QUICKeey

Yeah, I know.

I deserve to be hit by a big truck loaded with goos. It's been sooooo ages.

And I have a lot of stories to tell. And lemme twist it off by spilling, I'm in love with the most gorgeous guy in the planet-- He's with me now-- and he's called Kennard. Ü

...

I know I haven't updated this blog for a while and I certainly know that it is the most unforgivable sin in the blogging world. SORRY!

Waha. I can't believe I will this place.

I will be blogging back by february. The layout needs some changing and I have to do some real kick-ass update. Just wait til you see!
:)

I will still be at blissful-chanting, by the way. :P

Lovelots.

TEE-OW.

It’s just about thirty more hours and five hundred fifty-five seconds (and counting..) before I can finally pronounce my toodles-oodles to 7am classes, stuck-up people in my class and out (woops. Zip it!), and boring yet amazingly good professors. Yes, I know, it’s swift!

The first half of the school year was “one hell of a roller coaster ride”. It was a time of adjustments, and changes, new things, and realizations. I had the best and the worst moments and though sometimes school can be really really sickening, it’s fun.

I had fun arriving in class really late like it would just be two seconds before the second subject and I’m there. Haha. I had fun bonding with different kinds of nudgies from my college, from my batch, and also from my high school friends. I also had fun making fun of people and bitching bitches in class. :P School works were fatally terrible, but that’s what college is all about right?

It’s going to be a three-week vacation and I’m hoping to spice up a bit. Maybe I’ll do a make-over (dye my hair neon pink? HAHA), or learn to play the violin that I’ve been dying to do for months now, or do an interior design work of our new home in the province, or learn to fly a kite, what you think?? Seriously, I still have no definite plans for the break but hell yeah, I’m going to make sure that I’d have loads and loads of stories to tell everyone when classes resume on November. Haha. Payabangan ng bonggang-bongga blues :P

I haven’t been seriously online for the past few months—no updates, no recent photos, and what the hell is up with the cyber-nudgehead everyone has ever known?! Well, I’ve been busy and I have the friggin’ low tech DSL at home to blame. It was kinda intentional not posting any recent photos on any of my online accounts for several reasons: one, I always look wangag, two, nothing interesting to see, three, I want to a bit surprise everyone and make them go like, “oh my frigging sprakin’, that’s Fiona?!” .

Oh well… who knows if I’ve gotten BIG or Siopao or Bamboo.
It’s currently Finals week and one more exam to go for tomorrow. I’d better start reviewing now.

TOODLES-OODLES!

Posible.

Maybe I’m not the richest kid in the world nor the smartest and the most beautiful, but I know that even the most minuscule blotch in the map can dream big enough. And I mean big—quarter-pounder- like- big… BIG. Huge. Massive. Enormous. Me? I’m nothing but a mere nudgehead who happens to be one of those map blotches who hates and loves things in this world at the same time and dreams absolutely just anything possible. Hmmm..

Did it ever cross your mind that someday you might own an international airport? No? Well… you’re a loser! Hahaha! NONONO. Kidding. I didn’t mean that. You see, I want to own an airport someday. I want to be in possession of numerous airplanes and private jets. I want to see my name painted along the landing strip so passengers will see my feeyownah as they arrive. Er. Scratch the last sentence. Okay, see, having your own airport doesn’t only mean MONEY but WORLD TRAVEL. Can you imagine yourself flying to different places you wish to go to, taking loads of pictures and congesting your Multiply with numbers of me-in-here, me-in-there, me-in-somewhere until your account curses you?! Can you also imagine yourself meeting different kinds of people from Ni Hao Mah to Konnichiwa to Bon jour to idjfbgjbogbibe (what the hell?!) and learning their languages to boast in your country?

Well, I’d love to.

