in college, I'll make it sure to proceed to Medicine after.

Anyway, you know where my heart is? MANAGEMENT and/or DESIGNS. I prefer management. I won't elaborate muna.

Basta all I want is to be a corporate woman someday

And Friday nights, babe.

Hah!