Now, what about your own chocolate factory? Yeah, like that Charlie and the Chocolate factory thing with those mini people singing in chorus. Having your own choco fac means nonstop sweets and I know endless calories too but SCRATCH THAT! I’m trying to make a point here okay?! Okay. See, how would you want to have sweets served in front of you the way you want them to be? How would you want to have a sweet morning and nighttime? How would you also want to give free chocolates and candies to kids in your hometown and nearby cities especially during Halloween’s Trick or Treat and Christmas without spending a single centavo? Now that’s something nice. Hadiha. And isn’t it nice to have free sweets anytime you want especially when you need a picker-upper during your broken-hearted depressed or emo kuno days?

Well, I’d love to.

Okay. You might think I’m a bit going nuts but unfortunately for you, I ain’t going nuts. Point is, most of us stop right away of yearning things we deem impossible. But why? Why do we stop right away? We say, “tsk, imposible naman!” but hey, I can testify that anything is possible. If I want to own my own chocolate factory like Willie Wonka’s, why not? I can sure work hard for that. If I want to own an airport, then I must work harder! If I want to be a star, then I will show what I got and work for it.

It all comes down to saying never let things make you think that certain things are impossible. I have realized this last night and see, I’m now more open-minded to things I want to do and I now have a clearer vision of my future.

dream big.

You, fellow blogger, what are your most possible unbelievable dreams? Go and share!

The Romance I had with IT.

Our paths crossed a year ago while I was going through with the restaurant's carte du jour. It was a hot afternoon and a cold, refreshing drink would be the best drink for me that time of the day. I was unmindful of what I chose that when the maître d ‘served a tall glass filled with this yellow-colored something that looked so ever yummy, I just went with an enormous W-O-W.

Love at first sight.

I decided to move it close to me so I could taste this yellow-colored-something a bit. I held the tall slim glass and felt as if its chilliness was running through my sacred veins. It was unbelievable. And I moved it close to me. So close to me.

The first touch.

I positioned the straw in my mouth. Then I sipped a little.

First kiss.

I sipped again. Then as it gushed deep inside me, I felt the refreshing chill of this yellow-colored-something as if telling me every little detail about it for the first time. It tasted so sweet and the taste was remarkable. I loved its texture, I loved everything about it.

Getting to know each other better and deeper.

That was when I fell in love with it; and that very day commenced my undeniable liking for this special yellow-colored-something. I became totally obsessed with it. Everyone around me needed not to ask me what I wanted. It was the only thing I wanted. My comfort.

Then memories started building up in my constipated mind. I had bad stuff going on around me while I’m with IT. IT didn’t like it. And I didn’t like IT to be involved.

The fight.

It came the point that every time I’m with IT, my stomach would cringed as some recollections of some bad things invaded my mind. Then that’s when I realized I had enough. It’s time to end this special bond.

Break-up.

I ditched IT. I didn’t bother looking at it anymore every time I went through a carte du jour. In fact, I completely kicked the once yellow-colored-something out of my life. It only gave me the creeps.

Moving-on stage.

Then I found my pink-colored-something. And I know I will be forever in love with this new penchant of my life.

I coined this pink-colored-something as the STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRI.

And my past, my yellow-colored something, is none other than the Ripe Mango Shake.

Bwahahaha. Whatever. Ang exagge mag-kwento. Laughtrip. Hahaha.

Yesss... Gooood...


Well, well, well, so much to all those poignant stuff I’ve been fussing about. Indeed, I still have my issues, but I’m a rejuvenated person. If I could mull over some stupid things for a while, I sure could ponder on happier and greater things longer!

So much has happened to me since I entered the University. I’m now at the point of saying high school is so much different from college. No more spoon-feeding. You work and live all by yourself—which is, for me, can be really fun. I still get to hang out with my high school batchmates in the university, they’re everywhere, I told you! I’ve already met loads of new friends from AB and from other colleges and yeah, I’m really happy about it! It’s a proof that I’ve already got back to my old pace.

'By the way, I still haven't talked to my mom. I don't know if we will ever talk again. It was her wedding last Aug.08, and I'm not invited. *sniff!* But daijobu, it's okay, as long as she's happy, then I'll be happy for her. I was a bit sad that day because I never heard from her, but I'm fine yeepeedow! I'm not crying! I'm smiling now. =) See!

Besides, I don't want goos to infect my bedsheet so better yet smile, no more tears, no more tangles, and go sha la la la la! tra la la la la!


Last month, I auditioned in the AB Chorale and luckily got accepted as a trainee. For few weeks, I enjoyed being an AB Chorale trainee-- rehearsals would begin by 4pm and would end by 7pm and this was every MWF. Sometimes, we would have sectionals at 1pm then deretso na yun til’ rehearsals. It felt good at the beginning because AB Chorale members were so friendly and good, and our conductor, Sir Paolo, though gayliciously shokla, was so nice, funny, and unbelievably good.

But later on, I got problems with the rehearsal schedules conflicting with other activities I have in school. I knew that it’s all about time management, so I tried and gave the whole thing another chance. But by the end of the day, I would just be worn out by how tedious my daily schedule was going.

I didn’t want to give up the chorale because I loved the chorale! I loved being a part of a choral group, I loved music, and I loved learning about music. But see, no matter where I see it, I had to let it go. So I started ditching the rehearsals until I officially quit the chorale. See, maybe I was given that big opportunity for me to realize and find out that I have to prioritize things. Who knows if there will be better opportunities for me out there? A better avenue for my music passion? Well…

Anyway, anyway, anyway, here’s something I want to share to with you. Here’s my uber cute cute cutie lil’ bro Jari with Tita Shao’s [his mom] beautiful poem:

While everybody in the neighborhood is asleep,

Lovely, isn't it? :)

Anyway, it’s gonna be prelims week starting tomorrow and pretty please give me your best wishes.. err.. good luck! I wonder how’s it like taking the exams in college? Hmm. I guess I just have to see and experience it for myself. Ha-di-ha.

I knew it.

Every pleasing moment of my stay here in the metro has indeed brought a massive impact in my life. I have been enjoying every single momentous second of it, like gulping a strong orange-flavored soda-in-can—feeling its sweet sharpness as it gush through my most sacred channels. But as I continue to try enjoy my life here, my heart goes on bleeding, bombarded with so much fear and perplexity, feeling like that soda I gulped a few hours ago; that the once sweet soda-in-can will just be nothing but an empty can in the end.

This will be the first time, as a month-old college student, that I will be writing an extremely poignant entry about what I’m really going through at the moment. Just this time… there will be no blissful chants and silly blabs…

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you should know by now that my mom and I have been the silliest rivals for like forever. It's like no matter how hard we try to mend whatever broken bond we have between us, we just keep on struggling. It's never-ending... It's stupid.. and oftentimes, it hurts.

When I think about what happened in the hospital, it just kills me softly. I have long been calloused by mom's hurtful words, but that incident was really unexpected of her. I knew she's capable of hurting me [though not physically]. Of showing to other people how I'm such a disappointment to her-- I was about to pursue BS Biology for college, intended as my pre-med course in UST, everything was all set.. I was just waiting for the school days to start. Then all of a sudden with my dad's company, before I knew it, I've already transferred in the college of AB and was about to pursue AB Legal Management. I was happy, at least, for I don't aim to be a doctor anymore.

I don't want to be a doctor because I've seen their lives. It's a sacred profession, but I never liked my future family to long for my presence. I want to give my will-be family the attention I hungered for so many years myself. I have promised myself not to let my will-be children experience what I’ve been through and going through.

Every time I’m with mom, and she’s asked about me—what course I’m taking up or why didn’t she send me to med school, I would often hear.. “Bio nay an eh. Lumipat sa AB parang tanga.” Or “ewan ko diyan, ayaw magdoctor.’’… These words… do these hurt me? Of course, but I’m pretty much used to it. I have a calloused heart.

Mom’s always telling me to prove myself to her. One time, she said right to my face, “patunuyan mong magiging successful ka. Legal Management? Anong mangyayari sayo?” … I don’t get it why she has always seen herself as superior to anyone, like everything around her is competition. Back in high school, even though she wouldn’t straightforwardly tell me to prove her I’m not weak, it always shows through her veiled words and actions. It came a time that I was really on it, I was in so much pressure that I was always trying to do my best and my best and my best alone until I exploded.

I got into a point that I couldn’t contain it anymore. I got burned out. I still had that good image in school—that Fiona girl who was always the intelligent, trustworthy, and responsible student. But they didn’t know the truth. I started to have a fair taste of teenage vices. I started going out with friends who influenced me badly. At home, I would always lock myself in my room and wouldn't eat. I neglected my schooling and oftentimes I won’t come to school. I was slowly killing my name and losing my reputation.

I didn’t want to blame my parents, or God, or myself,.. I wasn't really aware of where I'm coming from. All I knew back then was that I was not happy with my life. There were many instances that I thought and did stupid things. I would think of ending my life, thinking of creative ways to end my existence. But I Just couldn't really do it. By the end of the day, I would tell myself how foolish of me to think of doing such things.

I began thinking my grandparents. They were the ones who never left my side, they supported me, they filled the role of my parents, and they were the ones I knew I didn't want to lose whatever happens. I thought of their hardships just for me to be able to go to school. I thought of all the pains I caused them ever since. Realizing these things, I tried to pick up the pieces and strived hard again for them.. though I know I'm still shattered inside, I gained enough motivation just thinking of them.

I slowly tried to regain my name, the friends and respect I've lost. It was so difficult really at the beginning, and coz of that there were many times that I couldn't do anything but just break down and cry. I tried to be patient. I tried to be open. And I still hoped that someday Mom would be proud of me.

I thought I could finally have mom boast me with other people when I arrived here, but I was wrong. Instead, I got pushed away. She hated that I shifted course, she accused me of not letting her be a mom to me while I was just waiting for her to treat me like her own daughter, she didnt like my boyfriend just because of his looks, she judged him without knowing who Jeff is, she didnt understand that Jeff was the only person who could see me, who could understand me, and who I could tell my real pains, she made sumbat to my father that dad just got tired of her and I hated that she blames dad and my grandparents for whatever's happening to her, and she never listened to me. She never heard me for she didnt want to hear me.

To be honest, everything is so unclear to me. I am confused. And I really don't know what to do at the moment. My cousin asked me once what's that thing that would make me happy. I retort in tears saying I didn't knowa anymore. I didn't know anymore what would make me happy.

And that just make things seem worthless to me now. Everyday I always come with, what's the point... what's the point in doing what I'm doing at the moment. I thought I was happy. I thought I was right.

Yes, I admit...

I'm a broken person...

Where have you been, Nudgehead

I do believe that good things come when you least expect it or, at least, at some stage in the most ghastly circumstances of your life ever. I have been, in the past few weeks, in waves of euphoria, several disappointments, and unexpected disasters, but see, I'm still here kicking and still in utmost bewilderment. Phew.

Okay, last last week, I got an enrollment confirmation for BS Biology [can u still remember? Haha]. We tried pushing our littlest luck for AB but to no avail [yet]. So I only got bio in hand to secure a place in UST. Apparently, I was able to enroll myself on time for Bio and in fact had been almost ready for June by then. I was happy being a legitimate Thomasian finally, but it was not easy shrugging off the fact that I never liked being in Bio in the first place, for being in Bio settles my future as a Med student-- which I certainly know is not where I see myself after graduating in college. Since I thought there's nothing I can do but acknowledge my fate, I tried accepting my doom with white uniform neatly draped in clear plastic on my right arm, and moved on with life.

After the enrollment, I went to province to fix some things I left there. Unfortunately, a day after my arrival, an unanticipated mega-storm hit the province like unforgiving drug-induced psycho assassin, dubbed Cosme. Imagine, I was there right then and there when roofs were flying like huge migratory birds, when trees and plants were being rooted out like tumbling bowling pins, when the second level of our house were going ballistic as we feared the worst, when it felt like tomorrow would never come to us as the night seem to go in a very dawdling pace,.. Yes, I was there. I was in Pangasinan. And I was scared. It was traumatic.

When morning came, going outside was even scarier. The sight of the storm's aftermath was unbearable. The once happy and peaceful town became a ghost town in just one night. It was as if I wasn't in the place I thought I was. It made us all cry. What happened ruined our hearts.

I haven't recovered yet from another traumatic experience, when I received a message from Dad saying I needed to go back to the city right away. I was livid. I was livid by how inconsiderate these people were, they didn't have any idea how difficult living had become for us and how difficult it was as well to revamp the damages. But I had no choice but return to Manila right away.

I was asked to go to UST to, for the last time, try for a slot in the AB college. Unfortunately, College of Commerce turned me down for there were no more slots available. When we decided to try for Arts and Letters, we were asked to talk to the assistant dean. Of course, that was luck. When I got to talk to Mam Tabirara, AB's assistant dean, gates of the good heavens opened like kaboom!. Since there were no more slots available for ComArts, the one I want to pursue if ever I got in in AB, the only choices I had were Sociology, Literature, Economics, Philosphy, and Legal Management. I weighed Economics and Legal Management. But since I considered LegMa right from the beginning, I didn't hesitate.

So there you go, after working for my transfer in AB, I'm now an official Artlet-- signed Fiona Megan Q. Decano, AB Legal Management. Does that scare me?? HAHA. I know, I know, Biology is royal. But see, I can't be anymore happier.

So I guess this is Goodluck to me now. Haha.

-----

Pers Day ni Kolehiyala.

Awakened by the annoying sound of my cousin's phone alarm, I groggily forced myself to get up and prepare for an important appointment someplace that day-- an appointment that would soon commence the new and unbelievable installment of my life. It was June 11, it was Wednesday, it was a sleepy morning.. and it was the first day of classes in the royal and pontifical university.

The jeep ride that morning gave me all the unnecessary jitters and butterflies I hated. Probably because it was my first day as a college stude, and two, I really didn’t know what to expect. My heart felt like a mini bass drum being beaten by a mad drummer as I walk along the streets heading to UST.

I felt like my soul was being drawn out of my body as I see lots and lots of unfamiliar faces around me when I arrived at the university. That was hyperbole, of course and lasted only about a nanosecond or two, but see, I'm being honest when I tell you I was really scared at first. Come on! It was a whole new environment and no more lower classmen greeting me ''Hi Ate!'' , no people to ask for stupid questions who will laugh with you, and no one to talk to for chikashings before going to class unlike in Dominican School.

That made me miss my high school again. Awww.

But anyways, I went to my building and to my room, and did my best to try intermingle with the new people I'd be with for the next 4 years. Apparently, I wasn't able to really talk to everyone or made new friends right away. Medyo tinamaan ako ng pagka-timid ko. HAHA. I remember being bothered by how everyone was almost friends with everyone while I was just sitting there. [Which wasn't a big deal at all, really.]

Dismissal that day was scheduled 11am and my PE class would be by 3pm. I was indecisive whether I'd attend my PE orientation or not. But yeah, apparently I did.

And thank God I did.

I was able to meet new friends there and frankly, I enjoyed my PE class more than my first day with the block that day. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because PE requires me no pressure at all unlike in 1LM4 where pressure is painted everywhere. Figures. But dont get me wrong. 1LM4 still rocks. :P

Anyway, in entirety, I survived the first day! And the next day.. and the next! For now, I’m still adjusting. COLLEGE is really difficult. I realized that if you're weak, you'll be dead or you're doomed. But it's also one hell of a roller coaster ride. Maybe it’s a little scary at first, but see..

College isn’t bad after all! :)

*****
VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

My dear bloggy is IN for the CandyBlog awards Finals.. so..

VOTE BLISSFUL CHANTING for BEST WRITTEN BLOG and BEST OVERALL BLOG at the CandyBlog Awards on http://candymag.com/

To Vote, LOG IN or Register first then vote here: http://candymag.com/blogawards/vote
Just look for Blissful Chanting under the aforementioned categories and click submit if you think my blog deserves it. Goodluck to us all Finalists!@


Mwah. :)

Of Happiness and Dreams
All can and may dream all things in life. Some could possibly reach beyond their sought after success, and some fail owing to lack of determination and piece of luck. But does it really matter? Does it really matter if you get all you want or not?

I know people who are already at the peak of their own successes but when they're asked if that's really what they have always wanted in life, most would come back with a big EN-OW, no. Most would say, they like the life they're living now but it's not really what they've always wanted. It's not really what would make them jump up and down like happy kids on trampoline.

I think one of the most vital questions in life is: AM I HAPPY?.. How one could possibly go through life lonesome is entirely unattainable. I realized that wanting to possess the best Barbie doll in the entire class back in pre-school was something that could make me the happiest kid in town. And at this moment, dreaming of having the best even not the perfect life in the near future is what would make me truly happy in heart and soul.

We keep on dreaming, we keep on planning our uncertain future, we keep on working hard for it, and we keep on pursuing. We all yearn for success, and even if happiness is just a portion of that, it is the most brilliant aspiration of all, it is what matters most.

I guess dreaming or wanting is not the key here. But pursuing your real happiness is.

And you know what would make me the happiest nudgehead alive in cyberworld? THAT IS A LITTLE FAVOR FROM YOU:

Just go to http://www.candymag.com/, log in or register then,

proceed to http://www.candymag.com/blogawards/vote , under the Best Written Blog category, look for BLISSFUL CHANTING, select, then click the submit button.

Oh by the way, on Friday, I'm going to UST for my Bio Enrollment. Apparently, that AB assistant dean advised us that I enroll first in Bio then if my name would appear on some list [what list ?!] the AB would release by May 21, then I shall pull out my Bio enrollment and pursue AB. Phew. Explained it way simple but it is way way WAY complicated actually.

Thank you so much, and stay happy. Ü

To all the precious women on Earth


Let's admit it, they are the most precious women in this world. No one could ever top all the hardships they've gone through for us to witness our very own existence here. We owe them everything. No matter how annoying they can be, they will always be that one person we would run to in times of need. No matter how much pain we've caused them, they will always be that person who would never cease to accept us with open arms.

Their love is immeasurable. No love by a lover, or by a best friend, can ever beat the love our mothers are giving to us. We are the best thing that has ever happened to their lives and they would do anything to protect us.

A simple greeting and some gesture wouldn't be enough to give them back all the love for all these years. But one thing's for sure, as long as we keep on loving them and being the best person we could be, it could mean everything for them.

So for all the great mothers out there,

16 and a quarter years ago, there exist no nudgehead yet, no blissful chanting to read, no boo boo, but someone so special, so gorgeous, and loving, endured everything, sacrificed everything just to give this nudgee a chance to see the world,-- for her lifetime to see, for her lifetime to bear.

This someone so special, who I owe my life, is no other than my own mother. My mother who has been, for me, one of the most gorgeous women alive in her early 40s [as I type this anyway].

I admit that my mom and I haven't been the perfect team, we argue, we fight, we cry, and have been causing so much pain to each other but see, even if we always have these dim issues, we are so not the near-perfect worst mother and daughter. We still have our happy moments. We still laugh like crazy people, we shop like crazy people, and we somehow bond like crazy people.

Even if at some point in my life I've said how I hate my mom, I know in my heart that I couldn't possibly hate her. I mean, she's given almost everything for me, her only child. And I know no one could ever love me so much than my own mother.

You will always be my mom... I love you so much.

Long Gone Family Picture & Accepted Reality



I can't believe how immediate we flip our calendars over for month changeovers. I mean, it's already May, and can you just believe how swift April was! It's already May [wish I could pause the number flow, you know], and I've got a few things to deal with. Most would probably those emotional things again, hypothetically.

In a few weeks, I will be moving out away from home to chase and work hard for my dreams. It feels sad that I have to live away from these people, my grandparents and cousins, whom I've felt the most comfortable to live with. It feels sad that I have to be away from home. Even if there are loads of things that's so depressing sometimes about home, I'll always love it coz I know I'll always be a part of it.

Thinking past imaginations into reality, I haven't really gone greens with the issues and more issues I have with my family. Maybe because I haven't been thinking about it until now. Until now that it is already May, and mother's day's looming around, and things are starting to change and people are learning to get accustomed to changes.

I don't have the perfect family. Not in a million trillion zillion years. It's been years since Mom and Dad's wedding got annulled. In fact, Mom's going to marry Randy already this August and Dad already has his own family with Tita Shao, his new wife, and Jari, their child.

I still have my own share of childhood memories with Mom and Dad that are so vivid up till now. But those are just memories now, you know. I was in grade school when they got separated. As a young introverted kid, it was difficult for me to deal with the separation. I never showed them how hurtful it was for me. I was always ''yeah, it's okay--I'm fine'' well in truth, I wasn't. I never spoke up, I tried not to show them the tears-- the tears that never ceased flowing when I locked up alone in my room.



To both of them, I was the most understanding child. That it wasn't really a big deal for me, though it really was. I remember the first time Mom introduced Randy to me. I had just arrived in her condo and I saw the guy's picture. I was waiting for mom to tell me the truth. The truth I was dying to hear ever since I knew that the ''baby'' thing in her phone calls wasn't just someone's name. I remember that scene, I was sitting in her bed, and she was staring at the window, then she told me everything about the new guy.

I was supposed to cry hearing the irrefutable truth. But I remember keeping the pain to myself and told her, with a faint and fake smile, ''okay lang, may itsura siya.'',. I was holding back the heartbreaking emotion. That same night, we went to Subic to finally meet Randy in person. He was so tall and manly. And he was so affectionate to me and mom. But I was full of hatred to him.

I never liked Randy, much as I love my tita Shao. I don't know. When Dad first introduced me personally to Tita Sharon, I remember feeling so delighted and happy. So different from the feeling I felt when I met Randy. Maybe because by the time I met Tita Shao, I already had better understanding, have already accepted the whole reality and have moved on.

When I met Tita Sharon, I knew it was going to be her. I knew Dad deserves her. And I felt extremely happy when they finally tied the knot last August.

I may be a product of a broken family but who cares? I still am my own person now, and if not for this, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today.

The only thing that's adding to my frustration, now that I'm drawing close to the end of my teenage years, is that Mom and I seem to get worse and worse. You see, Mom and I have endless, unresolved, stupid issues. Most are small, immature rather, issues gone big. When I think about it, it's saddening. It feels sad that while most teens my age are close to their moms, even best friends with them, I'm a partial stranger to my own and vice versa. But see, despite of the painful stuff, words, or deeds she's given to me, she will always be my mother and I know she will always love me as I will love her always.

Whatever happens, she's still my Mom. I think it's about time to move on, let it all pass and just go with the flow. Especially now that I've grown tired of us in dispute. And for this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of sending her flowers. Something I haven't done before. It's also my way of making it up to her for literally forgetting to greet her during her birthday last Feb. Go figure. Oh well, wish me luck. :)

In a few weeks time, I will be packing my things and move out here to LG and live with my cousin Kathleen. There are oodles of things to do for this whole college and moving out thing. So again, wish ''May'' luck!